Health ~ Coping ~ Self
Knives are for killing carrots!
Take care of your health.
You'll have the strength
to handle and find solutions
for so much more.
Sadlowski at 123rf.
This is actually a symptom of Hypoglycemia
Food rage, misunderstood as rage, turned against oneself. Can't you do morbid
jokes and eat greens instead... it sure makes me feel better. Be a better
person to yourself; use coping mechanisms that won't make things worst with
a vicious cycle of pain: Vent
anger for balance & inner peace
. (Added 30 October 2013)
We all do our best to find coping mechanisms, but sometimes we might benefit
from trying something different. Cutting ourselves as a coping mechanism
definitively needs some improvements, but first let's try to understand.
Life and especially people can be frustrating, and while refusing to turn
anger and violence can be admirable, it can be necessary for safety and
even survival under certain circumstances. And nothing can be more wrong...
than turning it against ourselves.
It's teaching ourselves that we don't deserve to be safe, that it's okay
if people hurt us. The result of this mental training is that we'll spread
a vibe that will motivate people to use us as punching bag as well, since
so many weak people would rather dump their frustrations on people than
do anything about it, you will never see the end of that frustration.
You basically do self hypnosis. Telling yourself over and over that you
don't deserve to defend yourself, using a cruel way... punishing the weak
will never make them stronger.
If all your will is used to hurt yourself even more.
You'll never dare to even try to fight for your safety.
But there is also another brain mechanism that motivates this:
When we get hurt physically, the body communicates with nerve impulses
so we'd get our body away from whatever harms us... like moving our hand
away from a flame before even noticing it consciously. That's your survival
instinct, your life force, more powerful than your will, coming to protect
Then to calm down this mechanism once the crisis is over, the brains send
a fluid message of endorphins to say "It's okay, everything is fine
But this doesn't happen when people get hurt emotionally, because those
are complex issues that need to be dealt with slowly.
So people cut themselves, to force the brain to give drugs... like a junky...
To force it to say "Everything is okay now." But it's not! They
inflicted yet another wound, which is a different story... and will need
time to heal too!
If you want to be soothed, then give your body what he needs and he’ll
do it without the treat and punishment of a knife!!! Take a warm bath
with Epsom salt (magnesium) and baking soda (alkaline PH helps neutralize
the acidity produced by stress and anger) the skin will suck it in, the
heat will help you relax. It will be bliss. Swallow calcium + D3 and magnesium…
in food and supplements too. You’ll feel way better than you ever
knew or imagined possible!!! If you add vitamin C, 2-4g, or even 10…
you’ll see that you don’t even need to die to reach heaven!
There is no way in hell you can heal pain by inflicting
more wounds! It's a never ending vicious cycle!
It's the worst kind of junky. Smokers can harm their lungs but hat's not
their intent and they're often in denial about the risk... But when you
grab a knife and attack yourself, that's clear and obvious!
Instead to rely on your survival instinct to lead you to safety, to allow
it its purpose as your protector and be your best ally... never alone...
You attack yourself ignoring its plea, crushing its attempts to protect
you, spitting on your very life force... then...
How can you possibly hope for respect when you won't respect yourself.
The coping mechanisms that you choose now will evolve with time and as
you grow, everything will, so choose wisely.
What will you do in the future if you have a lover who's sad over failing
an exam, what will you do to comfort her and try to make things okay...
will you cut her face!!!?
What will you do if you work 100h a week for a contract, and the guy laugh
in your face refusing to pay you... and then while you can barely walk
from exhaustion, you have to go to the food bank, even though you work
2-3 times harder than anybody ever should, to get putrid food, handled
without sanitation, and tasting as if a bunch of old people in an hospice
rubbed it over their crotch! What will you do then!!!??? Will you cut
your own legs so you'll have fewer cells to feed?
And when you'll have kids, if they play hide and seek and hide in the
trunk of a car in the middle of a heat wave, unable to get out and never
found... suffocating in there to death (true story, 2 little girls...
awful) what will you do!??? Will you dig your heart out of your chest
with a knife!???
