Bananapoop ~ The "How to be less stupid" tutorial ~ This is not a banana tree!




Humor ~ Demotivational ~ Sexuality 1


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Furries fantasies
Werecrotch (Photoshop accident)
Condoms
Pedophiles solution
The incredible abortions
True gamer girls
Tinker Bell: Glowing dildo of destiny Heart
Futurama: Boobs made of brains Heart
Disney porn
Sperm toilet
Overpopulation chainsaw crotch
Miracle of abortion
Canon vagina
Alien probe
Twilight is gay
Cockroach-bunnies
Terminator sexy rose Heart Heart Heart
Terminator sexy musk Heart
Terminator sexy blender Heart
Go screw yourself
Screw a lamp
Pro-Abstinence



Furries fantasies

"Furries : there are unfortunately much more disturbing fantasies to have."

Furry bodybuiler wolf

As much as I'm into animes (I'm an otaku), I always found furries disturbing, especially since they usually have extremely exaggerated muscles. As much as I adore wolves, am fascinated by hybrids and relate to werewolves with how my hypoglycemia feels like sometimes... furries are just not doing it for me. But at least no one gets hurt, especially kids, and no free will was twisted and abused... Not even animal's... So have a laugh at my horrible creation (or something else... to each their own.) Hahaha, my Word program doesn't recognize furries as a word.

Enjoy~ Just don't hurt animals, kids and bodybuilders... hopefully the last ones can defend themselves by killing you with their pinkies.

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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Werecrotch

Werecrotch: You're the man! (Photoshop accident)

Body builder werecrotch - You're the man! - Wolf head crotch

When I do my photoshop montages, I drag layers from pictures to my main file and pile them up. This is what happened when I prepared the photos for my Furries joke; sometimes mistakes are even cooler than what you were planning... When I saw the result, I was astonished!

It's even funnier since he's making a face "You know you want some of this~ Come and give it a kiss~"

I hope the guy won't sue me for the copyright, now that you can see his face... There's no way this can be more flattering and bad ass.

Unless you think that it would be more appropriate as the vagina of a feminist... Meh, it works both ways~

Enjoy~


Lisa Of Shades
26 November 2013

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Condoms

Condoms: Less horrifying than a baby or castration

Condoms: Less horrifying than a baby or castration

Baby Head Masks at avaxnews.

To prevent teen pregnancy.

The dotted line "cut here" inspires castration even more.

I found an article at dailypost giving condoms away to prevent Maternal death (wikipedia) so babies truly can kill you! Now so cute now uh~ Fetus can kill you too, not just the delivery. Choking on sperm would be safer, but you can still get herpes. That's one of the reasons why I'm plain asexual. Problem solved. Machines vibrate as an extra bonus, humans can't beat that.

I tried to use the same fond at Trojan, I ended up making my own with a cool font with perfect circles for the O. I added nipples~ Condoms never looked better, uh~

Normally I put my site's name in the picture only if I modified it enough to own it, but I couldn't resist all that empty space... It was messing up the text otherwise.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
29 November 2013

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Pedophiles solution

Pedophiles
Let the children kill them with machine guns.
Instant therapy. Problem solved!

Astro boy - machine guns in the ass - pedophiles solution

From the movie Astro boy. The kid isn't such an easy prey (to satisfy your wants selfishly) now, uh, jerk!

Go jerk off in the traffic.

If god allows his priests to do this, then he's not my god! I'd feel safer with the devil. Or a tentacle monster.

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
11 June 2014

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The incredible abortions

"Abort! There are children on board! ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!"
Abortion
It’s good for kids. You’d make awful parents.
The world is overpopulated. Correct your mistake and stop having sex.
It’s the solution for World Peace: No more brats. No more humans!

The incredibles: abortion

The character really says that in The incredible movie.

Abstinence is the only 100% reliable way to avoid becoming pregnant.
The world doesn't need more food, especially not grown in a lab, it needs less mouth. No need to suicide, it's already done... just make sure not to make children and correct mistakes when they happen.

No child deserve to be born unwanted in this world, unloved, with parents unwilling to care for all their needs or unable to afford it (hell, hugs are free!!!)

If you really have to fuck, if you're not gay, do oral or anal. The next generation of degenerates will thank you.

Thank you.

Don't let rockets fly into you...

Enjoy something else~ Like my anime joke: Staying a virgin, keep your dignity!

Lisa Of Shades
11 June 2014

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True gamer girls

True gamer girls
Are too busy playing to take sexy pictures licking their controller in their bed.

