Bananapoop ~ The "How to be less stupid" tutorial ~ This is not a banana tree!




Humor ~ Demotivational ~ Puns


Sandwich ~ Sand witch
Boobie trap ~ Breast in a bear trap
Tomato ~ toe
Hitler ~ Hit her
Dildo ~ Dill pickle
Iceberg... lettuce Heart Heart Heart
Catastrophe ~ Cat ass trophy
Puss in boots ~ Pus in milk
Religious nuts
Smother: smothering mother
Hail Hitler
Write properly ~ You not U



Sandwich ~ Sand witch

Make me a sandwitch. How about a sauté instead?

Sandwich pun ~ sand witch

I’m a French Canadian and learning English made me memorize countless words, but not always the right way. Dyslexia is probably the brain associating a unknown word to a more familiar one and failing (when you put typo back together without noticing, it’s convenient though). I ended up writing sandwitch this way on purpose. Sometimes stupidity is funny, and the grammar Nazi in my brain accepted to show some mercy.

The image is from holmesfromthecrypt.wordpress: The Crypt interview Theo Rosenblum by ryanholmes89.

Sauté means to jump in French. I guess it could be seen as a sexual suggestion.

My sauté (see delicious images at google) are more like steamed... I put vegetables, meat and boiled potato noodles in my big pan (with thyme, ginger, salt and butter), put the lid on and let it cook in its own juices. I have just enough time to prepare my salad (with cucumbers, green apples and now green raisins) and it's ready~ 5-10min. A sandwich really does taste like sand and a witch dead skin to me. Cold meant… repulsive. I use pieces of chicken cooked in the oven~

See my for Health ~ Recipes for happiness section more.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
20 June 2014

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Boobie trap ~ Breast in a bear trap

Boobie trap: Don't go for it. It’s from a blow up doll. It’s probably going to explode.

Boobie trap ~ Breast in a bear trap

There's 2 puns for one! It tells how stupid people are if they don't notice the metallic jaws and think it might explode. But it will do both~

Bear trap from Credit Risk at ourfinancialsecurity.

Bouncy Brenda blowup doll from polyvore. Oh crap they write blowup in one words... there's also blow-up and blow up too. I guess they don't care much for grammar when they want to fuck plastic. Thak you for not raping.

When I do searches for images I find strange stuff... here goes:

Why is a "boobie trap" called a boobie trap? at yahoo answers. "The word "boob" traces from the Spanish bobo meaning stupid" (read a lot more there).

So basically it's a trap for fools... and boobs are probably called after the trap, and not the other way around. Fools will mindlessly go after boobs. Women use them to trap men and get all their money. But it's men's fault for being so obsessed. But it's probably a sign of calcium deficiency. Eat greens. Baby formula is all about sugar and not calcium... it's insane. Nestle found a way to sell women their own body juices to them. Too bad it makes obese and dead babies. God forbid that we use boobs for their intended purpose instead to only sexualize them. Hey dudes, women have 2. Leave one for the kid!

Japanese face slimmer is TOTALLY NOT a sex toy at dangerousminds. It's a face exerciser... riiight. The guy either desperately needed to get laid while inventing it, or he was jerking off thinking of all the stupid girls screaming vowels with a gag that force them to suck in their mouth... thinking it's to stay pretty. Girls will do anything if you tell them it's to be pretty and desirable... It's easier to swallow when they don't tell them straight to their faces that it's for the guy's amusement and arousal. Or to demean them as they look stupid. But Asian girls always look pretty.

Rescue workers saving more blow up dolls from lakes and rivers by mistake at iwishnews. She wasn't even inflated, it's a sign that anorexia went too far, or it's wishful thinking at work. Probably both.

Sander reijgers: blow up doll art at designboom. A disturbing ball of bicolor boobs. It would probably be the perfect woman (if it has holes in between) but it reminds me of the movie The Thing too much.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
20 June 2014

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Tomato ~ toe

Tomatoe: Not a vegetable. A fruit with a limb.

Tomatoe: Not a vegetable. A fruit with a limb.

Toma's toe.

Toma (name) at wikipedia: "In European and Assyrian usage, the name Toma is a version of Thomas, originating from Aramaic t’om’a, meaning ‘twin’." So I CAN write it that weird way. Nice. In your face Word corrector! It's a surname but, oh well, people tried to call their kids worse. 10 illegal baby names at uk.lifestyle.yahoo. I like Samaelle for a girl. It's the made up female version of Samael, basically one of the Devil's name. But a name that ends with "el" refers to angels. It'd be inviting infuriating typos though... Oh yeah Word is going nuts.

Totamo from ask-tomato-onceler.tumblr. It's actually a woman's toe. Nice quote by dont-stop-runninggg:


"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."

I had a hard time finding a beautiful toe. Google is either full of wounds or creep coating themselves with floor varnish. Imagine putting it all over yourself, even your eyes, and injecting it so it will go into your organs and brains... skin and everything tends to do that... Now you see through my health conscious eyes. It's creepy. It's to hide disease. It creates more. It's bloody toxic!