Can't you see the absurdity of it!? It won't solve anything and just make
things worst for you!!! And the people around you too! Then they will
get back at you! Sometimes out of love hopelessly trying to help in vain,
when they have no power over your will, only you do; or out of hatred,
giving you more of the very thing that you wish to escape.
I sure hate you. I had a friend like you and I wasted my energy trying
to help, when he whined to my face, but wrote how proud he was and that
cutting was his favorite thing in his journal… I had lost so much
for him, when my worries and torments were a million time more severe…
that he had everything I hoped for but could never have, vital things…
but he spat on it all! The ingrate!
When you willingly choose pain, then you’ll never
Yes, you'll always find some other retards who'll find it cool and be
so proud of themselves, call it glamorous, and compare scars... but it
doesn't make it ok… it’s counter productive... and freaking
If you wonder "Oh how can I tell my parents"... why? If you
refuse to protect yourself and you're your own worst enemy, making things
deadly worst for you at the slightest tiny speck of problem... no one
will be able to save you!!!
Why don't you ask
them what you should
have instead from before you started:
"What do you do to cope and feel better in
a difficult situation?"
Not all coping mechanism improves things. They can make it 10% better
then 120% worst... like booze and drugs... that's not worth it. Problems
can be solved. But with a clear mind, or you just become even easier to
abuse and mistreat.
What I do... I take more vitamins C. Because your body needs it for vital
functions, like the adrenal glands need it to... handle stress!!! So it
makes me stronger. I eat a strew of greens, even when I thought that a
box of cookie was more soothing, and my brain gets what he needs to function...
then the answer come, simple, easy, obvious...
Because I gave myself a chance, I took care of myself, made myself my
best ally, used all my strength instead to work against my body... and
I gave out such a powerful prideful vide... that few dares to mess with
me anymore! And those who do, I give them a piece of my mind and they
back off quick! It really doesn't take much... just a few words.
And if life throws shit at me, because I work hard to reinforce my body...
I'm like "bring it on!!! I know I can take it, no matter what, I'll
figure it out even if I have to fail miserable a hundred times!"
Of course I allow myself the right to retreat, lick my wounds, and rest
But I don't hate myself anymore, because I know that all parts of me are
there for a purpose. My laziness allows me to rest when I'm sick. My rage
protects me when I'm attacked. It took me a while to have the wisdom to
figure out the right opportunity, but mistakes are great teachers.
When I'm angry, I write an angry file
pours out my thoughts and feelings
over until they're coherent and that I know how to briefly tell
to whoever wronged me in the most efficient
. The pressure goes out with relief instead to build in like
a time bomb.
If there's nothing I can do, I try to accept it and
move on by adding joys
to the balance
, simple things that I enjoy doing. Like watching
my fishes, animes, or reading about medical conspiracies...
like replying people in yahoo
, helps me take my mind off my own issues and emotions.
I can better take a step back since I'm not directly involved, but it
can be similar. It either helps me see how futile it is to freak out for
pebbles, or it humble my hysteria seeing people worst off than I am. I'm
grateful that it's not worst, so it eases the pain.
It can empower
me since it’s easier to find solutions for others, and give me a
sense of pride since I manage to help people enough to get best answers.
Sulking and dwelling in more pain... can only bring more pain, and spread
more pain, which sooner or later will come back as more pain... and the
cycle goes on and on.
But what makes me angry the most... is that I finally understand my primal
side, my rage... it’s only there to protect me... my precious body...
I desperately searched for someone to love me, when there was something
inside of me who asked for nothing more than to protect me out of unconditional
love... Now no matter what happens, I feel safe, no matter how alone I
am, I feel never lonely!!!
To cut that person... to dishonor it while it works so hard, with a power
even stronger than will itself... your very life force… to destroy
THAT. It’s to spit on your very being, on your very core and soul.
There is nothing but shame and pain in self cutting; no matter what people
will tell you for being too ignorant to know better...