True gamer girls are too busy playing to take sexy pictures licking their remote in their bed

The bed looks like no one slept in it for days... playing videogames~

I was looking for an empty bed picture, I first wanted a messy one, but they all looked dirty. Then I remembered that a painter I like painted his bed:

Van Gogh's Bedroom in Arles at wikipedia.

I found this picture in the article Move into Van Gogh’s room, or sleep in the world of Hieronymus Bosch at artsology.

I prefer his scenery paintings: The Starry Night so I replaced it because it was too weird to have 2 perspectives.

Letting your ideas evolve isn't a failure. The fact that my first idea wasn't the best allowed me to slowly discover new things that would make it so~ (well good enough!) I first called it "True geek & nerd girls"... Gamer girls is better.

When I laugh at demotivational posters, I see half naked girls with videogame underwear licking remotes... claiming to be a geek girl. I PLAY my games. I don't lick them or wear them!

Stupid posers. Trying to get herself a rich geek guy to pay for her non-geek stuff like make up and clothes.

Go read a nerdy book!

Here's come nice posters about Gamer girls:
Gamer girls do exist: learn to like dark hair and glasses (They have oval glasses like mine! They're so hard to find now~) and Gamer chick: The truth hurts (*shrieks* don't eat junk while you play!?) at seanmalstrom. The text is funny.

What gamer girls look like when they play at mytinyphone. (I play naked under my fakefur blankets but I don't take sexy poses. That's just dumb. I'm busy killing stuff. Go away.)

Funny definitions for Gamer girl at urbandictionary. "Real gamer: No you're not. You're just an attention whore holding a controller." Awesome!

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
12 June 2014

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Tinker Bell: Glowing dildo of destiny

Dildo of destiny
Congratulation! You’d make a good housewife, stripper or politician! But feel free to try something you have no talent for.

Tinker Bell ~ Glowing dildo of destiny ~ talent

And you thought getting her drunk was bad: Tinker Bell Hammered
Just in case you don't know, fairies discover their talent by touching things. The brighter the fated item glows, the more talented they are. That’s the brightest light ever.

She looks like she's scared to get splashed in the face. I added the hands from another picture to avoid having a floating dildo. But from the metallic base, it seems to be a vibrator, which is nicer. But using 2 words starting with a D sounds funnier. It reminds me of the bad yet amusing movie Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny at IMDb.

It's funny to think that housewives have things in common with strippers... (that one is obvious) and politicians... because all they do all day is fuck people up. With lies or other stuff. Why be a house servant when you can boss the whole country.

There are really funny definitions of housewife at urbandictionary:

"A woman who stays home to take care of the house, the kids, the husband and the pets. She works up a sweat, has anxiety attacks and burst into tears when a 2 year old says "no!" for the 100th time that day after having to picking up dog poop from the livingroom floor, washing 3 loads of laundry, washed all the dishes, went grocery shopping with 2 screaming kids, who get sick and throw up in the middle of the store. Then she comes home ,cleans up the kids, starts to make dinner with both kids hanging on her leg, only to have it burn. She recieves no thanks from anyone and gets no paycheck. I have no life...I am a housewife."

"A common misconception among men, regarding the care and concern a woman does not really feel about the house falling down around them!
Ex. "If it fits in a toaster, I can cook it" the smiling housewife said. "

"What a woman becomes AFTER she realises that there are things more important in life than HERSELF. She is able to realise that by emasculating her husband she is doing more harm than good and that by supporting her husband and children and taking care of the homefront she can contribute to the welfare of her family and society by ensuring that her children don't become 'latch key' kids. A housewife is a woman who is not content to allow someone else to raise her family."

Nice to raise your own kids, but if changing shitty diapers, wiping snot, doing the laundry, dishes and opening your legs even when you have a head ache is more important than you... Your needs, thoughts, expressing yourself, polishing a talent, learning knowledge and engaging your passions... I think you're no longer a person but became a house appliance. It’s like “Shrek forever after”. Have some "you" time before you snap and throw every thing away, including your happiness and sanity. You’ll spread more goodness if you feel it inside for yourself first.

Sometimes failing at something you have no talent for might be better than what life had in store for you. That's why I'm single. And abstinent. And have a wonderful vibrator.

