Bananapoop ~ The "How to be less stupid" tutorial ~ This is not a banana tree!




Humor ~ Demotivational ~ Anime 5


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Nobunagun: Disappointment + 480p
Daily Lives of High School Boys: 480p beach
Daily Lives of High School Boys: Unconstructive criticism
Daily Lives of High School Boys: Sugary bribes
Daily Lives of High School Boys: Roses
Daily Lives of High School Boys: Soul
Daily Lives of High School Boys: Feminism
Parasyte - The maxim: Overkill fly
Parasyte - The maxim: Girls
Parasyte - The maxim: Intelligence
Hellsing Ultimate ~ Alucard (Dracula): Sorrow
Rage of Bahamut - Genesis: Fishy
Vegeta: it's over 9000!
Kill la KIll: M.O.D.
Yona of the dawn ~ abuse
Future Diary (Mirai Nikki) Yuno ~ psycho best friends forever
Hellsing Ultimate ~ Seras Victoria ~ Backstabbed
Okami-san and her seven companions ~ Tsundere friendship
Assassination Classroom ~ bad teacher



Nobunagun: Disappointment + 480p


Disappointment. Take a deep breath and move on peacefully. Unless you want a sword through your throat.

Nobunagun: Disappointment. Take a deep breath and move on peacefully. Statue with sword.

480p. The definition isn't sharp enough for you? Would you rather get cut?

Nobunagun ~ 480p. The definition is not sharp enough for you? Would you rather get cut?

It's from the anime Nobunagun.

It takes several ideas and attempts to polish something good.

The first is creepier with the extra line. It's too late to take deep breaths after someone stabbed you to shut you up, you can't even breathe at all while drowning in your blood, ha! It makes it extra hard to complain too~

The second one might count as a pun. I actually got a HD screen but I returned it; because it was so sharp that the squares stood out, even more than if the video was of a poorer quality. There's an option sharpen in photoshop that does that when you overdo it.

I like it smooth~

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
5 March 2015

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Daily Lives of High School Boys: 480p beach


480p is like a beach. I like the grainy and blurry texture. It's like looking at the sand with the ocean in my eyes.

Daily Lives of High School Boys ~ 480p is like a beach. ~ Grainy sand blurry ocean.

I edited a frame from the anime "Daily Lives of High School Boys".

My computer screen is an Acer X233H, one of the rare screens without a gaudy glossy screen and frame. The endless reflects from many angles at once has been reported to give headshakes and even seizures by tiring the eyes and overwhelming the brain. My screen looks like a poster. I turned down the luminosity until it looks like paper. Not some light bright toy from my childhood.

I don't see a difference with bigger video sizes, except that it burs out my old computer's processor and can kill my motherboard, and it lags... So 480p is perfect for me.

Sometimes upgrading is wonderful. I adore using RSS automatic downloads with my new torrent program. But when even the people who love the menu of their cell phones hate the new Windows 8 mimicking it... let's just say that I hated everything that came after Windows 2000... and proving me that something can be worse than Vista wasn't an accomplishment.

So I'm in no hurry to upgrade. What's the point to have 4 core if the OS use 3.5 to make super slow gaudy animations. It might look high tech in a science fiction movie, but when I work I like it plain and fast, like a bullet to the head of your enemy.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
5 March 2015

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Daily Lives of High School Boys: Unconstructive criticism


Unconstructive criticism. Attacks against personal tastes are not useful suggestions. Overkill violence is probably the best solution against unreasonable people. You have been warned.

Daily Lives of High School Boys: Unconstructive criticism ~ shut up ~ overkill violence

I love that anime. It's pure hilarious wisdom with causal violence.

Constructive criticism should apparently be asked for too, it's pointless if the person isn't receptive. Maybe they lack the energy, time or just can't despite their best efforts. So criticism would push them into exhaustion and self loathing, it's actually healthier to just hate you and walk away; especially if your opinion is based on personal tastes and not actual facts, it can be perfect the way it is even if it isn't for you. But perfection doesn't exist.

Dealing with unconstructive criticism
at alidavies.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
10 March 2015

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Daily Lives of High School Boys: Sugary bribes

"Why won't you die?! Yay! Sweets!" Sugary bribes. Because it's hard to nag with a mouth full of diabetes.