I finally found one pretty enough, a guy's toe was too gross, but a girl's wounded toe finally fit. I like how the red is in harmony with the tomato. I'm a psycho. Toe Woe at twentyonedayhabit.blogspot. I love her shirt: "Every damn day, just do it." I like constructive bluntness.

And the weird stuff: How weird wwould it be if we had one giant toe at collegehumor. Well, my feet still look like hands a bit, my big toe is shorter than my 2nd toe (thankfully it's not that one that's abnormally longer). I even use my feet like hands, while some people can't even use their left one slightly. So to me an average toe looks like a huge toe.

And if you think I look dumb with my wide flat shoes (I even have different lace colors, one green and one blue. Why should I have to choose? I don't.) look at what happens to people who wear high heels too much, look at those deformed toes in the article Cross over toe surgery. What is a cross over toe? at bunionsurgeryny. Oh yeah that looks very elegant and feminine. Freaking circus act.

Do you wonder why they don't smile and are bitchy? It's not because they think they're better than you, they're desperate at pleasing you with those shoes, it's because they're in PAIN! And probably also because you're a shit head with no manners or hygiene that doesn't make all that torture worth it. Guys, you like high heels, then WEAR THEM! If everyone did what they truly liked, we’d have more relaxed happier people. I HATE and LOATHE to be pressured to look like a bimbo Barbie. Fuck it. I don't.

I change my socks everyday, make sure that my diet is alkalinizing, wash myself in baking soda... my nails are pretty, I don't need to cover them up with floor varnish, of all things. That'd just seal the fungus in. Taking calcium+D3 and probably magnesium and the B complex made my nails grow faster and stronger. Try that.

Tomatoes seems to be too acidic for my fragile skin, so I don't eat them anyway, but otherwise I’d probably never look at them the same~

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
20 June 2014

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Hitler ~ Hit her

"One of these days... BANG, ZOOM! Straight to the Moon!"
Your girlfriend spent all your money and didn’t leave you any? She bought 5 cats after killing your dog? Hitler / hit her. Feminism: The equal right to work to buy your own shit! Lisa of Shades, feminist.

Hitler, Hit her, domestic abuse, bang zoom straight to the moon, feminism

I wondered if it was possible to make a pun with Hitler. It's close enough~

The quote in the moon is from
Show: The Honeymooners (CBS, 1955-1956)
Character: Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason)

Wikipedia: She has grown accustomed to his empty threats: "One of these days... POW!!! Right in the kisser!" or "BANG, ZOOM! Straight to the moon!", to which she usually replies, "Ahhh, shut up!".

Or The Honeymooners - POW! at YouTube

I first heard it in Family Guy (YouTube, shaky camera) their version is funnier.

Hitler's picture is from Pupils facing suspension over Nazi salute photos at telegraph.co.uk

He also looks like he's about to score at basketball. I first wanted to make him say "I slapped her so hard she flew right through the window." But then I remembered the popular quote. I took the photo of that moon. Yup~ I OWN that moon. It's blurry but it's MINE!

I'm a misanthrope. It was just a matter of time before I put a picture of Hitler in my site... I don't agree with everything that he did, or who he did it to, but at least he fought for his convictions and tried to clean the planet from stupid humans. Not many people can say that. I like Lincoln for the same reasons, maybe a little more because it takes a great man to convince fools to change their harmful ways. It’s usually faster to round them up and kill them. You have the right to disagree. But our overpopulation problem, causing food and job crisis, would probably be much worse without him. To be objective you have to look at the good and the bad too. He wasn’t the devil, he was just another human. He did what everybody does everyday, but on a larger scale. Gossip and bullying never killed anyone? Oh really? At least Hitler wasn’t a hypocrite: "I hate you, bang you’re dead. In your FACE!" It's horrifying but respect that... in a terrified kind of way~

I made jokes about Jesus, technically laughing about Hitler should be better. Why do I feel guilty… maybe I care~

But it's not about Hitler. It’s about domestic violence. Hopefully comparing men like that to Hitler might discourage some. But I think that we can all agree that if the girl kills your dog you can hit her. It will allow you to plea legitimate defense claiming that you got scared to be next, and slapped her to distract her while you made a run for it.

I never heard of a story like that, to kill his dog to buy cats… But the part about doing it with HIS money until there’s nothing left for his needs… is true. I can’t find the article, but a man went to withdraw money from his bank account to find out that he had none. She pent everything. I assume that it was more than 20 bucks because he beat her really bad. She had a huge black eye, pouting like a spoiled brat who was sent to the corner for putting the house in fire and killing grandma. Honestly, I have no tolerance for being hit, especially not by someone who loves me… but damn I’m glad he beat the shit out of that bitch. Go earn your own money. I’ve been brutalized for other people’s frustrations that had nothing to do with me… I’m poor and disabled on welfare but I don’t make random guys or some steady sucker pay for junk.