The one in the picture is a very beautiful vibrator, for something so gaudy. I took it at vudesk: 22 Things That Shouldn't Be Made Out Of Gold

Oh you're fucking kidding me, it's truly made of gold 22-karat... Is that pure... No it's 91.6%... it can reach 24... (wikipedia: carat purity) Rich people don't know what to do with their money... and there are kids starving. But it's their parent's fault for using the money to drink, smoke, cell phone, make up and other shit that just fool your brain or each other. And their fault for fucking when they can't afford the result.

Oh well, rich people won't be able to feed their kids with that golden dildo... They could choke them with it though, so there'd be fewer mouths to feed if there's a zombie apocalypse or something... I guess the dildo could be melted into bullets, but that wouldn't kill werewolves... It's funny that a more expensive metal is worthless for the really important things. Like eating... I love werewolves.... and being delirious from hunger.

With the average IQ, as far as I'm concerned, the zombie apocalypse is already happening. That explains why women masturbate with real gold... I guess it's good when you have a latex allergy. Oh well, anything that prevents you from making babies is a great thing.

Yes kids, I'm talking about sex so you don't have to learn it drunk at a party. Hell I bet 12 years old kids had more sex than I did already.

It's horrifying that I didn't make the vibrator small enough for her size (fairy size vibrator... how cute!) It'd rip her apart even more than giving birth... We should call the brand "Dlad" a mix of Vlad and dildo. Dlad the dildo impaler... Well, maybe it's African size... for that black Light fairy. I wonder if there are black fairies. Then it could be an accurate size... Oh yeah there's the Light fairy girl who's African. I left it this size because it was as big as the hammer and more visible. I like the details. But since it's not flexible it could be pointy and sharp... It doesn't seem like the best idea.

That idea is stupid too. Admire men obsessed with their genitals and trying to overcompensate for their lack of balls at teoti:
The People's Daily Building In China Looks Like A Gigantic, Gold-Plated, Um... dick. Very obvious dick. If you see anything else, even a building, you need glasses.

I wonder why people are scared to say the word penis. They obviously don't have a problem displaying it and fucking people in every possible ways... even backstabbing. I don't want to see picture of naked people everywhere but it's there... every ads is a naked slut. Take off the slutty ads (to give men the illusion that they're excited about the product and desire it... and it works. Dumb asses.) Then openly talk about dicks until people get bored and move on... What is taboo triggers obsessions... But maybe that'd just unleash hell itself... All countries coming together to reshape the Earth into a giant dick. *sigh*

I'm laughing at you and with you.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
13 June 2014

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Futurama: Boobs made of brains

Leela: “I’ll remember you in here” *points chest*
Fry: “I wish I could remember with my boobs.
Boobs: They're made of brains!

Futurama ~ Leela ~ boobs made of brains ~ sweet zombie Jesus

Futurama: I wish I could remember with my boobs 7 second video at YouTube.

Brain Ball
species infos at aliens.wikia.

Sweet zombie Jesus by the fighting mongoosess. See the artist's Futurama Fan Art & Scans at slurmed.

Funny Leela ecard at someecards: "You're the apple of my huge, hideous eye."

How to draw Leela at drawcentral. I took the image there, but it's easier to understand in colors after all, so I added them.

Heart Walking on Sunshine with Alice Fry at YouTube. A fanart slideshow of Leela and Fry's child growing up and even her kids! It brought me closure to their story. It's so adorable.

Funny drawing of Leela holding her boobs at knowyourmeme: mega milk titty monster.

Now girls getting implants would finally make sense. I don't need them. My brains and boobs are already big enough~

Enjoy!
Lisa Of Shades
18 June 2014

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Disney porn

Disney Is into Japanese tentacle porn!? Nice~

Disney into Japanese tentacle porn

Google it~

Captain hook really looks like he's about to get a tentacle in his "never land". *chuckles*

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
20 June 2014

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Sperm toilet

Sperm toilet. You know you don’t care about women; you only want to empty your balls. And then, after you flush them, you wonder why there’s no one there for you when you feel empty inside. One night stands are for losers. Put your sperm in the trash where it belongs.

Sperm toilet with boobs

The nipples are made from the dots under the toilet cover. I’ll never see them the same~ The boobs are a bronze sculpture, I didn’t want to search for real ones.

I admit that I respect whatever happens between two properly informed and willing adults. Girls are no better, and being abused can be done by anyone with any orientation… But I can’t even have a conversation a few minutes with someone without being harassed and discarded when I can’t be used as a sperm toilet. It’s frustrating because it means that I can’t have a sincere sexual partner, lover or even friendship. It’s everyone is just there for their own crotch!