Daily Lives of High School Boys ~ Sugary bribes ~ It seems kind until they get diabetes ~ chocolate candy

It seems kind until they get diabetes.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
10 March 2015

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Daily Lives of High School Boys: Roses


Women are like roses. Fragile but full of painful thorns if you don't handle them properly.

Daily Lives of High School Boys ~ Roses ~ Women are full of thorns

All women can punch your face, but not all of them are aware of it.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
11 March 2015

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Daily Lives of High School Boys: Soul

The eyes are the mirror of the soul. Salespeople don't have any. Giving them your credit card is like making a pact with the devil.

Daily Lives of High School Boys ~ eyes ~ mirror of the soul ~ salespeople ~ devil

Some of their tactics to manipulate you: 8 Tricks of the World's Best Salespeople at americanexpress.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
11 March 2015

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Daily Lives of High School Boys: Feminism

Feminism. Asking equal treatment with men could backfire if you're not ready to play rough too.

Daily Lives of High School Boys ~ Feminism ~ play rough

If I remember correctly, she gets punched by a girl. Both genders are crazy in that anime. If you hit someone unwilling to fight back and already submitting, you're just a mindless brute.

Enjoy revenge though~
Lisa Of Shades
11 March 2015

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Parasyte - The maxim: Overkill fly

Overkill. It's the only way to be sure.

Parasyte the maxim ~ Overkill. It's the only way to be sure. ~ Fly

A fly punched in the wall with a lot of strength. It's hard to have consideration for the life of something annoying, but humans are really merciless killing machines.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
28 March 2015

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Parasyte - The maxim: Girls

Girls. I think I finally understand them.

Parasyte the maxim ~ Girls ~ I think I finally understand them ~ Empty head

I'm a girl and I don't even understand them. But I'm not a stereotype, I'm merely female technically, because my head is beyond my crotch and I refuse to let it limit me.

Being intelligent is useless if you fill your head with nothing useful.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
28 March 2015

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Parasyte - The maxim: Intelligence

Intelligence. It's not enough. You need to put something useful in your head.

Parasyte the maxim ~ Intelligence ~ Empty head ~ Learn something useful

I have a high IQ, but it was worthless to save my life until I learn how beyond the myth of medicine: the basics of nutrition.

People think they're intelligent because they're not aware about all the things they have to learn. The more you know, the more you know that you don't know much.

People think that they are intelligent because they got a diploma. But learning lies like a parrot only makes you a good parrot.

People think that they are intelligent because they have a high IQ, but if the only thing that you learn is useless superficial stuff that harms you (make up is toxic and carcinogen, nutrition can give you a healthier look naturally without needing to cover up pale lips, black under the eyes and deformed nails with fake ones...)

That's why women look stupid, because we pressure them to learn nothing but stupid things! Women can do so much more than make themselves into pretty sex toys, sperm dumpsters, baby ovens... Men shouldn't fear competition, they should wish for a woman who can compete with them and inspire them forward, instead to comfort them into their insecure filth.

But if we can't even accept ourselves the way we are, so what hope do others have. Not much. So people can spend their entire lives trying to pretend to be something they are not and to cover up what they are, instead to blossom into the best that they can be.

Intelligence is a start, but it's not enough. A simpleton with no education who manages to live a healthy life is far better than a rich genius who chooses self destruction because it seems more convenient.

Enjoy~


EDITED:

By putting something useful in your head, I meant knowledge. But even that will be useless if your brain is too famished or exhausted to pay attention and process the information.

Put something useful in your mouth so it can reach your brain; something nutritious and not just delicious; flavors can merely be from chemicals that trick and poison your brain.

Drugs (even legal ones) stimulants and alcohol are NOT useful. They don't help vital metabolic processes, they even hinder them. You can't possibly hope to truly feel better with toxins... unless you fool yourself and let someone exploit you, but you won't be the one to benefit from that.

What you like and want is irrelevant if you're too stupid to know what you truly need. FIGURE IT OUT!

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
28 March 2015
Edited: 29 March 2015

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Hellsing Ultimate ~ Alucard (Dracula)

Sorrow. I could weep for all eternity and it still wouldn't be enough. But I am unable to shed a single tear. All I can do is smile... and laugh maniacally.

