Bananapoop ~ The "How to be less stupid" tutorial ~ This is not a banana tree!




Humor ~ Demotivational ~ Animal 1


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Hang in there cat (9 pictures)
Kittens on the internet
Affectionate kittens
Feline slaves
Love isn't shit
Riding a spider
Jumping spider maid Heart Heart Heart
Love bird attack
Aquarium glass
Tinker Bell: Crocodiles
Cat butt: Asexual misanthrope
Duck butt
Jumping spider: bed bugs Heart Heart
Hang in there cat



Hang in there cat (9 pictures)

There’s one picture for each of his 9 lives. So he’s really dead. More ideas and jokes too!

Tenacity: Hang in there even if it kills you (Or don't)

Tenacity - hang in there even if it kills you - dead cat

Tenacity: It can kill you

Tenacity - it can kill you - dead cat - pink

"Curiosity: It sure killed this cat"

Curiosity: It sure killed this cat

“Stupidity: It even comes in cat size”

“Morons: Even cats have one of those”

“Natural selection: Thankfully it works on humans too”

"Letting go: Sometimes it's the best option"

Letting go: Sometimes it's the best option

"Dead cats: They make quiet pets and are easier to wash, just hang to dry."

(Not enough space)

"Dead cats: They are easier to wash, just hang to dry."


Dead cats: They are easier to wash, just hang to dry

"Solace: He can't die anymore."

(Or can he~)

"9 lives: I guess it was his ninth" (But you only have one~)

9 lives: I guess it was his ninth (cat)

Don't worry, he's just sleeping~

"Zombie cats: they like to sleep on power lines"


Zombie cats: they like to sleep on power lines


"Preservation: The worms are going to have a hard time reaching that corpse."

"Cat funambulist: Career ended with a BBQ" or with sparkles or with a bang.


"Seagull buffet: Now doing deliveries in the sky"

As if their feet weren’t creepy enough, look at this mouth. (Stan in American Dad has a phobia of seagull feet) "*shriek* He's ouuurs nooow~ And there's nothing you can do about it~" They're circling like vultures!

Seagulls from tau0 and hutopian.blogspot.

Seagull buffet: Now doing deliveries in the sky


"Sharks: At least they can't fly, but the cat is still fried."


Shark from onlyhdwallpapers. my brain; he never ceases to amaze me. I like the effect out of frame "He's coming right at us!" You can see the slow evolution of my random madness!

"Sharks: At least they can't fly, but the cat is still fried."

"Tremors: The giant worms that make you climb even when you know better." (Horror movie)

"He tried to reach Jesus: He's with the seagulls now."

"Lost cat: Send me a picture of the corpse so that my kids can be traumatized for life and not ask for another one"

This cat: Endless source of inspiration.


I took the picture from another demotivational poster at blogspot "Longcat: Didn't see the powerlines". I can't believe he didn't go for the most classic motivation poster of all times... Too easy maybe...

I changed the sky for the one at walpaperhdd. I think I added more saturation to the cat, he was deader and more grey... with the grey sky it really looked gruesome...

I first put the frame candy pink, but I love when the color fit, and I love orange... But it would have been like "in your face girlies!!!"

I tried some decorations, I wanted hearts, it looks like heart with wings. He's walking on god's power lines in heaven now.

It's awful, how did he even get there? Catapulted? Lost a fight with a seagull?

That picture is like a wish come true for my cynical self, because nothing is more depressing than a real picture... but it just hurts me...

Sometimes it's best to just walk away... but not on a power line.


Aw, heck, I made a pink version, it looks more Goth Lolita. I edited to text, as a warning for girls it bad relationships. And it's more depressing that way~ I've de-saturated the cat and raised the contrasts slightly, it fits better.

Oh god... I thought he was wrapped above the cord, but you can see it completely... His fur is stuck behind the cord... I guess he'll fat in someone's face at any moment. Maybe someone will get a heart attack and go pet him in cat heaven. Can you imagine... a heaven with all the cats that ever existed, and since it’s out of time, probably also all the cats that ever will be born and die later too... Yeah you want that don't you~ Then start changing the litter more often and be in cat-god's good graces.