I am sick and tired of hypersexuality, I was even before I found out I'm asexual, sexuality is just a big pointless mess overpopulating the planet and making more unhappy humans.

People abusing each other, throwing themselves at each other out of sheer desperation, but running away from the responsibility of what they want from fear. For good reasons, with that attitude you better run before it gets ugly! But it always does… what if a child comes out of this shit!? Then they wonder why they feel unwanted and unloved…

I’m probably no better about other stuff, but one thing for sure, if I ever end up acting like a sperm dumpster slut whore, I’ll make sure to be paid accordingly. I don’t want kids, so I don’t make them!!! I don’t have sex. If I have to open my legs to get affection, then THAT’S NOT AFFECTION! That’s not companionship.

And for sex, nothing’s more performing and attentive than a machine under my full control. No diseases, no baby, no abandonment, no loss, no betrayal, and even if it breaks apart, you can still use it. I am lonely at times, but I am even more so being harassed, abused, exploited or ignored. I was miserable with a fiancé and I was miserable being assaulted. Sex with another human being has never brought me anything else than misery.

My love and loyalty is to machines. Bring on the terminators, Skynet!!! I’d rather be hammered by a power drill than be turned into a sperm toilet.

I prefer solitude to a companion that doesn't give a shit about me.

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
7 July 2014

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Overpopulation chainsaw crotch


"Gotta cut my morning wood. Durr~" Overpopulation. Thank you to make sacrifices to solve the over copulation problem. Sometimes stupid mistakes are a step in the right direction. Abstinence is great, abortion is good, but castration is awesome! The next generations will thank you.

Overpopulation, over copulation, chainsaw crotch

I took the picture from another poster: "Stupid is as stupid does. This guy does stupid perfectly." at motifake.com. Awesome site. I prefer my text.

I like to put hidden messages in bold... When I wrote overpopulation, I wanted the word OVER to stand out... Be over, population!

I first put a red C above the p, to turn the word population into copulation, but it was too confusing. But copulation is over too by cutting your junk with a chainsaw, it's the root of the overpopulation problem. Doing that would probably kill the life of the stupid person by bleeding out... two stones with one chainsaw! No more balls, no more babies, no more fucker. So stupidity can be nice! That one prevents rape!

Feel free to try this at home.

I don't know if it was Photoshoped (looks real), if it's a brand new chainsaw that never tasted fuel, or a broken one for sure... or if it's truly someone as stupid as trying to start a chainsaw by holding the blade on his jewels... Either way it gives "morning wood" a whole new meaning. I was tempted to do a pun and add a U for "mourning" wood... but the grammar Nazi inside me told me that it could confuse stupid people. That's why I explained the title.

(Whoa, I first wrote the word Nazi in lower case but Word told me to give it a capital letter... It's very evil of you, Word.)

There’s irony in “The next generation will thank you” because if I had my ways, there wouldn’t be any… but yeah, they’ll be grateful to have more food, land and less stupid people. But society will end up like the movie Idiocraty… it already is to my big IQ. We had a boom of population since we got better technology… because as soon as we find a solution for world’s huger, the people who survive end up doing 6 kids, and then 4 of them end up hungry, and then we mass produce again, keeping animal over crowded in tiny cages to rot among corpses… all that because we over fuck.

You don’t want kids? Don’t fuck.
You want kids? Put a chainsaw between your legs and start it.


Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
9 July 2014
Edited: 13 August 2014

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Miracle of abortion

Miracle of life. KILL IT! Sperm + ovum = abortion

Miracle of life. KILL IT! Spermatozoa + ovum = abortion

I took the picture from another poster: "Shit! shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit" from motivateusnot. My text is less lazy and more gruesome.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
9 July 2014

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Canon vagina

Mothers. Responsible for the overpopulation problem. There are not enough resources. Stop shooting babies out of your vagina! Use your brain instead.

Mothers ~ stop shooting babies out of your vagina ~ canon, celibacy, childless, freedom

Also applies to all men. The canon kinda looks like a dick. But they can’t help being stupid since they’re not the ones who’ll get pregnant. Women have more control and responsibility than they think.

Heart The image reminds me of this awesome YouTube video. I think the earth already looks this messed up. Thank you god for death: If man obeyed god

Heart And I totally agree with Why breed at vhemt. Also from the button page: "I’m outta work, homeless, and got a bad disease... makes me feel like creating an heir to share all this with."