Hellsing Ultimate ~ Alucard (Dracula) sorrow eternity


The dark corners of my mind

The anime Hellsing always had a special meaning for me; I saw it in a very difficult period of my life; when I was slowly accepting the darkness within myself as a part of my identity, after fighting against it so hard that my mind split apart.

I always used mental visualizations to confront various perspectives between different parts of the human mind... the emotional, rational... but I shunned the primal brain. When I finally accepted the last side, the metaphor was about freeing a demon from an underground cell...

What I first saw, in the dungeon of my mind, was a putrid giant wolf that couldn't hold his form; he was made of incoherent smokes and shadows. He was berserk rage personified. But my emotional side was so wounded that I couldn't lead with my heart anymore. I needed all the help I could get, but the very people who were supposed to were my tormentors. I didn't believe in kindness anymore so I thought I could give the opposite a try.

But this mad dog wouldn't have been able to recognize foes from friends, if I had any... So in the hopes to give him awareness, I merged him with my reason, the wise man I have deep conversations with since as long as I can remember... but at the time I wasn't able to listen to reason anymore, I was too lost. The animal took his form and I gave him a simple order "protect the child, it's your duty, the only reason I let you free."

He's only free to attack if I acknowledge someone as a threat. I thought that he'd just blindly murder everything that moves, but he was wiser than that all along, he just walks away, without wasting precious energy, unless worse is necessary. He's calm now that I allow him to serve his purpose instead to force him to watch me suffer in a cage. That wolf now has the softest dark fur that one can imagine.

With all my kindness, the best thing that I could think of to protect my inner child was to kill that little girl. My innocence, my very capacity to feel wonder, sheer joy, trust and love... I murdered her... so no one could ever abuse her again. But that demon, which I thought so vile, made her safe and smile again.

The monster's rage was only fuelled by my pain and the desire to replace it with something better, no matter what cruelty it'd require... That raw evil power... that pure evil... which I feared and hated so much... was the unconditional love that I agonized to death trying to earn from others... and he was willing to give it to me, without asking for anything first or in return, only that I'd allow him to... and he did it times and times again... simply because that's who he is.

My kind side cannot exist without believing in its own purpose: in kindness and love. That demon, that darkness incarnate... proved to me that there is love and kindness in this world, with his own. It was just not the way I thought.

The very reason why I wanted to be pure good from the start is because I wanted to be like the wise man inside me who always guided me kindly. But now that I see him merged with pure evil, I noticed how he was all along. He was kind... to ME... but he was vindictive because disobeying the voice of reason can only bring disaster. His wisdom was from a cold calculating logic. He never asked me to sacrifice myself for others, his kindness was purely self serving, his devotion was pure selfishness... and even when I tried to please others, it was purely for self gratification or in the hopes to appease a threat. I never cared about those horrible people, only about my own worth, but I'm the only one who had the right to chose it.

I believe in returning what is given to me, no matter if it makes me grateful or vengeful.

I no longer believe in absolute good and evil. It's a matter of perspective. Something good for someone would be bad for another. It’s pointless to try to force good on someone who doesn't want it, and it’s futile to sacrifice my own well being for others trying to earn well being.

I finally understand the yin yang symbol. There is good in bad, and bad in good. Both sides make you whole.

Freeing my dark side happened before watching the anime Hellsing, so I was in awe to see all the similarities. Integra meets Alucard by freeing him from a cell; he looks very similar to my own blood thirsty monster, even with a giant dog inside of him. He's even gender fluid, not just being gracious and effeminate; he's even using the body of a woman at the end.

I’m not sure I understand why he did, but as for me, the emotional brain is stereotypically regarded as female, the rational one as male and the primal one as animal. All my three brains have a strong identity and will take leadership as needed; with their own way to perceive, feel and react to the world... so my mind can seem to switch genders.

People judge others based on their crotch instead of their mind, making people desperate to be acknowledged for who they are so much that they butcher their genitals in sex changes. The idea crossed my mind until I figured out that my identity is actually both, we all have an emotional and rational brain, I simply use both strongly. I won't let what's in my pants limit me, so I sure won't let the narrow minded people who cannot look beyond my crotch dictate who I am either.


