Humor ~ Comics ~ Emotional
Codependency isn't a sustainable relationship, not even between two
: "How should I know?"
"I felt this coming but did nothing.
Now it's too late for both of us."
At best you'll suffer from neglect and abuse together, but that's still
the worst. One always sucks harder and the other, even without being a narcissist,
causing frustrations and resentment. Both are doomed because when one can't
take it anymore, the other looses too.
"Can we try what the other likes?"
"Gladly! Let's have fun!"
Take care of your own life, then bring your strengths, hobbies and discoveries
in the relationship. You will enrich each other's lives together. You can
only share what you already have. It's unfair and abusive to take more than
you give. It's exhausting to give more than you can. No one can endure
that happily ever after.
"Ouch! Find your own and share it with
"NO! It's easier this way!"
"You'll kill me!"
: "I don't care!"
If you are the only one trying, stop wasting your time. They won't reciprocate
what they refuse to even do for themselves, don't let them suck the life
out of you. If you express your needs & limits and you're not respected
by at least a caring effort of good will, then you are being hurt deliberately.
Get rid of them without mercy, they have none for you.
"You wish for pain & death. You
can have it alone."
"How can you be so mean?"
"I learned from you."
Your life is yours to live.
Don't try to live someone else's for them. It's pointless. If they refuse
to try for themselves, then they're already dead.
I made this comic about a relationship I had. I learn from it about myself
and life. I'd rather stay alone than be in a toxic relationship if I'm unable
to find balance, by forgetting my needs or being disrespected when I put
See: Relationship gone bad
Many demotivational posters about it.
See: Shad Wolf
for more about my relationship with another comic.
The problem with codependency is that you focus, enable and worsen each
other's weaknesses instead of combining strengths. The more you indulge
in insecurities, the more you feel helpless and become dependent, or worsen
someone so they'll be stuck with you instead to actually help them overcome
their hardship. It's like buying drug to an addict, that's not kind... you
encourage the problem, you're not the solution.
Sometimes the best thing to do for someone is to let them suffer so they
are forced to look inward and find their own strength, and the courage to
overcome their hardship to both reach a better life and become better people...
the best of what they can be... instead to dwell in the worst.
Giving more than we can because we are afraid to say no can only make someone
resentful, exhausted, sick, and even kill them slowly. No one can replace
self care. No one can breathe and sleep for you, you have to make the effort
to swallow your food or the shit that happens to you yourself. Trying to
protect someone from hardship is denying them opportunities to better themselves.
I thought that making my friend taste kindness would empower him to find
the self confidence to reach for his desires, but he refused to try, instead
he saw this as a opportunity to be the one to abuse another instead of being
the victim... No efforts but pressuring by force and intimidation and manipulations
to get all the rewards anyway. He deserves to suffer.
I encouraged it by rewarding it... and I did because I believe that he wanted
to share when he asked... Why wouldn't be? But he only asked, he refused
so much to make an effort that he sabotaged the ones I made trying to do
it all for him... Relationships don't work unless both share and both make
the efforts to build it.
When I said that it was hurting me more intensely than my usual kind begging
(I even cried but he thought I was happy!) he said that he didn't care that
he broke my trust... That all I have to do is continue to give him what
he wants and he'll get that back too... He didn't care that he made me suffer
until I broke because he thought that he could get what he wanted anyway...
He didn't want to make an effort to reciprocate, but he whined and even
threatened suicide when I adjusted my expectations and offerings to what
he actually gave... He deserves the pain that he gave me. He can kill himself
if he wants to. He's dead to me.
He tormented me with grandiose ideals and wishes, he gave me a dream that
became a nightmare... It was extremely hard to ace reality... because he
slowly dragged me into something that I didn't want, that I didn't need,
and convinced me that something horrible would happen to him and me if I
didn't comply to his every whims everyday. It happened so slowly and insidiously,
as I let him cross the line just a little... more and more... It seemed
insignificant until I ended up giving up everything that I loved, that made
me me, my whole identity, so I could find the energy to devote myself to
His contradictions made me feel insecure, and I thought that the solution
was to find comfort in him, but that was the problem. being alone terrified
me and I felt lost, but when I embraced it I felt so free~ This is what
I truly needed.
He refused to start sharing fairly, so I had to stop. I can't control what
other people do, but I can control how I react to it.
I should have respected my limits, but he would always pull harder. He wouldn't
stop, but I could stop to give him the opportunity. The good was just deceit,
he admitted himself that he gives so I'd give him even more... It wasn't
for the pleasure to see me smile.
All the signs where there, but I wanted to trust the bullshit, but the putrid
stench of his actions was obvious even with my eyes closed. Eventually his
kind gifts felt like manipulative bribery, like paying a whore so she'd
comply to what she doesn't want, or a gift to shut up a neglected and betrayed
wife after cheating on her instead to spend that time with her.
Everything moves constantly, so what seem insignificant will only worsen...
If someone break your heart, don't wait until he breaks bone to find out
that he's a pain and not worth the effort.
At first I had to force myself to leave him, and I was so brainwashed and
addicted that it felt like I was dying, pure guilty torture... But then,
as I stepped back and trusted my reason that this is what I need... I saw
things from a different angle... Not through the eyes of someone who just
want to love, but through the cold logical eyes of someone who wants to
understand what's truly going on. When he said that he doesn't care that
he broke my trust, it doesn't matter what kind of context it was, it became
clear that he don't mind hurting me and won't even try to stop... because
like he said "it's easier that way." After seeing what he is clearly,
I didn't want to be with him anymore, I didn't need to force myself for
my own good anymore, my heart wasn't longing for him because there's no
way I can love someone like that... I loved the idea of being loved and
taken care of, I can do that for myself alone.
What he did to me is despicable. My wrongs don't justify his wrongs. At
least I was trying to make him smile, he was trying to make me make him
Now I make myself smile, he can cry all he wants, he earned it.
Lisa Of Shades
28 March 2016
Get back up ^
Technology that I want
Refusing to share
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