Sleep deprivation: Endless source of random inspiration and madness.


Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
25 November 2013
Added more 26 November 2013

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Kittens on the internet

You will never hug them.
You will never pet them.
They will never curl up on your lap.
You will never hear their picture purr.
They will never love you.
NEVER.

Kittens on the internet ~ cutest

I hate how people put cute kitties on demotivational poster and try to pass it for dark humor. So I finally made one of the rare posters, besides a hanged kitty, that would be demotivating enough.

Picture from cute-kittens.tumblr.

I wanted a bunch of utterly adorable kittens to make people envy then crush them with the despair to never be able to cuddle them. But this photo was too adorable to me.

I'm quiet fed up with the cat madness. Here's an article:
The Million Dollar Question: Why Does the Web Love Cats?
at mashable.

I think it's because dog lovers are too busy actually going out to take a walk, throw Frisbee and have a life to post endless pictures on the internet.

People who have emotional issues with 12 cats and never go out have nothing better to do. Which actually resume my life, but I do medical research or vent on my tutorial instead. Well, I guess I just made a lolcat so the cats successfully did mind control on me too I guess.

I prefer mice and fish, I have aquariums. They're less mad to breed when you want to have many. Easier to clean.

So before you spent your day online watching cats or putting them there, make sure the litter box is clean. And no bullshit like crushing new born baby kitties into a tiny cup. "Oh it fit" Yeah but they can't breathe and feel scared!!!

If you love cats, show the love TO THE CATS!!!!!!

Purring can help improve bone density, but no amount of cats can replace eating enough calcium in GREENS.

Cats won’t replace lack of self respect and love; you’ll just disrespect and neglect the cats too!

That's why people got so crazy about cats, because everything that comes out of their mouth, even towards themselves, is just plain mean. Instead to make the effort to be nice, they turn to furry slaves. But if cats could talk, they'd probably call you a shit head for not cleaning the litter box too!

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
9 April 2014

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Affectionate kittens

Can’t compensate for your lack of self respect & self care.
You’ll just disrespect and neglect the cats too!
If you love them, stay away from them!

Affectionate kittens kissing

Creepy kissing kittens picture from: fanpop.

I can't stand people who get 5 and more cats (more than 2 is creepy) and don't change the litter box even when the cats are so grossed out and angry that they shit in their beds. I hate people who don't hoard responsibly. If you don't want the responsibility, use pictures! Oh the crying framed kittens in Harry Potter make me want to cry!

I made the censored banner myself, with a desaturated red that won't melt your eyes. I love the cute angry mouse. I adore mice; they're so cute with their huge ears (unlike filthy rats). I used to breed them. That picture repulsed me every time I saw it. I gagged. Now I feel relieved. Ahhh~ It’s strange that my gore section doesn't have that effect on me. I guess crazy cat ladies really traumatized me letting cat shit pile up... and litter in their bed... and fur everywhere... but not in a soft pretty way… *hyperventilates* I'd rather drown in my aquariums. At least they don't wake me up.

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
9 April 2014
Edited text in picture. 6 June 2014
Censored: 15 June 2014
Edited text: 16 June 2014

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Feline slaves

Cats can't tell you that they find you stupid, they hate you and don’t want to be with you. But they sure are thinking it!

Angry kitty ~ Feline slaves

Finally the Internet has some decent cat stuff!

I took the photo from cdn2.www.babble. It was the only angry cat that didn't make me want to puke. This baby cat was too cute: menna.

And here they actually have talent in photography, they're beautiful and poetic and they don't seem to torture: walltowatch. "This adorable kitten is called Daisy and she lives in Japan. She is photographed by her owner Ben Terode." Japan... it explains the higher quality, class and refinement. One well raised cat is better than a dozen of hoarded and neglected ones with a insalubrious litter box. True for humans and everything too.