I don’t consider that I have a multiple personality disorder, I'm simply aware of the complexity of my whole brain and being. Carl Jung (wiki) reached similar conclusions as I did while exploring my own psyche, he called them Archetype of the Collective unconscious. My rational brain is similar to his Wise old man, other page: Wise Old Man and Wise Old Woman. I also made sure to preserve what he calls the inner child. And he also mention the shadow.

So what might seem like a silly story or insanity is similar to the observations of a great philosopher! I instinctively discovered that as a child and as I grew up, without having received training whatsoever, just by daring to look within. I am different and more than the stereotype that people expect & demand, but it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with me, not even when I was at war with myself. At least I know who I am instead of an empty shell waiting to be told... by superficial ads of all things. Oh I’m sure corporations love people like that. But I’d rather be I’m my own servant and master.

Unfortunately, I don't fit in a regular world... and I don't have what it takes to function well in it. By developing a strong relationship within myself, I wasn't using that time to learn to develop relationships with people outside. I don't know what came first, people's rejection of me making me turn inward, or my own rejection of them by doing so... I'm guessing it was my birth, because being an introvert is just the way I am meant to be.

But I can still be very extroverted, but I guess it requires a lot of energy since it might be at the opposite end of my nature. I can't always do it, coming out towards others, but when I do I give it everything I've got… because I know it won’t last, but it can get spectacular like fireworks in the starry night. I try not to take the stars for granted just because they’re always there, because even them aren’t forever. In fact, they might already be gone but their light is reaching us much later.

There is beauty in the ephemeral... and tragedy in the eternal. But we usually expect the opposite. Because loss hurts so much that we find everything related to it ugly. But it's precisely because it can end that it's so important to enjoy and cherish it while it lasts, it's because it may never come again that it's so precious. That’s what can help us see our life as significant and motivate us to move forward in it. Having to spend eternity having to contemplate loss in endless meaningless days would be much more tragic than loss itself. In eternity you lose sense of time, without feeling its flow, you lose the notion and ability to move on.

That's why Dracula's grief is so deep and heartbreaking. He can't grow old and die with anyone else. He's outside of time, he can't die, but he can't live either... trapped in endless emptiness, an outsider looking at everything that he's missing but can't ever reach… with no escape, not even death. I try not to remember, but sometimes I get a taste of how agonizing that feels. Far worse than be denied things, companionship or status… to be deprived of the very essence of being alive, but fully aware of such suffering, with no end in sight. That's how sick I've been, a living dead, trapped in between.

But I'm grateful because it taught me to be grateful for everything... and that I was never powerless. An end can mean a new beginning, but I didn't need to die for that. You don’t need to die to be dead, but you don’t need to die to be reborn and live again either.

I found how to live again: consume life forms and make their life mine.
Seriously. Not eating cardboard grains and chemical toxins, but living plants and animals full of vital nutrients. Life is that simple... and mandatory cruel.

I doubt someone like me will be accepted in society, I wasn't when I was mindlessly devoted and at my best... now that I crossed hell, turned evil and am willing to do the worse, I doubt people will appreciate me more. But I am finally alive, I still can't live much, but I'm more alive than I've ever been before I was ready to fight for it, and live for myself. I’m not too fond of a society that demanded that I mistreated myself so badly anyway. Being an outcast allows me to think freely. But as tempting as it is to blame others for my suffering, it was my choice & responsibility to enable such a thing and play along such a sick game. But there's no point in blaming myself. Taking responsibility means that I acknowledge my own power. I've done this to myself, so I can undo it, never allow it again, and choose to do better.


It amazes me how similar Alucard can be to my own inner story. But my Shad has the vivid blue eyes of angels... even though he’s cloaked in absolute darkness. He always looked like that, even before I freed my dark side. I finally noticed that my guardian angel was never a shining bird, he always looked like a demon. I was never meant to be pure good, I was purely meant to live my own life, even if I had to do evil to defend it. I acknowledged the purpose of my primal brain, taking care of my most vital functions for the sake of my survival... even that blind berserk rage. He was good all along… even if it is only good for me, it IS good.