Heart Here's an article: There are not enough resources to support the world's population at abc by John Guillebaud. "I felt some guilt that doctors had inadvertently caused the population problem through vastly better death control while birth rates remained high." They actually kill more people with their poisonous pills than any disease, and if I recall well, it's even worse than every disease combined. "

"On a finite planet sustainability is not an option, it’s just a matter of how it is achieved. Will the imbalance be corrected by literally billions of deaths or by fewer births?"

 

I vote for both.

"Those who are not so impartial routinely prefer to ‘shoot the messenger’ or behave like an ostrich." I'm amazed by this writer's insight.

But fuck replacement, cut the population in half with just one kid, or even better, none! So the morons who can’t use contraception will compensate, be left with only a moronic population, and die from stupidity. Hmm… Maybe it’s already happening. Humanity will die not from bombing each other, but fucking each other into overpopulation and starvation. HA! Fuckers.

If only the ones who wanted kids had them, not just ending "accidents" (anyone who fuck should know what will happen) but also from pressuring people into HAVING kids... It should be the other way around! Irresponsible men, I can understand, but cunts should close their legs, or at least shut their mouth, instead to pressure people to follow their stupid mother steps, when they know better and do better! There's no shame in being sterile, your genetics is just cleverer than others. Trying to force your body when he closed the shop from bad health, giving birth to a sick baby and exhausting your body… that’s disrespectful for everyone. That’s no miracle. There’s stupidity everywhere. Too much humans. It’s a curse!

I used a pelvic exercise model for the legs because I was too grossed out by child birth pictures. Go look at it before loosing your virginity!

15 things you shouldn’t say or do to your single friends at modernreject.

No, I don't have children. But it's MY business. at dailymail.co.uk

Someone helped me learn something new about human's stupidity... it never cease to amaze me. And anger me...

Not everyone can or want to have children, but there seem to be this spread madness about pressuring women into having sex, serving a man, having babies… There is this absurd and wide spread believe that women are nothing else than a vagina, that they can find value, worth and purpose only in using it. Vagina for men, tits for babies.

It angers me to no end. I came to a jaded acceptance that men are too hormonal to think about anything else, making spermatozoon every seconds while I make an ovum a month… but having this pressure done to me by women outraged me to no end. “What you don’t have a boyfriend!? We’ll go to a bar and pick you someone. Do you have kids? NO!? Why? What do you do all day!?”

It’s cruel when someone CAN’T, or won’t for the sake of the child’s well being
(being too poor to feed them or having a genetic disease)… and what I do all day? I don’t change diapers full of shit, that’s for sure! I tried to have some female friends, but they were mothers, completely obsessed with their kids, with no passion or hobbies other than that…

Of course it’s better than my insecure mother who only cared about being pampered by a guy when she refused to do it for her own child… but both extremes are fucked up. The world is over populated… there’s not enough job, food and homes for everyone. That’s why people are overworked in mindless pointless jobs, food are becoming more and more synthetic with less nutrition, homes are getting smaller and more expensive.

I’m on welfare, and so is she… If society rejected me and bullied me until I got sick, probably because I was invalid from birth, I’m not going to bring a child into a world where a copy of me will also be bullied, sexually assaulted and denied work and even medical care. I won’t let them do that to my child too! Because it’s not being sick that really makes me suffer, it’s being bullied and abused for being fragile and an easy prey.

Well, not so easy once I show my bad temper. But that’s another reason, I know that hypoglycemia and lack of sleep can make me aggressive and violent, I’m not going to inflict that on a baby knowing that he’ll torture me for years crying in my sleep.

I’m not going to open my legs to the first drunk jerk in a bar just because my biological clock is supposed to be ticking, to prove to myself that I’m a woman. As far as I'm concerned, I’m not!

We can clone people by using an ovum; we don’t need sperm anymore, WE DON’T NEED MEN ANYMORE! Machines can do the heavy lifting, grocery store the hunting. MEN are the ones who can’t do anything on their own.

Women looked down on me with pity about not having a boyfriend or kids. And some celibate people without brats have been treated with anger… I can understand being harassed for sex by men, or lesbians, but by mothers to join their mindless ranks!? I’m being harassed from all sides. Go buy a dildo and fuck yourself! Mind your own fucking business! Just assume that I can’t or hate babies so much that I’d strange one with their umbilical cord and that it’s best if I don’t have any!!!