If you don't want the annoying responsibilities that come with the pleasure, buy a poster. But you'll probably whine that it's expensive and haaard to hang. I have a "hanging" tutorial for that level of stupidity *chuckles* I’m probably worse, but I’m aware of my limitations and at least I don’t have cats… or babies… or sex at all. The risk of popping one more moron out is a complete turn off to me. Yeah... keep enjoying cats instead.

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
9 April 2014

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Love isn't shit

Love

It’s about caring actions, nurturing needs and respecting dignity. Not owning! Don’t make loved ones and yourself live in shit! Clean up your life!!! Massive amounts of cats won’t comfort you from the consequences. With that nasty attitude; you’ll torment the cats too! Do your responsibilities, or you’re unworthy of the rewards. "Please I beg you, if you love me, clean my litter box... everyday. Or I’m so going to shit on your stuff. We’ll see how you like it.”

Love - cat - clean litter box

It's true about yourself, lovers, kids, and any animals.

I'm really sick of people who claim to love cats but just hoard them mindlessly like things without any real love for them as sentient being with needs. But if those people live in shit, don't even clean up their own messy lives... what can cat expect... the same abusive neglect that their owners do to themselves... thinking that fur can make up for it... but it just spread pain to more living creatures. Shit heads!

If you have a litter box for each cat and clean all of them everyday, I have no problem with you. Even if you have dozens. But if you have one and never clean it, try not flushing for weeks and see how you like to sit on that throne of poop.

Putting the litter box in an abandoned room, without aeration or window, so you won't be inconvenienced and able to be in pure denial, is even more cruel... It keeps the toxic ammonia fumes concentrated with no hope of escape... I almost fainted opening the door of a room like this... and I wasn't even in the room yet... I couldn't... but the cat had to... through a cut hole in the door...

If you think that's love, I don't want you anywhere near my life, near cats... or near life at all!!! Thankfully you probably won't have children because no one in their right mind would want someone like you, and that's probably why you inflict your stupid self to cats instead. But there’s soulless shit bags in both sexes, so there’s still hope even for the one of you that’s the most neglectful and full of shit.

I took the image from: It was trash day, of course I got attacked by cat shit at mockable. It's hilarious. He got drunk and once hung over he tried to clean the litter box (only scooped the shit out, when it's such a disaster, replace the whole thing!!! Heck even the box and torch the house!) He ripped the bag and put shit everywere. Tears fell... and it was just once... the cat have to endure it several times a day everyday! They have to go in it barefeet and sit in it and stay there for minutes! And then dig it to try to burry fresh juicy shit... with dry shit...

It's karma dude! HA!

Just teach the kids proper responsibility, damnit. Grab their neck, squeeze until they get on their knees and put their face closer and closer to the shit, like dogs, until they agree to clean it. They will become better people. You'll do society, the kid, his/her future lover and kids a big favor. Your own family life too!

The bad date chronicles – Cat shit edition at thereluctantmonogamist.wordpress.

Another hilarious story. The cat mew pitifully, begging for the litterbox to be cleaned, but he kept dry humping the girl... until the cat shat on the floor staring at her the whole time:

"I pointed out what had happened; then saw him go through all the stages of grief":
  • Denial – “No. There’s no way he just did that. Are you sure?”
  • Guilt – “Maybe I should have offered to clean out the cat box while I was home today doing nothing.”
  • Anger – “That piece of shit. He did that on purpose.”
  • Depression – ” I’m so, so sorry that just happened.”
  • Acceptance – “I guess I better go get my roommate to clean this up.”
He tried to just go back to the bad dry humping and sloppy kissing, but she left and never spoke to him again.

"So fellas – please for the love of god clean out the litter box before you invite your lady over. A cat shitting on your living room floor may be a casual, everyday occurrence to you, but it just might keep you from getting laid."

She's amazing!

Some cat memes at quickmeme.

Enjoy scooping!

Oh wait there's an automatic scooping litter box too, with movement detector to avoid disturbing the cat. See it at catscornervideo. There's a price to being lazy, but it's better to pay some extra bucks than live in shit.

Enjoy your shitty life! It could be worse... you could be your own cat!