The story of Dracula always moved me for this reason, the tragedy of having to do something wrong to accomplish something good, the inner conflict that rips the very soul apart...

I admire how he's ready to do what's necessary. I can relate to his distress and desire to improve the situation, even though I cannot even begin to understand his agony, but I always saw reason in him worthy of respect. He suffered more tragedy but also more blessings. At least he's known love and a place where he belongs at some point, and the relief of destroying his enemies. So he's someone that I admire. Sometimes, doing what's good isn't enough, the best thing to do is something really horrible, to dissuade people from doing something way worse... so in the end, it's good. Because dreaming of ideals isn't enough to end a nightmare.

But of course you look wrong, and the people who do nothing but judge you, nothing to improve things, are oblivious that you saved them from worse... and they condemned you to everlasting hell... because they were too stupid to understand and appreciate... because being a martyr was easier than do what's necessary, that's all they'd give to themselves, so they won't give you any better, they will even punish you for having the arrogance to think that you could do better than them... and then they call themselves holy. I don't need a god like theirs. I'd rather forge my own creation with my own self given free will.

In the first version of the anime, they didn't explain the enemy's goals. When the manga (Japanese comic) was complete, they remade the anime as Hellsing Ultimate. Once again it reached me deeply... and reminded me the pitch black sorrow behind my smile.


Quantum physics

To understand the anime and my conclusion, it's best to understand quantum physics. The results change when there's an observer, all possibilities happen all at once, but only one if someone looks at it. There's an short and easy cartoon about the double slit experiment, in a movie at YouTube, at around 3 minutes:

What the bleep do we know? Down the rabbit hole. part 4

Schrödinger's cat (wiki) "is a thought experiment, sometimes described as a paradox, devised by Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935. It illustrates what he saw as the problem of the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics applied to everyday objects. The scenario presents a cat which may be simultaneously both alive and dead, a state known as a quantum superposition, as a result of being linked to a random subatomic event that may or may not occur."

There's someone with that name in the anime Hellsing, like a Cheshire cat but far beyond mere disappearance or teleportation... he's everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

He is aware and can navigate through all the possibilities, infinity and eternity... Perhaps that's why conscious beings are born into life forms... as a way to learn, one step at a time, to navigate through that endless flow without being diluted into nothingness. According to quantum physics, perhaps the thoughts of the conscious mind are the very things that forge the endless universe into existence.

SPOILERS
(To kill Alucard, they motivate him to absorb the blood, knowledge and identity of million of people... along with Schrödinger's power to be aware of all possibilities at once... multiplied by so many people that Alucard loose his sense of self and disappears. It made me cry because I felt how terrifying it can be once, and thought it was way worse than death to be so overwhelmed that I'd lose myself... When he finally reappears, he can choose when and where he wants to be... able to navigate willingly in eternity... to be everywhere, and yet nowhere, like a god. And he chooses to return to his countess.)


This is what I wrote after watching the full Ultimate version of the anime, I really agonized over it... because of how similar I feel deep down:


Sorrow

I watched Hellsing Ultimate. A group of people declared war, but it was never for conquest, glory or riches... it was for death... And not even by sadism against their enemies... but for their own.

I understand how it feels... to long for death, for a sleep without nightmares, but to be unable to die, not by my own hand. My survival instinct always wins the fight.

So those mighty warriors had no other choice but to unleash hell, hoping to open the gate and find someone who could conquer their unwanted will to live and break their bodies until they become free.

Trapped in my own flesh, like a living coffin that refuses to open and let my soul escape. Unable to move back and unable to move forward. Trapped in a second that never ends.

But one day my body almost gave out... and I've seen what lies beyond, out of matter and outside of time: endless possibilities, all happening at once. It was so overwhelming, both magnificent and terrifying...

Life is walking a road on a globe of infinite size; each step is a choice through countless ones. It made me realize... if I can't handle this short minute of this day in the simple path of my life... then there's no way my consciousness can handle eternity itself.

So I might as well be trapped in time, trapped in my body... In this instant... and find a way to enjoy it... and find the right choice that will lead me to happiness, instead of what I think should but obviously doesn't.