How can I get my girlfriend to stop spending money?
at yahoo answers.

You can’t make people do anything they don’t want to do. But maybe if you sit down and make the list of monthly bills and let her see how much she TRULY has to spend on junk, she could at least make the informed decision to be a bitch. I have maybe less than 1000$ The bills that is taken automatically for rent and electricity and this web site… I end up with 420$... after food 100$ and I have to buy my vitamins and toilet paper with that too. I don’t go crazy buying a 500$ TV every months. No I cannot afford this shit. I don’t need it either. I’m super cozy in my bed on my 23 inch computer screen.

Girlfriend spends all her money on junk and complains when I dont buy her stuff.
He stood his ground and she apologized. But bitches, this is because of such immature and irresponsible shit that men are afraid to commitment, fuck you and throw you away, cheat on you, and maybe even rape and even kill some. I blame malnutrition and overwork on spousal abuse, I can become blind with hunger rage if my blood sugar goes too high and crashes goes too (alcohol is especially extreme on it) or if my anemia makes me blood thirsty... But sometimes bad things happens for a damn good reason!

So yes there's a lot of unfair shit that should never be done out there... and girls, using your guy like an interac machine is one of them! You make him deny himself his needs so you can have the next fix of want... You deserve a good "POW!!! Right in the kisser!".

Guys, get inspired by this: Stop being a pussy, beat your kids! at thebestpageintheuniverse. But have the wisdom to know the difference between just being tired, and being tired of HER! If it’s really her, then just kick her out of the door… and if she spent all your money, what the hell were you thinking giving a woman your password!!!? You deserve half of that slap.

And I AM a feminist!!! A hard core one. I'm also against domestic violence (unless it's mutual foreplay. See my: Bloody cooking tools. But it doesn't mean that women can act like assholes until they deserve to be punched in their ugly painted face... and not get punched in the face! If you truly ask for it, I'm so not sorry if you get it.

Stealing so much of his hard earned money, humiliated and exhausted by his boss and coworkers, and enjoying yourself for hours and months... while all he gets is the relief or hiting you one second for being a heartless selfish bitch, abusing and exploiting him at home too... Damn girl, you get the better end of the stick!

Poor guy, working abused and exploited, to give the money to someone else to abuse and exploit him... Ripped apart on both ends... And you wonder why he drinks and beats you... when he doesn't get a decent meal, some cleaning or at least sex from such a whore!!!

You have it great even if he sends you to the hospital, it's like a pampered day at the spa for you, otherwise you'd LEAVE THE GUY!!! But no~ That would mean having to take responsibility for your life, pay for your own shit, and no longer having someone to dump your mess on when you mindlessly screw up everyone's lives. Bitch.

Guys... if that's what you end up with... Invite the mother in law (just bear with me) and then announce that you're kicking her out and she better take back her daughter or she'll end up in the street like the whore that she is!

Then you're FREE! Wouldn't that feel better than slapping her around like a deformed pillow?

I don't want guys to pay for my stuff even if I'm mega poor, because I don't want to become the lousy kind of person who exploit others and see them like walking wallets, having it easy means that I won't know how much it's really precious! Believe me, when I do go out or get something, it's pure freaking bliss! And I make sure that it lasts a long time.

Bitch, you have money, use it. Or you're just a portable whore that he has to pay. Tell him you'll suck his dick for 20 bucks or do anal for 30. If you're going to act like a stupid whore, being with a guy for his money ad not respecting him, then go for it, go all out, drop the act, and find yourself a street corner. Then you'll have all the lip gloss that you want, in 50 shades of pink. I hope that a drunk driver will hit you. Or if you have a brain, use your money intelligently; deny yourself some shit so your lover won't have to suffer instead of you, dumping all the responsibilities on him, them claiming for equal treatment. Bitch. Go wash the dishes on your own!!! I'm invalid but at least I'm not a fucking whore!!!

Every month I write the list of what I spend, and what it was on, and withdraw it from the total I have this month. Then I divide it for each remaining weeks, so I know how much money I have left at all times, and what I can buy. I know that I love to buy quality foods to heal, I stopped being depressed and in pain, so I spend 50$ every weeks. If the meat is in special half price, I use my credit card and stuff my freezer.

It’s worth it because I SAVE money; and I won’t need to pay interests because it’s not a big debt like a TV, a car or a house. I save money BEFORE I buy expensive things, because I could end up with something vital unexpectedly needing repairs and no money, or space on my credit card… A TV is worthless if your refrigerator breaks… I spent a week without it, it was surprisingly distressing.

I make my OWN meals. I can do a feast for 3$. I ate a 13$ junk food meal and it didn’t nourish me; I was still hungry after, feeling cranky, my gut burned from all the chemicals… I can do better by buying in bulk. Yes it costs me 30$ instead of 13, but I can even have 14 meals!!! I can survive comfortably for a week on 30$, it’s 2 fast food meals!!! Very healthy foods. I spend 50$ now because I eat way more (yet I don’t gain weight, I have more energy because the nutrients are usable). I buy bio goat butter, salmon and very fancy stuff.