Women are so convinced that they have no worth or right to live without a man that THIS is why they stay with a piece of shit who beat the life out of them. Even when they’re the one making the money and would be better off alone in every way.

I had a fiancé who never gave me affection, but degraded me to serve him on my knees even when I didn’t want to, manipulating me with guilt trips that it’s my duty and the least I can do to suck his smelly dick. For what? Nothing in return. The illusion to be loved and cared about, the hope to eventually receive genuine affection… indulging the insecurity that make them fear to be on their own… If I have to accept to be treated like a piece of meat, a sperm toilet, to have respect and affection, then it'd be fake anyway and I don't want it!

Men have been nothing to me than soul sucking burdens, at best. Some women might have spent their life trying to be wanted, but I spent mine trying not to get raped! I never had affection, I never had respect. I won't prolong the cycle of distress and violence I've been taught.

Why would I want to make a child, a copy, of someone I don’t even know, and be stuck for life with the miniature version of someone I don’t even like. Why should I settle and force myself when I barely have the energy to take care of myself. Because I have to? Why? What will happen if I don’t? Billions of morons will still make too many kids out of pressure or insecurity anyway. And even if the humans race just plain die, like they annihilated so many species, the earth would be better of. Every single creature on earth would be better off if humans died, even humans. There would be more for whoever’s left.

When the woman told me "What!? You don't have a kid? What do you do with your days." It would be as if I told her "What!? You don't do research? You don't seek knowledge to better yourself? You don't evolve? You don't use your brain, only your vagina? What do you do all day, get fucked and change diapers? How can you possibly think that this is fulfilling you as an individual and make life worth living!!!?"

And about her telling me that we’ll go to a bar where rich guys go and find me a man… I care about intelligence, not cash, I live a simple life and I actually like it this way. Drunk assholes in clubs don’t tend to be the nerd type, more like the dick head type. And I don’t need her to drag me kicking and screaming there, or to hold my hand while I get fucked behind a trash container in a dark alley, if I wished it so.

But I DON’T WANT TO! Or it would have happened by now!!! Finding any jerk to fuck you is easy… unless the garbage container looks cuter and slimmer than you… and even so, men want to fuck anything as long as they empty their balls and suck on some tits; so you really don’t have to try… Desperate people are probably scarier than people who don’t give a fuck. Men like a challenge maybe, to prove themselves to themselves because they’re just pussies, exactly the same as woman. I knew that men pressured each other to score, but I actually got surprised to see that women pressure each other to get screwed over, knocked up, and have to dive their hands in shit! WTF!

It’s like harassing young girls to go get raped in dark alley and saying thank you once it’s done. I don’t give a shit about being polite when my entrails are at stake anymore! You can’t build a relationship out of desperation with the first person you can grab. See how badly it works out. People don’t change the way you want to, they evolve into something even less recognizable than you ever wanted though.

I read that the trick to be loved is to copy others, basically it’s so they’ll love themselves through you. Yes I want a kindred spirit, but genuine, by themselves, not mimicking everyone they see to get anybody, everybody, by fear of rejection, when they do it themselves constantly about every topics of life. It doesn’t make me bad just because people don’t have my taste near my home, and if it does, fuck yeah, screw this shit!

I spent the best years of my life being torture trying to please sadistic people who wanted to be miserable. Now I’m taking care of myself and enjoying my misery. Not dwelling but laughing my head off sarcastically. Because people who do live the dream are way more miserable.

I have my time, my freedom, and since I lived the worst fear that everybody seem to have ~ celibacy ~ for 16 years… nothing scare me anymore. I came to accept that this is me, this is the path that I chose, the best of 2 evils that life offered me and I made the best of it.

I refused to become a beaten wife and kicked the guy out at the second he touched me in anger, even without pain or marks or broken bones. I drew the line at the intent to hate and hurt to control.

I owe nothing to anyone, I do everything by myself, and THIS make me feel value, empowers me, way more than changing diapers full of shit and being a fucking baby canon.

Enjoy… SOMETHING ELSE!!! People think that sex is the only thing in life with value; hell no wonder the world is so overpopulated. It’s not because people are ready to give the most money for it that it’s more valuable. You won’t die if you never have sex again, but if you never eat or breathe air again… you won’t be able to have sex, change diapers full of diarrhea, or even live.

Men are too stupid to think of the consequences because they basically don’t have any. But women should know better, especially after a human canon ball ripped out their vagina inside out.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
16 July 2014

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Alien probe

"Are you gonna probe my ass now? Durr~" "Let's leave... and never come back."
Intelligent life forms in the Universe. They're not on earth.