I can understand Alucard's servitude to someone. Because as I surrendered to my body, my jailer, and obeyed his will as my lord and master... my existence finally had meaning.

My life became bearable... even pleasant. Because instead to try to please others, the ungrateful and insatiable greedy, I put my needs first... even before my own wants, so obviously before anyone else's. What I surrendered wasn't my will to live; I merely gave up the illusion that enabling abuse was kindness. By giving up the hope to earn and deserve worth, I finally gave myself worth and respect. At long last I started to devote my energy to the right person: me.

I have a good master: my own reason. When I obey I am always rewarded because, as much as my heart can disagree, we are one and his best interest is my own. When I fulfill my vital needs... my life even becomes enjoyable.

Perhaps because this opened my mind to what I truly wanted all along. The love I feel as I take care of myself... it calms the tears of my inner child.

I no longer wish to give up my life... There's no need for a purpose... The only reason to live is life itself, everything else is merely a mean to do so.

Wishing for the end of my being would be futile... because after seeing what existence truly looks like... I am now aware... that there is no such thing... as death.

There is no beginning, there is no end; everything changes. So I might as well be me.

Enjoy~ Even sorrow.


Lisa Of Shades
4 April 2015
Text & poster idea: 26-27 March 2015

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Rage of Bahamut - Genesis: Fishy

Do these look like the eyes of a liar-- YES! There’s something fishy about you.

Rage of Bahamut - Genesis ~ Fishy liar eyes ~ Favaro Leone

Favaro Leone from the anime "Shingeki no Bahamut - Genesis".

Enjoy~



Lisa Of Shades
12 April 2015

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Dragon Ball ~ Vegeta: it's over 9000!

Your forum points are over 9000!!! I don’t care about the number itself, that’d be missing the point. I prefer to give value to my friends and enjoy their company.

Dragon Ball ~ Vegeta ~ It's over 9000!!!

Seriously, get your values straight kids. Even if the whole world do +1 on you, if you don't bond with the friend themselves, you're all alone with a number.

And mods, stop punishing good friends from paranoia when they earn the points the right way. Take away the points, not the friends! That way of you're wrong the person won't even notice the unfair stab, and if you are right, you'll hurt those little jerks where it hurts most and make them see that points are futile.

Mods, there's plenty of bullies for you to pick on, instead of good people who contribute to forums properly... instead to please the unfair complaints of bullies when someone call them on their bullshit. Sometimes someone gets kicked in the balls for a reason.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
24 May 2015

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Kill la Kill: M.O.D.

M.O.D. Murder. Obliterate. Destroy. Shoot first. Don’t ask questions later. Better dead than sorry.

Mod ~ shoot first ~ don't ask questions later ~ better dead than sorry

Forum moderators can seek that power to soothe their insecure ego, so don't expect them to be able to resist the temptation to crush you just for insulting their narrow mind, or annoying them, even if just by refusing to kiss their asses.

I understand; I’m a misanthrope. I wish I could kill people for real and get away with it. But I still think that you’re acting like an asshole.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
26 May 2015

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Yona of the dawn ~ Abuse

Abuse. You are only as helpless as you allow yourself to be. Murder is always an option.

Yona of the dawn ~ glare ~ abuse : murder is always an option

Yona used to be such a whiny spoiled little princess. She learned to be a fierce warrior slowly, even if she shivered and cried every steps of the way, she kept moving forward.

The genuine intent to kill is often more than enough to intimidate people away, they’re often just posers, since they attack only the people they think helpless, they run at the slight sign of fight.

In the end, she shoot an arrow in his chest to protect the guy who came to save her, and kill him. Even after her father disapproved of even holding a weapon for sport, even after everyone tried so hard to spare the lives of the mercenaries. When it mattered, she chose to protect the life that she valued, instead to pretend to be innocent by watching her friend die without even trying.

There is no greater crime than “good” people allowing bad things. Even the worst wrong is better.

Enjoy your life and don't let anyone enjoy it for you at your peril.

Lisa Of Shades
7 June 2015

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Future Diary (Mirai Nikki) Yuno ~ psycho best friends forever

Hello! Thank you for adding me as a friend. I'm very disturbed emotionally and mentally. I could go on a killing spree at any moment if I don't feel safe. Nice to meet you. Let's be best friends FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Future Diary (Mirai Nikki) Yuno ~ psycho best friends forever

Now that's honest friendship and full disclosure... and a fair warning.