I don't waste money on things that are fine as they are! There’s no nail polish on me. I have my real hair color, it never fades away. I cut my own hairs because I keep them super long, so the cut doesn’t need to be complicated. I’d rather screw up myself, for free, than have a zealous bitch cut a foot off, because she never practiced on very long hairs and it’s too hard for her. I only buy clothes that I fall deeply in love with, want to wear almost everyday, and can be combined with others to create new outfits. Which is rarely.

I buy what I need, not what I want.

To control compulsive buying: If I find something that makes me got nut, if it’s above 5$ I have to go out of the store and wait at least a day (or a freaking hour) and if it still haunts me, I can go back and buy it. IF I have enough money and really want to cut back on the next thing. Nothing is worth starving for. Often I just get bored of the initial excitement quickly, yet a few times I went back… but it was too special to be able to use it everyday.

I invest in my life, I don’t spend it away.
I mean that I only buy things that I can use everyday (I hate hoarding, I never get rid of things, so I make sure I really need them) or foods that I can heal myself with, not just enjoy briefly, end up fat, hate myself, and need a whole new set of clothes.

If I go to a restaurant, it has to be something I can’t do better at home. And I have to try first. I CAN do sushi, but they will never beat those made by a professional Asian! Like an all you can eat buffet of high quality Sushi at Kanda (well, it’s good enough for me for how much I eat and what I pay!). I make sure going to the restaurant is a huge event. Not some cheap cardboard pizza in someone's smelly car! I went to a medieval restaurant and ate animals that you won't find in fast food restaurants. It was expensive, but it was a delight, the ambiance was like traveling back in time (without the rapes, the house burning and the starvation...). It's not the kind of thing that you can go to everyday, but it is worth waiting for.

I keep nuts and water on me at all times
so I don’t fall in a 10-20$ junk trap on the go, out of desperation. I don’t let such companies do that to me. Today I went to a park with a meal from home, tried to hurry so it’d be still warm, and ate watching duck play in the pond… It was bliss~ Instead to eat toxins and watch obese kids shriek their brain damaged head off.

I don’t feel like I’m missing out, I don’t feel deprived. I feel empowered by being independent and doing things for myself. It's way more than being a cheap princess full of glitter, and being served rancid junk by people who might not wash their hands when their pick their nose or take a shit... or spat in your food because you looked down on them.

And when I finally buy something, I make sure to appreciate it. Sure I can't buy the new games right away NOWNOWNOW, but until the price get lower and I have enough money saved, I go back to my old games and relive the best moments of my gamer life!

Greed is over rated.

Patience is a virtue that I do not have, but it won't stop me from making reasonable choices.

My own evil never ceases to amaze me. But I do have a point. I’m glad I could understand some guy’s point of view. But hitting someone less strong as you still make you an asshole. Use words. Or grunt in disapprobation. And change your password. Don’t underestimate the power ofNO”, and “Do you want blood with my money!? Get the hell out of my life you vampire!” I only want the blood~

But there is an exception to this, when it's agreed from the start, even if it’s just implied:

If you get yourself a girl much younger than you... don't expect her to be your equal and a responsible mature adult... that's precisely what you turned your back to when you picked up a brat. You'll be nothing more than her sugar daddy. If she planned to use money intelligently and appreciate every bits, she wouldn't go for a man old and gross enough to be her father... she'd get a job and a boy her age. You can’t blame those, because you bait them with a wallet, and certainly not as an equal, so that’s what you get. A spoiled brat, who’ll try to exploit you just as much as you planned to, but not physically because that’s not what you’re good for at your age~~~ Also true if you're a rich obese blob and get yourself an anorexic silicone Barbie. It's sex for money, don't be surprised, something so obvious doesn't need to be said. But I'm glad I could rub your stupid face in it.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
21 June 2014

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Dildo ~ Dill pickle


Would you like a dilldo with your smoking hot meat?

Dildo dill pickle smoked meat

I almost gave up on that one when I searched for dildo shapes and saw humans using it… I don’t want porn in my site, I want sarcasm! But I’m glad I finished it.

It seemed empty with only the dill pickle so I wanted to put a transparent smoked meat sandwich (made the witch typo again) to add some colors. It was a bit confusing even transparent, so I threw it in the upper right corner, trying to make the dildo seem like it’s part of the plate…

Then it hit me! The meat looks like a vagina’s lips!!! And there are two side by side… with a big opening!!!? It’s a sign! So I removed the plate and put it just right. The expression “she’s smoking hot” just got a deeper meaning, and I’ll never see that sandwich the same… It looks dry. Sautés with cucumbers are better.

Edited: Replaced smoked meat by smoking hot meat. It sounds more like a lame pick up line. "Thank you~ I'd rather use a dildo than your dick, sir~"

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
21 June 2014

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Iceberg... lettuce Heart Heart Heart

Tragedy: Titanic hits the Iceberg lettuce! People lost weight!!! Wheelchair companies went bankrupt!