Lisa Of Shades
6 June 2014
Edited 15 June 2014

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Riding a spider

Riding a spider ~ It beats being a crazy cat lady!

Riding a spider ~ It beats being a crazy cat lady!

From the movie Hoodwinked 2. She really does look like a crazy cat lady. She said something like: The spider seemed mean but it turned out that all she needed was a friend. Awww~

I love spiders. It's like sharing your home with a very discrete roommate who cleans for you. They're not insects. They're arachnids, they have their own little category~ They're insect killers. The enemy of my enemy is my friend~ <3

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
11 June 2014

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Jumping spider maid Heart Heart Heart

Spiders: They clean your some~

Cute jumping spider in a satin French maid outfit

*Inhales deeply* Aaaawwwwwwwww~~~!!!

Spider maid wearing a bubble hat (from imgur). Probably even more adorable without the Satin French maid outfit (from eBay, extra small... I guess you don't have time to eat when you clean a guy's place...). The yellow maid outfit from aliexpress is even cuter. The Asian girl is so adorable! No need to be slutty to be damn alluring~

The spider is so cute and fluffy~!

If you want to argue that insects aren’t animals and that it doesn’t belong in this section… well, they’re not insects, they’re arachnids. And they’re people too~ All sentient beings are people. Even flowers… and *gasps with repulsion* people…

Enjoy!!!
Lisa Of Shades
11 June 2014

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Love bird attack

Bird lovers. They cut their wings, shove them into cages and scream at them to shut up when they sing. Buy a freaking picture and frame it!!! "How do you like me now!!!?"

Love bird attack

I’d rather be hated or eaten than be loved that way.

I wanted to use a picture from Hitchcock’s movie The birds. But a real attack is even better. Apparently it was a true story, the birds got mad from being poisoned. There are infos at dailymail.co.uk. They should go rabid more often.

I found the picture from another poster at mybroadband: "A flock of seagull. You better run so far away!"

I fed birds once, and I didn't want to give seagulls any but I admired their fighting spirit. At the end all the birds lined in front of me and waited their turns patiently as I ripped pieces of breads one by one. They're far from being stupid. Being so annoying makes it hard to tell, but they survived amongst neurotic humans where many species died... They adapted to US!

If you’re going to destroy everything that makes a bid a wonder ~ the freedom as they soar in the sky, the music ~ then leave the live ones alone, at least take photos!

I find them annoying enough in the sky. But they sure are tasty.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
9 July 2014

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Aquarium glass

Aquarium. Break glass in case of fire.

Aquarium. Break glass in case of fire. ~ Shark

Aquarium shark Image from worth1000.

It's always a lurking fear to see my biggest aquariums breaks spilling their gallons of water, spreading soon to die fish around and shredding my plants.

I guess it could be useful in case of fire... unless there's a shark in it.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
10 August 2014

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Tinker Bell: Crocodiles

Crocodiles. They’re way cuter than cats. They eat alarm clocks and the hands of your enemies.

Crocodiles ~ cuter than cats ~ eat alarm clocks and hands of enemies ~ Tinker bell Pirate Fairy

From the movie: Tinker bell - The Pirate Fairy

He really does those things.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
18 September 2014

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Cat butt: asexual misanthrope

Asexual misanthrope. That’s how I feel about the human crotch. At least the cat only has an ass on his butt, but people can be assholes all over.

Asexual misanthrope ~ fear cat butt ~ human crotch

They shake hands from ass to mouth. You can learn a lot from someone's diet... or poop scent. I guess their hormones are secreted there too and not just in the neck... Maybe he's saying "I own you".

Asexual is a term for someone with "neither" as sexual orientation. It's the opposite of bisexual.

Misanthrope: Hater of humanity.

I got the idea for the last joke while writing too much. It was supposed to be this instead:

Even anime girls bending over with panties are gross. Cats do that to shake hands. I dislike being touched, the stench of your perfume even from meters away and complaints about problems that only you can solve. In fact, if you could stop breathing...that would be great!