I took the wall paper from ipicstorage.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
13 June 2015

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Hellsing Ultimate ~ Seras Victoria ~ Backstabbed

Betrayal. Being stabbed in the back hurts, but at least now you have weapons to kill the traitor who did this to you.

Hellsing Ultimate ~ Seras Victoria ~ Backstabbed

Never keep a friend or lover who hurts you on purpose near you. It is worse than an enemy.

There are things far worse than loneliness: being kept away from true friends, love and happiness by someone who brings you nothing but lies, false hope and misery.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
13 June 2015

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Okami-san and her seven companions ~ Tsundere friendship


Tsundere friendship. Thank you for adding me to your friend list, I agreed but it's still not a done deal, you never spoke to me! Good luck making me warm up to you, stranger.

Okami-san and her seven companions ~ Tsundere friendship

This isabout the people who add me to their friend list without even saying hello or ever talking to me. Including the people who stop talking to me for an extremely long time, brushing me off with indifference when I try to have a conversation. I am sick of allowing fake friends in my life. It makes friendship seem not worth it, and it'san insult to my true friends. I'm done wasting friendship on people who want it, but don't want to bother sharing it.

The guy in love with her can't bear being looked at, so he stalks her in silence instead of expressing his feelings. When he finally does he clings on her leg and she beat him up, often, but she slowly warms up to his determination as he suffer from her, with her, and for her as he tries to protect her even though he's terrified.

Okami means wolf.

Tsundere from urbandictionary:

Tsundere is a slang born on the Internet, and it is a word to describe the nature of female anime or game characters. Tsundere is a word combining two words, both terms describe attitudes of a person.

"Tsun Tsun" = cold / blunt / curt attitude.
"Dere Dere" = when a person becomes spoony in front of his/her lover.

(Definition is from the game " Tsuyokisu Cool×Sweet ")

Therefore, "Tsundere" is a female character who is usually cold, but she becomes spoony on her lover. Or, she is cold to the main character at first, but she becomes lovestruck later.

When a person acts cold towards another before gradually warming up to that person. Or a person who acts cruel to the ones they love, also called a love-hate relationship


There's the dere personality types with character examples at i.imgur.

Online I'm more Tsundere since there are less deadly dangers if I lose control over my darkness. But in life I'm usually Yandere. I'm sweet and innocent first to hide my psycho, until someone give me a reason~ Now that I made peace with it, the people who attack me run away quickly when they see my sweet an innocent smile torn into the glare of an hungry beast. Mwahaha~ And I'm possessive like crazy, the most likely reason for me to murder impulsively would be to catch a lover having sex with someone else. But I'm not interested in trying. Being asexual is for the best. I'm probably Dandere too, not talking to anyone until the right person comes along. But not Kudere, being cold and unemotional but sweet later isn't my style.

I guess I switch back and forth between Tsundere and Yandere, between sweetness and murderous madness.


Adding someone as a friend when you never said hello isn't much of a friendship. I need time to warm up to strangers, and it take courage to bear being by my side since I can have very dark moments, so someone who don't even have the courage to say hello, and don't want to bother spending the time and efforts to know me at least a little... it's meaningless.

I add them out of some hope that they're just social and that they'll dare if I start the conversation by thanking them. But since it hurts my feelings to see so little interest I'll enjoy messing with them with this poster.

I do appreciate the compliment... but unless you say anything nice, it makes you look like you only care about the number stats... if you see me as just a number to boost your ego, you disgust me, die.

But if you're just shy, even the stupidest stuff can't be worse than looking careless, especially since crazy stuff entertain me.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
13 June 2015

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Assassination Classroom ~ bad teacher

Hypocrites. Claiming to be kind doesn’t make it so. If people always where what they seem, no one would ever get fooled. Abusive people don’t always use fear and violence to gain power over you. They also manipulate with smiles, love, gifts, promises or even play the victim to lure unsuspecting preys. But they only care about themselves and what they can claw from you. Don’t stay in denial, they are counting on it. The good that you see in them is a lie.