Titanic hits iceberg lettuce

This is just priceless... on so many levels. Thank you my crazy brain! It was totally worth being unable to go to sleep, hammered by sudden inspiration at the moment my head hit the pillow. Just to mock me, or my pillow is magical... or I opened my mind as I let go into slumber~~~

That lettuce is tasteless, I'm so glad I switched to red frilly lettuce. Look at that beauty: Red Salad Mix they give you ideas at babaroots. I just dress it with green apples and cucumbers. It's juicy enough~

The titanic picture is from Incredible new animation reveals how titanic hit floundered and landed on ocean floor at theblaze.

I added the Iceberg lettuce from bearsupply.

Titanic Iceberg Found! at cbc. It was too big to be taken into custody, but the government is building a giant prison so that this tragedy will never happen again, with money from tax payers. I guess the orphan children's hospital will have to wait. (Just kidding I didn't read the article. But people are so stupid that it wouldn't surprise me.)

Too bad there are still plenty of other icebergs at large anyway... Titanic threat: Why do ships still hit icebergs? at bbc.co.uk. I don't need to read it all to guess that it's not from a lack of technology, but from human arrogance and stupidity. How much technology do you need, you have TWO eyes! One if you're a pirate. Arr~ But actually, my brain just reminded me that they never lost an eye, they keep one in the dark to have rapid night vision. It helped the robbing and escaping... and killing people in their sleep after boarding them. Even relics can be more intelligent than us now... Technology made us lazy.

I looked up wheelchairs for obese people, since I thought they probably gave them a less “handicapped” name… like “Motorized personal vehicle” or something that didn’t imply “I turned myself into a cripple by lack of self control making stupid food choices.”

Well, I’ll just use the word wheelchair, but I found this nice article: A fat woman in a wheelchair: Primary Narcissism at abovetopsecret: "an ungodly obese woman in a wheelchair whose very life depended on her willingness to move her own body refused to GET UP. Even people that have nefarious or evil intentions (Hitler) are at least attempting to accomplish something. But this woman in the wheelchair has lost the ability to be at cause of anything." AH! Finally someone who can see that Hitler is way better than so many! Well, she sure caused her own ungodliness.

"In Psychology, we often make reference to Narcissism. What we usually are talking about is Secondary Narcissism. But what this woman is experiencing is called Primary Narcissism. It is the type of feeling in which you wish to return to the womb. You wish to back away from the Evil Curses of the World, and curl up into a ball and go back to sucking off of mother's teat. Admit it. You want to judge her, but you are just like her. She has her excuse. Let’s hear yours"

Oh hell no! My mother flooded my fetus self with cola and chips until she became fat and neurotic. I was so malnourished I came out sickly and frail. I'm way better off controlling my life!!! Don't be at the mercy of someone else's stupidity! That is NOT heaven.

Unless they know what they're doing and doing it flawlessly, but there's no such people. Not even me. But maybe you'd be better off under my rule, but you’d still have to live your own life. But you wouldn’t be happy as a parasite in my body... I'm sick... and I don't mean crazy, even though I am too. Well, I eat so well that my body would kick you out quickly.

I do judge her, because as much as I ruined my body trying to "succeed" in life... I took care of myself and turned my ship around completely before I ended up like her. Or maybe not, because I had days where I could have used a wheelchair but I can't afford it... Well, I can walk just fine now. Someone replied something was even more amazing:

"I was paralyzed at age 12 and was in a wheelchair. Though 3 doctors told me I'd never walk again, after 6 months of being wheelchair-bound I started walking again and even walked out the front doors of the hospital. I went on to work carpentry at habitat for humanity in Georgia, work my own restaurant for 6 years, and so on and so forth.
Who needs a *snip* excuse?"

I read a quote stating:

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody" by Bill Cosby, found at GypsyNester.com

I am ashamed that I don't have a job, and my excuse is that I tried to hard, and people didn't want to pay/appreciate/accept/give me a chance... There's so much I can do alone.

But I don't think working full time in a fast food restaurant or doing telemarketing would really make me a better person. Society pays me to stay quiet instead to rob people, and I'm grateful and content with what I'm given. Even though I could use more and could enjoy killing a few people. You got me cheap, prison would be way more expensive. And people working in the fast food industry kill a whole lot of people.

As imperfect as I am (I no longer try to be more than humanly possible) at least I take care of my health with the best of my resources and capabilities. There was a time that I was so weak that I had to cling on the furniture and walls to reach the toilet. I had to put my head against the refrigerator to be able to stand up long enough to make myself a meal. But I didn't microwave a TV dinner! Or ordered some junk... I knew that I would never be freed and healthy if I did that... So I cut my vegetables... slowly... once a week... for hours... Now I can do it and my dishes twice a day, no problem!

Your excuse is invalid, that's why you become that way.