Intelligent life forms in the Universe ~ Alien probe

Yes~ I can draw... apparently. Not as great as I'd like, but as well as I need to express myself and get my point across; so I guess it's good enough. I do enjoy my disproportional attempts~ "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good."

Aliens. Ever wondered why an advanced civilization isn’t coming to visit to share knowledge with us? It’s because we’re not worth it. It would be like visiting a cockroach’s nest.

The joke I've heard before was something like:

"Is there intelligent life forms in the Universe?
Well, they have to be somewhere."

They're intelligent enough to stay the hell away from us.

I made the aliens grey-green with green suits, the typical colors. I didn't plan on doing a background, they're perfectly camouflaged.

I chose the colors for the human's clothes based on the USA flag... I like how he stands out in all that green.

I'm not so good at perspectives, but the middle of a landscape is supposed to be paler in the middle, it draws you in... towards his ass.

(Oh god I can't find if I should write "toward" with an s or not... this is a grammar Nazi nightmare! I'll leave it as I first wrote it... apparently Americans and Canadians use without the most, British and Australians use an s more often than not... I’m Canadian but like the s. Now the three words make a hissing sound.)

Maybe they're us from the future, evolved in a era so full of technology that our body would loose their muscles and become frail, our eyes would get bigger to see huge screens...

Our skin is actually grey, blood gives us our reddish tint, that's why we get bluish when we drown and there's no oxygen to turn the blood redder. And that's what tends to accumulate around the bath: dead flesh. If they really are us from the future, then I wouldn't be surprised if they truly probed the ass of their ancestors...

I also heard that those alien faces is how people look like when we're babies, and helpless, having our asses probed with sanitary tissues after we shat ourselves... and those images can stick with us and haunt us.


Apparently that's how cats greet each other: Cat Talk: Cat Butt Presentation at cats.about.

So maybe the aliens who started the urban legend about probing asses were space cats... or it was wishful thinking in denial and we're as dumb as a cat rubbing his ass in people's face.

Maybe aliens are too. Maybe it's their way to shake hands... by shoving it up yours and shaking your internal organs.

After all, all animals do the same dumb things, and humans are no exception. So if all the different races are the same, even in isolated places and remote continents, then it's probably the same on other planets too... a bunch of perverts. Even when they are capable of greatness, they use their intellect on the dumbest things.

It’s said that dolphins are the most intelligent specie on Earth, well, they rape anything that moves or not. Posers, they’re not even a fish. They're mammals like us... so it shouldn't have surprised me. Next time I see one laugh, oh so friendly but probably thinking about rape, I should punch him in the face.

So far the most intelligent and caring creature that I ever met was a tree.

At least they mind their own business. Trees make shelters, foods, shades… They don't hurt anyone. If you cut one and it falls on you, you can only blame yourself.

Hell I love trees and green stuff!

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
5 August 2014
Added cats etc: 6 August 2014

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Twilight is gay

There’s a downside to everything

Even anal sex with a werewolf. But there’s nothing wrong with being gay. If it’s consentual, between happily willing people. But there’s definitively something wrong with Twilight: I DO NOT sparkle in the sun. I freaking BURN! Vegetarians don’t drink animal blood, but they should. You can’t read her mind because there’s nothing to read! Being stupid doesn’t make you special. I really can’t blame you for being gay.

Twilight is gay

I found the first demotivational poster long ago, and I just found the 2nd one at fanpop, which was taken from verydemotivational.com.

Since they fit so well together and gave a better explanation for being sore... I had to make it... I'm not proud of it though.

Diarrhea? The dick you sucked wasn’t fresh.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
6 August 2014

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Cockroach-bunnies

Humans. They overpopulate like cockroach-bunnies. And they’re just as hard to kill. *sigh~*

Humans overpopulate like cockroach-bunnies

Illustration by Michele Witchipoo from The golden age of the cockroach at vice.

Humans are usually compared to bunnies, with porn. But I see them as cockroaches. Well, this amazing illustrator spared me the pain of having to draw it myself. She probably made it about something else though.

Most demotivational posters are about sex. *sigh* I bet people wouldn’t like mine. Meh, I do.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
9 August 2014

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Terminator sexy rose


Terminator. The only man worth having sex with. Sterile, disease free and pleasure guaranteed or you won’t be alive to complain!