I first wrote "some people are assholes all over" but that implies that only some people are assholes, and all the time. It wouldn't be so distressing if there were only a few, and they would be easy to spot if they were assholes all the time, but they usually sweet talk you before taking advantage of you... So the problem is that being an asshole is merged with human nature... and all life forms.

Sometimes I feel like I’m an asshole just like everybody else, and then I come up with a good joke and remember that at least I can be funny, sometimes. At least I don’t take myself seriously even when I do.

If you have any doubts about anime girls being gross, see this poster, I edited it:
Oretachi ni Tsubasa wa Nai: Bloody panty shot
and we're just as stupid as cats:
Alien probe.

Also: 12 types of assholes and how to deal with them at thefrisky. "it's a cold, hard fact that there's absolutely nothing you can do about other people's fucked-up-ed-ness".

It's true. I'm enjoying my craziness too much to stop even if I could.

"...except have a solid coping strategy for how to let their crap roll like water off a duck's back."

I almost wish I was a duck.

I basically come here to throw up the shit that people made me swallow. Maybe the reason why there’s so much shit going on is because we keep throwing up on each other and making each other two up twice as hard watching it… well, I’m not expecting anyone to come and watch me. But I’m doing my best to be horrifyingly funny, at least for my own amused relief.

I’m bashing everyone, so don’t take it personal. I made posters against cat ladies, but I’m admitting with this one that anything is better than humans. I prefer having silent fishes. At least I don’t notice that it’s full of urine and poop when I insert my arm in my aquarium. But yeah, shit is a part of life…

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
5 March 2015
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Duck butt


Assholes. Let their crap roll like water off a duck's back. But good luck with that, you’re not a duck.

Duck butt ~ Assholes. Let their crap roll like water off a duck's back.

Inspired by the quote from 12 types of assholes and how to deal with them at thefrisky.

The duck butt is from whowouldathought-kevin.blogspot. "See? Water does roll off a duck's ass."

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
5 March 2015
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Jumping spider: bed bugs
Heart Heart

Goodnight. Don’t worry about the bed bugs biting, I ate them for you~

Jumping spider with a water droplet hat in a flower

Jumping spider with a water droplet hat in a flower. It's even cuter than a kitten to me.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
12 April 2015

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Hang in there cat!

Person: “Aww~ So cute. *Takes a photo* Hang in there! *Walks away*”
Cat: “Help me, asshole!!! I’m about to die!”
Everybody “loves” cats. But not everyone cares about the cat. Some merely think that it’s cute to torture them. Loving to own cats isn’t the same as loving THE cat. Stop the abuse and neglect!

Hang in there ~ cat in a tree ~ stop abusing and neglecting kittens! Torture isn't cute!

That's why I hate cat pictures, cat lovers, and after seeing how putrid their litter box is "maintained"... I even want to puke every time I think about a cat.

While it's true that cats climb trees and could have done this to themselves, it's still cruel to relish their distress and incoming injuries.

Some of the photos I saw were obviously staged. Kittens on ropes and even small threads, there's no way that they would have walked on it willingly, and especially not that far in the middle. So people forced them there, the fragile kitten probably fell hard on the ground several times before understanding that when the human let go, he better hang on or he'll be willfully and cruelly dropped on the floor

Then, once the kitten learns top distrust humans and fear enough to cling hand on tiny metal wires... the human take his time letting the cat scream for help in distress, until he manage to capture a "cute" photo that isn't too blurry by the cat's frantic struggles or fear, distress, and pain. Some cats looked like they were choking on the rope; some wires looked like they were doing a painful damaging pressure on their little bodies.

How can you not see the pain, sadness, fear...? How can this possibly look cute to you? How can you enjoy the misery of a defenseless animal at your mercy?

I've done bad things to my pets out of anger, it's still unacceptable but I did it because I wasn't in my right mind and lacked self control over my overwhelming emotions. I'm shamed by it, I gave them away and never had pets who could wake me up screaming again. But I wouldn't harm my loved ones for fun when I'm not even angry or provoked the slightest.