When you choose that path, all you have is shame and pain... and nothing,
no one... will ever be able to save you... as long as you refuse to do
it for yourself... and even make it worst for you...
Enjoying worsening yourself
and your situation only proves your ignorance.
Learn better. Seek it out. Don't wait for school, parents or a counselor
to do it for you. They're dumb asses too.
Figure out how to solve problems and reach your goals. Everyone is different
and there's so many ways. Why choose solutions that aren't even on a list
of clever things to do… so stupid that they’re in the gutter
along with dog crap... for an easy way out? Slicing your arm against the
utter strength of your own survival instinct can't possibly be easier
"Fuck that shit; I have better things to
enjoy" and walking away!
Why don't you slice and dice yourself a nice dinner instead? That will
make you strong. Try greens and carrots. You won't
be so angry if you're well fed
, you won't even care about that
crap if you're too busy taking good care of yourself
You can die from septic shock even from the most superficial wound...
If you want to die, then stop messing around with failure as a goal and
do it properly already!
If you're a masochist, find someone to whip you, but don't cause real
If you're angry, then insult, shout, punch... cut and kill someone if
you have to! Sometimes it's vital. But most of the time respect and peacefully
letting equal space for the other's needs, with a fair compromise that
doesn't hurt anyone, will be the wiser choice.
Often all you have to do to fight injustice is to merely
ask!!! To fight abuse, it's often enough to simply say NO!
off" works too. Have fun with this.)
How are people supposed to know otherwise? They're already clueless and
confused enough trying to figure themselves out! If it doesn't work, ask
again with more conviction and assertiveness.
Will is a great power all by itself! Your voice can
be the best weapon.
If actions has to be taken, there's self
Even a little girl can be
very convincing when nailing a pen in a criminal's eye. Even the strongest
Be patient, wait for your moment, then win! Life is way more exciting
this way. Getting whatever we want with a snap of the fingers... it's
boring. The greatest warriors find way more satisfaction beating the hell
out of someone stronger than by walking on an ant. That's just futile
If someone boost their self esteem that way they must really be worthless.
Don't even acknowledge them. Don't do this either. Avoid, ignore, forget.
Like said at ratracetrap: "How
to Deal With Stupid, Needy, Irritating, Toxic, and Generally Crappy People
You have NO excuse to harm yourself. There is no such reason! No matter
how stupid, wrong, failures and unworthy of life humans are! You still
have the duty to take care of your life above all!!! It's the one and
only law that you should never question or break.
If you don't have that life, that body, you have NOTHING!
As long as you have that, endless possibilities are spread before you!!!
Your living body doesn't need to have a worth, because something so elaborated,
so magnificent, so precious all by itself surpass anything of value just
by being!!! Its meaning is endless in eternity, so no matter how much
you screw up you can't fail as long as you stay alive! That’s all
life ever wanted from you:
As long as you stay alive by the end of the day, your
life is a success.
So don’t go pointing knifes at yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If there's something you don't like, work on that, you don't need to throw
everything away! Nurturing hatred and pain, closing your eyes on everything
else, is as much of a waste as giving up your own life, even if death
doesn't come, your spark is gone. You become a black hole sucking the
light inside everything and everyone around you, turning it to darkness,
never feeling satisfied... because what you choose to feed with your energy
is pain, anger and despair... for the pure sake of itself, instead to
try to learn and build something good from it. You're dooming yourself
to hell in a state worst than death. It's poetic but even more pitiful
and since it's self inflicted... pathetic.
The glory that can come from this isn't jumping in it and dwelling in
self pity... it's having fate throw it in your face against you will,
and overcoming it by diving deep into yourself and pouring out more strength
than anyone can imagine possible... building your own heaven in adversity,
frailly managing to bloom in a typhoon as the trees around you are being
ripped off the ground, mustering the courage to move on in spite of paralyzing
terror.... and smiling in spite of everything against you giving you all
the reasons of the world to cry. THAT is strength. That is purely poetic
Overcoming hell itself… starts with the will
and then a first step.
Defend your life, fight for your needs, protect
Who will if you don't! NO ONE.