Rebuilding my body is taking a long time, I don't know if I'll be able to work someday. But I still give to the world; I just do it for free. Because it amuses me. I'm glad to share.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
21 June 2014

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Catastrophe ~ Cat ass trophy

Cat Ass Trophy: To the Craziest Cat Lady. For the foulest litter box. It truly is a catastrophe.

Cat Ass Trophy, catastrophe, crazy cat lady, hoarding

It turned out way more stylish than I thought… and it’s the acronym for CAT. Impressive~

I took the cat's ass from another demotivational poster about grammar: Cat Ass Trophy at funnyjunk: Mixing up "your" and "you're" just because it sounds similar is like mixing up "catastrophe" with "Cat ass trophy". (end quote) It's signed sillylikes.com

Actually some people write catastrophy, which is pretty close. I've almost been one of them. I'll blame my French Canadian for that. But it's also catastrophe... But turning French words into English words often only take a "y" or something.

I took the amazing trophy from 3d gold trophy cup at psdgraphics. The admin said it's 3D model plus photo realistic rendering. I wish I had that talent. I don't know for sure if it was free, I usually do my best to avoid stealing art, even though photography is also an art, but compared to pushing a button 3D rendering sounds more complex and respectable... I can do photography, I can only dream of doing 3D. Well, they made it extra easy to take with a download button, so I'm guessing it's free. Strange. Even the site claiming to be royalty free claimed for money once I allowed javascript... So... Please forgive me for butchering your art, may it bring you smiles~

The hearts are sarcastic... because cat ladies like hearts and shit. yeah, they like shit too! Why else would they let the litter box fill up with so many cats for so long.

They traumatized me so bad that I started cringing every time I see a picture of a cat... just remembering the putrid smell... They can't even bear it themselves... God I hate Cat Ladies... they are an insult to cats. May they be devoured in hell by an army of hairless rats. Especially that bitch that caged them and let their wounds rot in their own feces.

You do NOT hoard living creatures if you're too much in denial and stupid to take care of even yourself properly! Limit the catastrophe to your own fitly ass! No need to pave your road to hell with cats... oh I should totally make a montage of that...

Another reason is this funny picture, not so funny when it happens to you, and it has to me: Fear the cat butt at roflcat. The face he makes is priceless.

Fishes and fake fur blankets are way better.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
21 June 2014

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Puss in boots ~ Pus in milk

Pus in boots and in milk. Pasteurization: if it needs to be boiled, it means it’s infect. But it’s still better than soy milk. If it needs to be fortified with vitamins and minerals, it means it’s worthless. Not so cute now, uh! "Drink me I dare you. I’ll stab your gut!"

Puss in boots ~ Pus in milk

I got the idea from my poster Pasteurization. I kept misspelling it. If you want to read what it's about there's more info there.

The puss milk from a cow with mastitis, an udder infection, is from Mastitis and mrsa. The cat's costume is from wikipedia. The text is from another wikipedia picture too.

I'd still be grossed out about the puss even if someone used a flame thrower on it. Nuke it from orbit!!!

I love being insane; it' so much fun~ Unless it compels you to make people drink puss for profits... and destroy healthy raw milk, blaming the wrong people, before the citizens figure out that pasteurization doesn't make the standard of quality in milk, cows health and farmer care does.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
10 July 2014

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Religious nuts

"Let the little children come to me. Matthew 19:14", "Toilet paper is for our sexist shithead." Religious nuts. They’re all the same. They won’t be satisfied until you’re converted, molested and dead. Live your own damn life! I apologize to tree nuts for this insult. Unlike fanatics, they’re not full of shit, they’re delicious!

Religious nuts ~ Christianity pope ~ Muslim ~ terrorist ~ googly eyes ~ walnut ~ demotivational

Interesting positive article: The best and worst nuts for you at perezhilton. They’re all best when fresh and natural, and not splattered with cheap rancid roasted oils.


Here's the rest of the text that I wished to add:

I don’t want to share heaven with pedophiles. I’d rather burn in hell with murderers. But apparently they go to heaven too.

Buddhism is a great philosophy, but I don’t want to be reincarnated in this shit hole.

Gaia lovers are wise, the planet’s nature is the only deity that you can’t survive without.

Worshipping the creator’s creation directly, with gratitude and respect, can’t be wrong no matter how you do it or how you call it.

Many religions are so close minded that they’re missing their own point. Stop being so controlling; it only shows that you’re insecure.

I’m going to worship myself and quantum physic. I only trust my own madness and the realm of infinite possibilities.


I made them side by side to look like balls. And I want to crack them. I planned only one and give him a dick head look, but I wanted to include more religions. They're side by side, friends in the same madness... and they can die together.

The nut on the right is empty inside and wearing heavy jewelry, the damn pimp! "Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven." (at biblehub, King James Bible, the translations can be twisted because the others don't sound so awful.) He's saying that making children sit on your lap, making their asshole suffer and force them to cum on you is heaven... that's gross!