I had a family of mice with babies. One of my cats jumped on the cage and threw it on the floor. In a fit of protective rage, I grabbed him by the tail and slammed him against the wall before he had the time to kill my other pets. He never tried again; he ate what I age him. I feel bad about it but it felt necessary at the time to prevent a worse tragedy.

It's just plain degrading to pose cats in distressing positions. Imagine doing that to your child! While he's crying for help and begging for you to stop forcing him... But you ignore it and keep manipulating his body by force into a position that hurts him. That's sick. That's abuse. Animals aren’t objects. They have thoughts, free will and feelings just like any person.

I've seen a video of a cat that learned to speak human speech; he very clearly and articulately screamed "NO!" repeatedly, loudly and with great distress. He sounds like a scared crying child. But their caregivers just laughed their head off and kept forcing him. Assholes. The cat was clean, no mud, not sprayed by a skunk... they just forced their crazy custom on the cat. Just because humans need baths because we're filthy hairless monsters doesn't mean that animals need to. They wash and groom themselves constantly and with great efforts.

Official Video: Cat Bath Freak Out -Tigger the cat says 'NO!' to bath' at YouTube.

How can you not understand!!! He learned to speak human speech!!!!!!!

I would have felt so much admiration and respect that I wouldn't have given him a bath. If he really was dirty, I would have used a wet towel on the muddy area. But he was clean!!!

I want to punch those laughing people so bad and drown their faces repeatedly. Being washed isn't the same as washing yourself. You know when to hold your breath. That's how it must feel for the cat.

There's a form of interrogation that isn't considered as torture, but it is: people put a cloth on your face and pour water on it. Have you ever tried breathing with a wet towel on your face!? It's pure horror. Someone said "It makes people believe that they are drowning. But it's perfectly safe and doesn't hurt them." Oh yeah!? Have you tried it? They ARE drowning, just because you won't let them fully die doesn't mean that they're not in the process of it!

What if cats feel like they're about to die too!? You know that you won't let them die, but all along the cat might think that you want to give him euthanasia, because a caring washing is done with a tongue in their cat world! If they're bad swimmers their instinct will strongly link water to IMMINENT DEATH. Just because a warm bath after a long day is heaven to you doesn't mean that you're not inflicting PURE WET HELL!

Water means harm and death to them. How can you possibly laugh!!! Your actions are telling him “I hate you and I’m going to kill you” in cat language, he cries for mercy, and you just laugh! Damn you asshole. Clean his damn litter box and let the cat lick himself!

After watching the cat video screaming NO, I think baths seriously hurt cats badly, for many possible reasons.

We don't have fur and we have towels. But imagine spending hours with a wet coat or fur. The water stealing heat from your body to evaporate, possibly causing a painful hypothermia.

Low body temperature can make you sick. I saw a photo of a kitten in a bowl of warm water that was taken out and dumped next to it. He meowed painfully and crawled back in. And the person did it over and over again. He didn’t wrap the kitten in a towel and warmed him with his body, close to his heart. People just let the cat dry in the cold. It's like being kicked out in the snow after a sauna. The sauna might not hurt that much and even be pleasant, but you'd shriek your head off if what always came next was an ice cold torture that lasted hours.

And cats spend hours polishing that coat; they probably have a protective substance in their saliva. Also, our water is chlorinated, it doesn't seem much to us, but it can kill my fishes if I don't neutralize it with a product. I don't wash myself with industrial soap anymore, the coloring and perfumes are known carcinogen. It irritate my lungs and eyes, now that I stopped using it I notice it even more now.

I can smell people from meters away. It’s like sniffing a bottle of rubbing alcohol; no you don't smell like fresh roses from a beautiful garden. You smell like a corpse in formaldehyde. If you tried to drench me in that stench in the name of being cleaner, I would claw off your face too.

The only thing that humans have superior to animals is their cruelty. Animals kill to eat or to protect themselves. But we torture and kill for trills and cuteness. That's seriously messed up. But what can animals hope for when we can't even respect each other and ourselves. Try. Start small.

Enjoy cats with care!!!
Lisa Of Shades
1 May 2015

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