If you want to live, then make choices that will! Get
up, fight for your safety with everything you have, take care of yourself
Never go down without a fight, even if it's just a whispered protect,
never give up on yourself, on your body, on life. Even in the mud on your
knees, lift you head and look at the sky... Smile. It's all that it takes
to hold on to your dignity.
No matter how useful information can be, or how people can be good and
loving to you, it's still up to your outlook.
Choose to believe better and see life itself change
color by there mere power of your convictions.
Now if you cut yourself, this belongs to you:
As much as I spent great energy to understand, it's all the more reasons
to absolutely refuse to enable what you're doing. I utterly refuse to
reward it with any shreds of sympathy or compassion; what you're doing
to yourself is too unquestionably wrong. *Punches your face hard enough
to make you fall off your chair.* Why should I, or anyone, respect and
care for you... if you refuse to do it for yourself. You wouldn't even
be able to appreciate anyway, oblivious, as your gaze is turned towards
pain. Kindness and love would be wasted on you, until you choose those
things instead… for yourself… by your own hand.
Be careful what you wish for; it could be the worst
thing against your deepest desire.
Be careful what you turn your back against; it could be what you crave
and need the most.
Enjoy. For it is the direct result of your own
If you don't like the consequences, then try something
If you like it, then stop whining and leave people in peace before someone,
or karma, shows you what pain really feels like!
It can always get worst, people and life will make it so... at least don't
worsen it. Be grateful not to be in pain all the time, to be free. So
damn, make wiser choices. Feed yourself nutritive foods so you'll be able
Life and people can also get better... so you can choose hope instead
of despair... and self improvement instead of self harm. You can only
blame yourself for how bad and hard those views make it for you, but even
that isn't a reason to cut.
Try to smile sometimes; you might be surprised by how powerful a little
effort can be. Like a snow ball rolling off a mountain, or a domino effect…
Make sure that what you throw in the pond of your life is something that
you want to see make waves and grow.
Because it will, for everyone to see.
If you want to know where to cut to make it less noticeable, obviously
it's anywhere but your arms... and your face... Making rows at the same
place will clearly be something dumber than a stupid accident: deliberately
self inflicted. As if life wasn’t hard enough already!
It will be especially infuriating for people who have chronic diseases
and are in pain all the time, while you screw up your luck... and for
people who don't even have arms! They manage to do their best and paint
with their toes, what are you waiting for!!!
A lot of loathing will be rightfully coming your way. It's not like being
gay and finding the courage to accept yourself and spread love the way
your body commands you... You're choosing this and spreading pain! The
attitude that you adopt towards yourself will spread out on others wither
you want it or not. It become who you are.
So to hide in shame, you can try to cut under your feet, armpits, twisting
needles under your nails... But it will always be there to be found. And
it will be. By the last people you'd want to know: the people closest
to you, that you love the most, and dread the most to become lower in
their opinion and esteem. How's that for a downside? Is it still worth
it? If yes, you really are an asshole. Try stabbing the knife up there
and see how that feels like. Nothing hurts like a pain in the ass! Except
a pain in the ear, that too. Since you refuse to listen to reason, you
might as well become deaf.
If not stop, replace it with something else that's
If you truly want to be cool with pain, EXERCISE!
Running like a mad dog will make billions of cuts
all over your muscles
, everywhere, but no where to see. It's how
muscles get stronger
. It's shame free, and that's
what is glorified. Most people admire an athletic body much more than
a mere skinny body. So you can't become a loser by choosing this. If you
eat what your body needs to build them, you'll become stronger and be
able to handle much more, and people will be more intimidated to mess
with you. The glow of pride and accomplishment
that you'll project will be more than enough. Put your efforts where there
will be the greatest rewards. That's not in cutting unless you want to
become a cook!
Obviously to choose to pointlessly cut yourself with scars as result,
you don't have much of a brain and your strength lies else where. So all
the more reasons to nurture physical strength. There's great money to
be made in physical labor, and that can really take your mind off things.
