Health ~ My journey ~ Life
is more precious than things
People keep asking me why I won't upgrade my computer to HD... so I'll share
why with everyone:
I've been very sick and invested in my health instead of things, if I hadn't,
I'd be dead.
I'd rather invest in my health than things to feel better about myself.
It works better.
Life is more precious than things.
For survival, I must prioritize my own life.
My needs are more important than my wants.
I actually bought a HD screen ages ago and I returned it the next day because
it was too sharp. If you overuse the tool in photoshop you end up with squares
instead of smooth blurry edges and that's what happened. Even for my friend
PS3 who had a HD output, so I bought the cheapest screen I could find, without
any glare, it's way easier on the eyes.
I wanted to buy a computer with Window 7 because I liked how plain it seemed
(I hated XP and vista even more. My XP look like window 2000 in classic
mode with animations turned off. It saves time) But then I saw Window 8,
with the phone menu that even phone lovers hate (I don't even have a cell
phone) and huge icons. I can have 20 folders and 10 programs opened... I
need to switch between them when I web design, and fast. The slow sliding
into view from the sides was pure hell. I ran out of the store cursing.
I tried upgrading to SP2 back when I thought that upgrades would... actually
upgrade. I left it on automatic. It put everything back to default! I modified
the registry manually and I had to do it again. I couldn't find my video
codecs, it was a mess! And then I got killer viruses, that antivirus never
could remove (and they slowed my computer even more anyway). SO I had to
reinstall windows completely... It took 2 weeks to install and configure
everything personalized, when I already had the programs and knew them...
So upgrading to the unknown sounds like pure hell.
Also... I've been declared severely invalid, apparently working 100h a week
to satisfy demanding ungrateful clients without eating and sleeping doesn't
make one life's better. At some point I couldn't stand up, walk, and struggled
to breathe. I had to give up animes because I was so weak that I couldn't
shrink my pupil to be able to focus and read.
I basically spent the last 10 years in a coffin. I lost my friends, doctors
kept telling me that it was all in my head and that my personality is a
illness! Even though I fainted in the middle of the street and was peeing
blood according to their tests! I discovered nutrition and rebuild my body.
I found a doctor who finally agreed to test me before calling me insane,
and he found that my endocrine system was shutting down. I have 2 chronic
diseases, need to be tested for more.
But instead to buy myself a fancy computer, 500$ phone and all that upgrade
modern stuff that make people think they're so better than me... I bought
nutritious food and supplements. I rebuild vital organs even though modern
medicine says that it can't be done. I got back a livable life instead of
being trapped in a corpse.
My only regret was to ever care enough about people's happiness before my
own... to do this nightmare to myself.
So... no. I'm not upgrading. But thank you for the suggestion, even though
I'm pretty sure that it's already obvious because I do have to struggle.
But my computer cost me 3000$ 10 years ago, Custom made and powerful enough
to do 3D (even though I never did it) so why do I need 4 times the core
power just to check text on a web site now. I studied web design and optimizing
the content for the quickest speed and usability was important. Now people
put dozens of wallpaper images in smaller sizes and expect their clients
to upgrade their computer. Everything gets bigger, screen, resolution, images
online... so in the end it's all exactly the same... But you have to pay
more for it all, and the bandwidth. If HD was invented to stop people from
downloading, I wouldn't be surprised. 3 gigs for a 30 minute episodes instead
of 150mb is ridiculous! I'm stuck in the past, basically a vampire waking
up after being buried, and I'm looking at how society evolved... and it,s
just about appearances, and who has the biggest c***... and it's not better.
Sure when I got uTorrent's RSS I wondered how I could ever live without
it... but the answer is: just fine.
I feel like Tom Hanks on his island talking with his Wilson ball with a
face made of a bloody hand. My computer is the only intelligent being that
stayed with me through hell, so I'm not going to throw my lover in the garbage
just because some junk corporation want me to believe that my life will
be better if I give them money. I'd rather invest in my health and keep
my loyal machine. I never have problems with it. I do have problems with
what people put online, some web site make my computer freeze by demanding
more memory than 10 programs at once! But I don't blame my machine, I blame
retarded designers who can't optimize their site, and choose flashy gaudy
shit to impress the mindless over usability.
I will kick my whole family out of my life before I get rid of my computer.
And I did!!! After I told my family that I finally have the medical proof
that I'm ACTUALLY NOT INSANE AND LAZY, that I have several diseases that
isn't giving me the choice to be better... that it's not from lack of good
will and even because I tried so hard that I made myself sick! They replied
that I deserve to suffer... after I finally proved to them that I don't.
So I finally saw that all their cruelty was never something that I deserved,
it was never because I wasn't good enough, or devoted enough... I turned
myself into a living corpse, I ALMOST DIED, accomplishing the humanly impossible...
so I saw that when someone want to be cruel, it has nothing to do with you,
but all to do with them. The assholes is them and there's nothing you can
do... but walk the hell away before they take you down, for their own amusement
and satisfy an ego that is even more insecure and unhappy than yours. People
who don't have love in their hearts can't give it. Life isn't about what
we deserve. And if it is, then I don't give a damn about what I deserve.
It won't stop me from nurturing my own vital needs, above even my own wants.
And yes, this pure hell was my own doing... all that suffering... because
at any time... I could have walked away. I did punch my own mother in the
throat, but even when she couldn't breathe, she still found a way to nag
nonsense and blame me for her own doing.
So I'm going to do what I want. And I want to invest in my health, not in
some garbage to follow a trend. I have options on my computer that don't
exist anymore. I have an ati all in wonder with a remote control. I guess
you have the same thing with your giant TV in your living room, but I don't
want to sit in my couch, my heart is probably capable to pump blood to my
brain against gravity now, but damn my bed is comfortable, snuggled between
fur blankets. It,s like being in a pile of kittens all day.
So I don't have the ups, but I don't have the downs instead. And one thing
for sure... I appreciate my old crap more than the new stuff that you take
for granted. I appreciate being able to breathe without conscious efforts,
being able to walk without clinging to the walls, being able to see well
enough to read.
I appreciate eating salmon regularly. I figured out that a portion cost
the same as a bag of chips or a cake, so this is my threat. I eat almonds
and cashews everyday. When I was a kid I craved carrot cake and green apple
candy... because my stupid mother would only feed me boxed and canned food!!!
And blamed it on my worth when I got sick enough to cough blood! (my sister
even beat me on xmass because she didn't like how noisy my coughing was)
Now I eat delicious carrots and real green apples EVERYDAY.
I know how to cure everything, from the common cold to cancer. I know how
to rebuild kidneys, heart, even the brain. I almost literally came back
from the dead. I know about quantum physics. When I almost died I actually
understood it. I wondered what life after death looked like. But then I
understood that this isn't the right question... What does the universe
look like outside of time and space? ABSOLUTELY EVERY SINGLE POSSIBILITIES.
And this is what quantum physics proved. Everything is all at once, but
the result change when you observe it, it becomes one option... but all
the others still exist. I found the one to get back my life: to eat the
building blocks necessary with real living food. It worked.
Now compared to this, buying a new computer when I have one that does the
job perfectly for what I want is superfluous. I'd rather buy more salmon.
I'm sure you are very proud of your stuff. But I wouldn't exchange mine,
I wouldn't even exchange my health and life for yours. Because knowledge
is priceless, and my machine can find that just fine.
Lisa Of Shades
12 March 2015