The nut on the left is wearing bombs; and they use their hands for toilet paper because they prefer to wear it on their head. I tried to verify if they really still wipe their ass with their left hand, but apparently they use toilet paper (well, those who have the internet). They're not allowed to masturbate but rape is fine? They really should jerk off... don't be scared to waste your sperm on your own hand, it's not worthy to procreate anyway!

But I found this: Islamic toilet etiquette: They thank god for giving them an asshole every time they shit! So it's unlikely that they'll learn to evolve to be respectful of women, they're too proud of being assholes and more concerned about which feet they enter the toilet first. "When defecating together, two men cannot converse, nor look at each other's genitals. A man should touch the other man's genitals with the right hand." WTF!? They can't talk or look but they can touch!!!? Yet they kill gays... Shit heads, no wonder they need toilet paper on their heads, there's so much shit in their heads, it's leaking!

I first wrote "or" dead, but no, they want to do everything to you and exploit you until you die. It's only about power. What the hell does it matter if someone prostrates at a different time or call god a different name? IT DOESN’T MATTER! It never been about god, it's all about having an army to worship YOU.

And you must be very insecure if you can't stand having someone else having a different opinion, somewhere on the planet. I live my life my own way, only I know what I need, I'd be worthy of my own salvation by SAVING MYSELF. I don't want to buy a condo in heaven, I want to make the world around me a good place NOW.

By murdering innocent women who won't suck your cock, at the stake or with rocks... you shame your god, you damn cavemen!

Live your own damn life! No one can know for sure, so you might as well figure it out on your own. They were probably wrong hundreds of years ago and they sure are out of touch with the reality of today now, so while books can give inspiration and guide us, they can't lead our life. We have to live it ourselves. And only you can know what you need and what's in your best interest, so why serve the hidden agenda of someone who clearly have no respect for your body, very life and even soul! If you screw up this way, at least it won't be someone else's fault forcing it on you. And it's best to be confused, lost and scared than be lead to your doom by deviants.


I found some massive horrors doing image search, I don't want to waste my energy adding links or quotes but I can resume:

The pope parading like a princess when Jesus encouraged people to give away their possessions... But at least he finally kicked out 400 pedophile priests, after protecting them from the laws though... It’s way too many, I want to formally quit this shit that was forced on me as a baby.

The Muslims immigrants raped women saying that they're asking for it for not hiding under a drape and they're sluts for not being virgins anyway. Apparently almost all the rapes in that nation are by them. I saw a picture of a Muslim standing on a Christian baby, choking the throat. They lock up the women who get raped and kill some for adultery, it takes 4 MEN witnesses to defend a woman, she can’t do it herself, but they usually participate in the rape. I’m entitled to defend my own body. Strangle them with that blanket you’re wearing.

Clearly saying that you rape because locals don’t wear it is just a justification, or that they’re less worthy and pure than your own women, because you end up doing it to your own people anyway. You just don’t have the brain to control your little dick. And if the locals are so easy to fuck with, such sluts, then why do you even need to rape them, you fucking losers, unable to seduce and turn on a woman. Because you have shit for brains and are just putrid. DIE.

Stay in your own country! How dare you act like that as guests, what the hell are those countries waiting for to kick the Muslim out or solve the problem for all the other countries ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

And you thought Hitler was a monster for doing something about the greedy selfish jews that caused ruin to their adopted nation. I like Hitler.

I love my country for giving me the right to kill in self defense. Amen to that! Even though Christianity condemn murder as the first and worse sin but it never stopped them to kill their own God’s son! Your god is just a justification to mindlessly do stupid shit that you feel like doing. Cut the crap and just worship yourself. I guess you can’t put your dick on a flag. It would be too small to see.

What the hell with the scepter of a tortured to death guy!!! Fucking psychos! Hitler never woke the reduced head of Jews around his neck or made jewelry out of their torturous demise… But Christians kill that abomination! How sick is that! Well, not as sick as priests raping little boys and covering it up, then condemning conceptual gay sex and loyal gay marriages… Hypocrites.

At least the devil knows what he's doing without delusions of kindness.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
21 August 2014

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Smother: smothering mother

"Hmm Hmm Hmm!!!? Once upon a time... Your death.” Smother. Kids refuse to go to sleep? Smother them with a pillow. They’ll never wake up! It’s also a silencer for their annoying incessant screams. Ah~ finally. Some quiet.

Pun ~ Smother ~ mother suffocating kid ~ Devil's gift ~ Demotivational

From the movie The Devil's Gift (1984) info at IMDb.

It’s pretty much self explanatory~ But now that I noticed that there’s the word mother in smother, it makes so much sense now! They always do, with too much paranoid love or worse if she never wanted a kid but only a fuck. The ancients who made the language had awareness and wisdom when they made those words so alike.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
15 September 2014

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Hail Hitler

Hail Hitler. They come with spikes from the sky to your skull. Nature's way of getting back at humans for screwing up the climate by polluting and killing the trees filtering it.

Pun: Hail Hitler! ~ Heil Hitler ~ snow ice ball with spikes

My friend told me that they didn't have snow last season but they had hail that melted soon after falling.