Vitamin C will help to heal, vitamin E is said to help scars... I think
there are procedures that can minimize scars slightly... but not completely.
Cutting can't be undone, so why start... and the stench of shame will
never leave you. What you teach yourself, every time you cut, gets deeper
into your mind and becomes harder to get it out.
You don't have to suffer anymore. If you decide that it’s enough,
by your hand or others. You can't control people for trying, but you can
control how you react. You can tell them to fuck off, you can walk away...
you can do both... you can punch them... yes, you can even cut yourself,
but it doesn't mean that you should. It’s the worst idea.
You can do so much better for yourself, just do that instead.
But sure, sadly, you have the choice to remain stupid... as I have the
one to punch you in the face. If this is the world that you ant to build
within yourself and spread around you... then you're going to have to
live in it, and see the people you love suffer too sooner or later.
I, for one, don't want to live in a world like this. So I simply don't.
Massive dose of vitamins and minerals proved a much more effective way
feel better than drugging myself, especially magnesium, it can make me
euphoric. I also know much more creative and pleasurable ways to be a
But all I can do is grant the best for myself, and share the knowledge
Only you can choose to doom or save yourself.
But either way, you'll have an upside and a downside to deal with it.
Are you sure it's worth it?
Or could something else be easier and reach your goal even better...
Figure it out.
You won't know until you try.
If you can't even count on yourself to be respectful, kind, helpful and
to take care... then no matter how many people will try to help you, their
efforts will be destroyed by your will... you'll truly be hopeless...
and all alone... in the endlessly empty black hole that became your heart...
and that you worked so hard to make. You'll suck all light from the people
around you, leaving them feel miserable and empty... and you will be proud.
For no reason.
The only thing that can be done about you, as long as you'll find that
cool enough to be your choice and let it become your very identity, is
to turn away in disgust... and run for our lives.
Even pity... would be a waste of energy, in this sucking darkness that
you allowed yourself to become.
A darkness that is beautiful is a self sustaining evil flame of passion.
The absolute conviction that we deserve the best, ready to reach it and
fight for our very selves... with everything we've got and by any means
The only difference is the choice. But the gap is immeasurable.
You're not even a maggot. Even worms have a purpose; they dig holes so
the rain can go deep in the earth, watering deeper roots and avoid drowning
surface plants... to then feed animals that will feed others and so on.
Until they die and worms eat them and return them to the earth.
What the hell are you doing, seriously... what the hell... I understand
even better than you do. That's how I know how utterly absurd it is.
Stop... just... STOP!
Just don't grab sharp objects.
If you notice a sharp object in your hand, put it down.
As simple as that!
For ideas on how to replace that massive bullshit with something else, read
more on coping mechanism. You can start with: Vent
anger for balance & inner peace
Stop trying to do like the other fools. It doesn't make it effective,
cool nor okay even if the majority does it. Normal is overrated.
Enjoy~ But something else than that crap. Life and people will be hard
enough, you'll mess up enough trying your best... don't screw yourself
deliberately... for your sake!
It upsets me, it hurts me... there's enough suffering in the world. Stop
making it worst!!! Stop bullying yourself! Stop spreading more pain! JUST
But all I can do, is take care of myself.
So enjoy whatever you will... if you don't but do it anyway... then maybe
you do deserve to suffer.
So many people mutilate and sabotage themselves in so many ways... out
of foolishness... I guess your way is just one more among a big rainbow
of stupidity. But when it's this obvious and you stubbornly persist anyway...
I guess that makes you the king of the mountain of manure. Congratulation…
You manage to impress me by pushing the limits of human mediocrity to
new lows, and as a misanthrope, I already have a really bad opinion of
humanity. Your mommy must be very proud of you; after all you take after
half of her... But that might proves to be very horrifying for her to
find out her own reflect into you...