Assassination classroom ~ hypocrites abusive fool liar denial  ~ bad teacher ~ violence army

He starts as super friendly and like a father figure. But then he starts beating young kids and little girls who disagree with him, demanding absolute power for the glory of his weak insecure ego. Look how even happier he feels after making his prey powerless and harmed. And yet you'd expect a face like that to be caring. Stop letting appearances fool you.

Yup, the world is a terrifying place where the kindest people are often the ones who are the meanest but try harder to hide it.

People didn't understand why I was so mean to such nice people. Well, you can fool yourself but you can't fool someone who refuses to be. That's why they seek easy preys that are hurt, fragile and so desperate for love that they'd believe it even if they get beaten to a pulp. People with such low self esteem that they will let anybody tell them what to do and will never question it as they obey.

Don't follow your heart down a cliff! Don't surrender free will for anything, at least make your own mistakes damnit. Live your own life. You don't need to be worthy to love yourself, it's natural and necessary for survival. Only you have your own best interest at heart. If you want someone to protect you, get ready to fight for your own well being.

I am hypersensitive, hyper intelligent, and hyper intuitive. Sooner or later, I can see through people's bullshit. It's very depressing and maddening, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I have gifts that make it harder to ignore the truth, and I have a thirst for it and freedom. But anyone can see when they dare to.

My illusions of kindness where broken by my own mother when I was just a child. I won't let it happen again. There is no such thing as a fairy tale, but even those stories are freaking gruesome. I won't let people give me poisonous apples even if I'm starving.


Denial from urbandictionary:

Denial (psychological)

Denial consists of the refusal to accept a past or present reality and is most commonly employed to protect the host from their own negative traits; to protect them from the repeated memories of the negative actions of another or to avoid recognising their own guilt for past actions, thoughts or feelings.

It is a self defence mechanism employed by aspects of the subconscious mind in an attempt to protect emotional and psychological wellbeing.

Denial can be a scary and very sad thing to witness in someone that you love or care about; it is generally very difficult to help someone see the truth and especially for them to truly believe and accept that reality on a long term basis.

People deny responsibility every day for a number of things; but denial itself goes far deeper into the psyche than that. While people in denial generally still have the seed of truth still buried within their heads, they generally cannot believe that it is the truth even when confronted with it. This is due to the mind in effect rewriting or superimposing a more acceptable reality over the original memory.

Even with abject proof of an events occurrence, someone in denial is highly unlikely to fully accept the particular reality that their mind has decided they cannot cope with. They are more likely in that instance to use projection or minimisation or to continue or revert back to being in full blown denial.

Are you in denial about your “ability to give a shit”?

Do you deny your cruel words?
Do you deny that you are selfish?
Do you deny that you are shallow?
Do you deny that you lied to me about love?
Do you deny any blame for your own actions?
Do you deny guilt for cheating with your mind?
Do you deny that you chose to go back there of all places just after my birthday to spite me and therefore met him out of your own negativity, selfishness and transference of trust issues?
Do you deny that the only person you will ever really care about is yourself?


I'll add:

Do you deny that you hurt others because your ideal of perfection is more important than being a good person?
Do you deny that you'd rather argue or abandon someone who doesn't see you as a good friend rather than try to improve how you threat them?
Do you deny that being seen as a good person is more important than being a good person?
Do you deny that all you truly care about is your own insecure ego and how you can use others for your own satisfaction?
Do you deny that you madly crave power because you feel utterly powerless?
Do you deny that you want to control others because it seems easier than trying to control your life and yourself.
Do you deny that nothing is ever good enough for you because you never stop your greed for more to appreciate anything?
Do you deny that you feel like you'll never be good enough to be loved?
Do you deny your shame because you think that there is no way you can improve yourself sincerely?
Do you deny the sincerity in the love from others because you are incapable of feeling it for yourself?
Do you deny that you can do it on your own because you are too scared to fail?


I'd rather be insane than live a lie. You can't be sane if you believe in illusions. Leave them so you can find something real somewhere else, it will feel truly good.

Psychiatry was probably invented to shut up the people who woke up to the harsh reality, not to help them but to protect the illusions of the people still in denial, to prevent revolts and keep controlling the population.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
17 June 2015

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