I'm a French Canadian so I don't know every English word. Hail was familiar to me but I never really heard it before... When I googled it, I found pictures of big balls of ice, like mini snow man pieces ready to be assembled, like Ikea's furniture.

Then I remembered why hail was a familiar sound... For Heil Hitler! I just couldn't resist making a pun out of it.

Dedicated to my friend Tij~ A never ending source of joy and inspiration~ Thank you for staying my friend, many people ran in terror away from me for way less than this.

Global warming has many factors. We burn so many things and the industries exhales a lot of CO2 like living giant monsters.

But nature can usually handle creatures that exhales CO2, plants inhales it and exhales O2 so the cycle is in harmony.

But humans suddenly made more CO2 than nature could handle... and as if it wasn't bad enough... they started killing trees. They destroyed the tropical forests, Earth's lungs...

Burning the candle of their environment from both sides... cornering themselves into doom, thinking they are clever and above nature... failing to see that they are a part of it... Profits won't be of much use if there is no air and no food. They think that it will be the next generation's problem... well, it's happening now but we think it's normal. Well... Marsh's atmosphere is normal, but we can't survive there.

We destroyed the environment to make useless stuff like plastic ducks and fake grass carpets... and anyone who ever walked on fake and real grass should know that we didn't improve anything... fake grass is horrible, good luck feeding livestock with that. Most of what we created just wasn't worth what we lost. Especially replacing nutritious living foods with artificial junk and drugs to try to hide the consequences... Not being aware that we are in agony doesn't make us thriving with energy and happiness... we're still miserable... we just don't know why... and then we're given more drugs... We turned ignorance into a science. That doesn't make us brilliant.

I understood the dual effect when I went to see the fireworks in the big city. I dressed lightly because it was a warm summer night and it was suffocating hot on my 3rd floor even with an air conditioner... But once I reached the abandoned field full of wild vegetation and sat on the ground... It was freezing! It was like being in a different world! But it was just a tiny space inside a big city, and it already made a difference.

Plants are cool~ Stop destroying them... unless you want to eat them... then plant more~

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
5 September 2015

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Write properly ~ You not U

Y letter: "Why don’t you like us?"
O letter: "Let’s have a threesome!"
U letter: "No, I’m too lazy."
(Write properly!)

Write properly ~ you not U ~ Shortcuts, grammar, Japanese emoji smiley

I gave the letters faces made of Japanese written emoticons, but it's about shortening words by their sound. Using "U" instead of "you" and "R" instead of "are"... "You" have 3 letters, you want threesomes, have one with the letters that you hate to type... and maybe women won't think that you're too stupid to satisfy them. Being literate is sexy. Someone who can communicate properly can understand and take care of everything better... because they're intelligent enough to search and find a way. If you're too lazy to type 2 mere letters, you'll be too lazy to google the secrets of life. Don't let your brain starve.


Japanese Emoticons, Kaomoji, Emoji, Dongers at japaneseemoticons.


The different kinds of Japanese emoticons at japaneseemoticons:

Kaomoji (face mark) = text, Japanese keyboards have more symbols
Emoji (picture letter) = image, typical smiley, started with phones
Dongers = meme, usually made with a squared face Kaomoji, a played started it in a game


The wonderful world of Kaomoji. How to use it, how to type it.


And using "haz" instead of "has" is just to aggravate people with childish talk... It's used for animal pictures, I don't see how mutilating the English language is seen as cuter. But I don't see how putting cats in painful situations make them cuter either!

Help babies learn to talk by not forgetting how when you talk to them! Let them copy you, don't copy lesser than you... they're the one who should improve, give them that chance by being a good example.

I struggle trying to write everything I want in a limited space... but massacring grammar is just wrong. It makes you lazy and encourages mediocre ignorance. Don't do it.

I'm a French Canadian with memory problems... Learning a whole new language has been extremely difficult for me. People who screwed up the language on purpose, thinking it was cooler as if they created their own, made it way harder on me. I never wanted to get bad habits because I wanted to get it right, and I'm still struggling. I cannot understand the l33t codes, it hurts my brain. I find it disrespectful. If you don't want to take the time to write properly, I won't take the time to read it either. I always copy and paste what I write in Word to get a corrector, if the field doesn't have one. It's courtesy not to rub shit all over people's eyes. If you want people to understand you, then express yourself, and in a way that you can understand!

If foreign people can write their second language better than you do with the only one that you know... you can't mock their typos or accents. You can't expect them to understand your crap. I want to learn English not shitty gibberish. You should try to better your skills, especially if you intend to look down on anyone about anything. Look at yourself first and do something about it. At least I try. Stop making it harder on me than it already is and don't take for granted that you already know everything properly. And even if you do, it doesn't give you the right to shit all over it.

Write and speak like you actually have a brain, practice and efforts will polish it even better if you don't justify mediocrity by how easier it is to be a piece of shit.

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
Image: 15 April 2016
Text: 23 April 2016

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