A piece of my soul is withering away... just thinking about all the different
variations of the same kind of stupid people that are in society. I thought
there was nothing worst than self cutting... But I just realized... it's
one way among so many... to disrespect yourself, to deny yourself self
care, to harm yourself... Like the alcoholic frying his liver trying to
get energy and relax when it contains poison and no nutrients. Like the
junky stabbing a needle in his arm trying to force his brain to feel happy,
running away instead to fix things or find peace walking away... Like
the adrenalin seeker jumping off illegal places for sky diving, because
it's clearly too narrow for a parachute and deadly, but doing it anyway
to prove that he's cool… killing himself into becoming yet another
statistic that made the law in the first place... Damn. That's not okay...
You're not worst or better than the rest of the fools. Just another piece
of shit floating in the sewer of humanity... Yet you anger me, because
the mere idea of denying yourself protection is shattering my heart…
*whispering* because I've lived like that for so many years... I didn't
cut myself but I allowed people to do much worst to me... so much worst...
until I couldn't stand on my own two feet anymore... so exhausted trying
to please people that my internal organs started to shut down... So unfair,
so infuriating... because of me, merely because I allowed it. I sure as
hell don’t anymore!!! I suffered so much, adding it by my own hand
would be as unthinkable as it is despicable. I survived hell because I
could count on myself!!! But even at times I've been my worst enemy, I
even starved myself hoping to be skinny, beautiful and deserve love...
WHEN I ALWAYS BEEN WORTHY!!! It was never about worth to begin with! All
I had to do is feel it within me... for myself. My hell is over now, because
I MADE it so. With whatever it took, I even sacrificed dreams, hopes and
people... To improve my reality. I embraced my darkness... so that it
would protect me.
BUT! There's no way I'd turn my rage against myself especially now!!!
This pain belongs to you. You want it, keep it! *Punches your face* That's
I keep thinking that anything is better, even hurting others... but beating
a loving wife because you feel humiliated at work and need devastating
power over something to take out your frustrations, shaking your crying
baby until he gets brain damaged, or priests raping children... that's
not better... but it's probably not worst either... But violence to protect
a loved one and yourself, I think it has purpose. But to any criminals,
their motivations seem justified too. But fighting to save your life,
as a last resort for survival, is different than raping because you're
too lazy to date or masturbate, or too cheap to pay a whore. So... much...
bullshit... everywhere... But if we don't find ourselves too sacred, too
precious... then it will never stop, it will only get worst... as we use
our wits to find solutions... only to chose one that cause even more pain.
I didn't meet many people who choose to take care of themselves, to respect
their body above all, to nurture it and feed it what it needs to function,
to rest when needed and respect their limit, pushing the frontier slowly
and gently... But the choice is there. Buried under the loud ignorants,
praising each other and glorifying stupidity... making it the norm and
mocking whoever wishes for else, for more, even if it's better... especially
if it’s better… because then it would unmask their own short
comings. They teach it to children... and mindlessly they follow... even
if they have so much more to offer, to be, to do… Asking people
to be normal is another way to belittle the less fortunate out of prejudice,
and to spit in the face of greatness.
Maybe I'm wrong trying to convince people to stop doing self harm. Maybe
you're right to hate yourself enough to hurt. Perhaps I should be upset
that you failed killing yourself instead... That would improve the problem
of over population. Overcrowding can make people hostile... not enough
space, real foods, jobs nor goods for everyone...
Maybe I resent you for showing me how stupid I was in my own way, and
should respect that you have to go put yourself through something similar,
in your own really dumb way, before learning better... But I really wish
I could spare you that. I probably wouldn't be able to spare it for my
younger self even with a time machine though... but I really hope that
you'll wake up sooner than I did... No one deserves to live like this...
Even pedophiles, they just don’t deserve to live at all. Ha! I guess
I can think of worst than you.
But my grudge against people like you is because I gave everything and
more to answer the plea for help of a friend doing the same. His pain
was so trivial compared to the dangers I was facing, I should have been
the one asking for help and support. But I stayed silent, thinking that
if he can't handle so little, when he had more than I ever hoped for...
He wouldn't be able to help me through life endangering crisis. I lost
friends, neglecting them and myself for him... But then I saw his journal...
he never mentioned me, and even though he whined to me about cutting,
he wrote that it's the best thing of his life. When I got kicked out and
needed his support desperately, he laughed at me and danced on my grace
with the person who just hurt me... My friend... whom I suffer for to
support his pain, while it made him nothing but happy... Allowing him
to make me feel miserable and drag me down in the mud... abusing my kindness...
my friendship... my affection... rejoicing in my demise... as if I was
an enemy... while all that he ever cherished... was the cutting he whined
about to everyone else... Then I saw, how futile it is to try to help
someone who refuses to help themselves. Later he got on drugs and apologized,
saying that the magic pills made him different, but he wasn't. I couldn’t
handle more. I had more than enough of his sweetness covered razor blades.
I choked on those lies long enough. I had so much more reasons than him
to manipulate, crush, and ravel in people's agony for once but I didn't!!!
There's no excuse. A pill can't change who you are. No matter how much
I am out of my mind when I'm hypoglycemic and enraged from rabid hunger,
it's harder to control myself, but I still do it!
You can't save someone from pain... when his choice is that very pain.
I won't again, I won't give my love and support... but I leave this knowledge
to whoever wants to try to save themselves from their own stupidity. This
is how I am letting go, by pouring everything out, then letting it flow
away~ Not by branding it into my flesh forever.
If I had children, I'd do my best to control the aggressively that can
come with my hypoglycemia, feed them the best food to spare them this
misery, and teach them what I know and values that helps me go through
life. If I had a teen and found out that he cut, especially catching him
in the act, I'd unleash all the rage, cruelty and violence that I can
muster in an absolute revolt against destroying my efforts to take good
care of him. I'd beat the hell out of him, or even her. Slap, grab hairs,
bang head in the wall, throw them on the ground with disgust and kick
them in the gut. I'd grab a belt and beat the hell out of them screaming
on top of my lungs "You want pain and misery? You think life is hard?
I'll show you how good you have it, how worst it can get... and the true
meaning of terror and suffering!" When I got like that, before understanding
why and how to avoid this with better food and life choices, only seeing
blood could calm me down. Then I'd walk away saying "Now I'm going
to go cry in my room..." and I'd do it for hours, at my own inadequacy
to protect my own child from the stupid information given by even stupider
teens... how much my efforts are little compared to peer pressure and
the constant hammering of the adds... I'd cry for the sake of my child
and my own shame to have had to use violence as a last resort... Then
I'd probably refuse to do their meals, saying that if they want to cut
something, then to cut the vegetables for the entire family, for the entire
week, until they are too tired and are sick of knives to cut themselves...
I'd make them do their own laundry... Well, I'd always teach them everything
so they can be self sufficient on their own... but I'd make it sound like
I'd just plain abandon them... telling that if they want help, then to
ask for it; that it's all they ever had to do to get it... But I need
their help too, at making the home work; at protecting them... and whoever
harm my child will get hell itself from me, even them. If pain makes them
happy, then as much as it crushes my heart, I'd beat the tears out of
them. If it raises suspicions, but I'd make sure to leave no marks, the
whole point of replacing the knife, I'd show the cutting marks and say
"Maybe he did that to himself to~ Or maybe I wanted to teach him
that pain isn't so cool nor a solution after all, and make them wish the
pain could be gone forever~ Instant therapy. Who knows~" Affection
never worked for something like this... Maybe the sheer aggressiveness
of a hypoglycemic rage can teach them their place. If their freedom is
going to make that kind of dangerously stupid choices, then they might
as well get crushed and dominated completely until their brain develop
some more... Maybe I should avoid hitting in the head... and force them
to watch utterly adorable and friendly shows full of joy and laughter
to torture them. One thing for sure, kindness never worked. Life teaches
us by failure and pain so we’d stop moving in a harmful and unwanted
direction, and motivate us to move out of our comfort zone and find the
strength to reach better. Pain shouldn’t be use for relief or to
dwell in self pity… it’s dissuasion. Sometimes what’s
needed to properly motivate… is way more pain that is bearable.
But that’s not up to you to choose, you do not have the wisdom of
fate. Pain is never something that is to be accepted or played with, not
real pain… and if you get scars… it’s not foreplay.
I'd force them to do sports, even though my bloodline is specialized with
intellect, to reinforce their weakness and gain the ability to defend
themselves against jocks, martial arts is great. But if they cut, all
the more reason to give them an outlet for that build up aggressivity...
if you're too tired to move, you won't be able to even lift a knife and
turn it against yourself. You should be there for yourself and rely on
yourself… but not for that kind of needs.
To truly take it out, it has to move away from you.
If it’s going to backfire, don’t do anything at all.
You don't need therapy; it would just enable and reward someone who's even
more clueless and stupid as you are. I know. I tried for a decade when my
ideas ran out. Giving up on others and taking care of everything I ever
needed to receive by giving it to myself, vitamins & minerals and even
emotions, is all that it took! Allowing myself to rest and be imperfect
was as liberating as if was fundamental!
All you need is to find another method to reach
the same benefits without the downsides.
There are plenty!
Well, when you'll have enough of that bullshit you do to yourself, or
the one that the world around does to you, then you can try to at least
clean up your own mess. People will still be shitty, but maybe you'll
find yourself more bearable, and it would already be an improvement.
I did my best to widen your horizons of choices... but I guess that if
you like having your head up your ass, you're not going to see much of
anything else... no matter what is shown to you. When you'll choose not
to, you'll find a way.
If just one person tries something different after reading this, then
my effort was worth it... and just one still means that the world became
a better a better place.
But if all it served is to pour out my frustrations in a constructive
way... turning them to text instead of blood... to hope instead of anguish...
if that one person that it helped is me... then it's still good. Because
this way I changed the world inside and around me. That’s great
enough. It's where I live. The rest is YOUR problem!
Actually, in spite of all that, I did.
Lisa Of Shades
Kick the bucket!
22 August 2013
If you want to die, I made a "How to suicide" tutorial.
Here's the first page: Verify
And the one you'll probably like the most since you're half way there: Wrist
Here's a clue: you're doing it on the wrong side! Or not deep enough. Put
your heart into it and you'll stop failing eventually! Hang
Just develop morbid sarcastic humor like me. You'll be way less angry and
wayyy happier~ It really helps me control my urge to kill the hell out of
so many stupid people!
You can still enjoy dark fashion even with a smile on your face. Having
the guts to laugh in Death's face is way cooler than cutting and dying!
Chucky and Freddy are so much fun!
The emo/goth kid was edited by me with:
- Soccer kid from hncgl
(Please forgive me for disfiguring your art! It's greater than what
I could have done... Cheering people up is a good cause.)
- Bucket from mspmentor.
(About "why me", I picked you because I like your color. Don't
worry about it, people are dumb like that.)
Any resemblance with actual people (living, dead, cutting or suiciding)
is purely coincidental but totally on purpose. Would you sue a mirror for
being derogatory? If you don't like the cutting marks in my picture then
stop cutting! But not all emo/goth do. I just wanted to illustrate the absurdity,
to cope with the pain and sadness... that I actually feel for you.
Lisa Of Shades
New discreet place to cut
7 September 2013
If you don't want people to find out from scars, try this new idea:
between your buttocks!
Or even better, a knife up your ass! You obviously don't fear doing stupid
things, so why not, while you’re at it. If you want to mutilate, it’s
inside that’s the good stuff. How about drinking needles? Too hard
core for you? Hey, I might be psycho for thinking it, but you're the one
actually doing stuff like that... to yourself of all people.
There’s nothing like a pain in the ass…
If your parents surprise you on your knees, but up, and a knife on your
ass, tell them you’re gay and doing hard core masturbation. If you
confess later about the cutting they probably will feel a little relieved.
But I think that gays and masochists are better than what you are doing.
Lisa Of Shades
7 September 2013
If you stop shitting all over your life, maybe you'll be happier.
Lisa Of Shades
30 October 2013