Terminator sexy rose ~ the only man worth having sex with

I took the picture from Terminator 5 genesis - See badass Sarah Connor in shootout with cops at moviepilot.

She doesn't look bad ass but like a sexy object. I don't know for you, but if the apocalypse happens, by machine or others, I won't waste my time putting on make up in the morning and ironing my hairs. Hell, I already don't! And the true Sarah Connor wouldn't either! Except maybe some grease here and there from guns. Tch! Next thing you know they'll use Barbie instead of Sigourney Weaver to do Aliens. She's even more bad ass than Rambo! Leave my role models alone. I don't want to be a mindless painted Barbie!

I took the metal rose sculpture from flickr. I changed the hue to a bluish metal and added a red light, like his eyes. It came out great!

It's absolutely beautifully breath taking. Gina's husbands make them. Hm... maybe there's exceptional men out there who might not deserve to be killed and might even be worth a go. I never met any. If someone tried to woe me with a rose capable of slicing open someone's jugular with its leaf... I'd probably be willing to at least talk to him. But someone gave me an orange rose (I love orange and flowers) trying to lure me into a one night stand before he moved at the other side of the country, and leave me seriously screwed if I get pregnant... So I don't believe in roses anymore... Damn him, it's like trying to pay a whore less than 10$. Screw you!

I'm an asexual misanthrope. If I ever have a libido, I only trust machines. I don't know if it's because I have big boobs, an hourglass body or because men will do anything (even animals) when they're mindlessly horny... but I used a line about terminators to tell a guy to fuck off:

"I only like machines, so unless you're a Terminator, I'm not interested."

I was digging a hole for roses very energetically with a huge shovel, and it was very disturbing to see him look at my ass and waving boobs. I also told him "Don't come to close or you could get hit in the head by a shovel... and it might not be by accident."

I'd like the liquid Terminator. He can adjust himself to my preferences.

He'd probably be a jerk too, but murderous psychopaths have a sort of charm about them... I don't know why, maybe it's the killing. Like the maid sexual fantasy... We're attracted to people who clean I guess, and Terminators clean the biggest turds on Earth. But it's the sterile and disease free that is really appealing to me. And the extermination of humanity. Ah~ yes~~~ Take the rapist dolphins while you're at it.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
9 August 2014

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Terminator sexy musk


Terminator. He smells like bloody murder on a fresh day of spring~

Terminator sexy musk ~ he smells like bloody murder

I took the picture from Musk fragrance for men at zootsuitstore.

It's funny how I twisted it around:

The male scent = The robot scent
Natural spray = Blood spray
Musk = Metal musk
After shave / cologne = After kill cologne / cologne
Romane = Skynet

I turned it red like diluted blood.

He smells like a fresh day of spring, it's sunny, not cloudy, the sky is net.

Oh wait, net means clean only in French. Dictionary: "net profit" and "1300–50; Middle English; variant of neat". Let's just say that it works.

Or imagine a giant fabric net from the sky scooping humans with your god saying "Time to repair my mistake!" HA! Skynet, it’s good for the environment. But actually they turned everything to dust... so I have mixed feelings.

It’s a catch 22... I want humanity to die because they destroy everything else, but Terminators would also destroy everything else in the process! Maybe then they can break, rust, and everything can grow back again... but what if humans evolve again...

THE HORROR!

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
9 August 2014

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Terminator sexy blender


Terminator. Female version available! Head optional. The best sexual partner for men!
Sterile, disease free and makes excellent genital smoothies.

Terminator sexy blender ~ makes excellent genital smoothies

For the picture's source, the damn web site required 2 freaking gigs of ram and froze my computer big time, so screw the link!

I added the blood. I wanted it all over the blades too, but they didn't look as sharp and scary anymore.

I like how I both insult men and women equally. But I'm actually making a parody of what men wish for in a woman when I say that the head is optional.

They only want the female crotch, no emotions, no responsibilities... and have a mommy that feeds them... So there it is!

Put your dick in there and enjoy the sweet sensation... one~ last~ time~

Smoothies are good for you. Castration too. Win-win!

I find it so absurd how women disfigure themselves with make up. I did it on the terminator's face and it really shows how lame it looks through my eyes. Some artists can paint greatness with human flesh as canvas... But most people just screw up.

And wtf about plucking the eyebrows until you have 2 dots and a line that doesn't follow the skull bones anymore... It looks plain wrong. Just two slim lines like a porcelain doll. I have an utter fear of their blank eyes... soulless monsters... I sure as hell don't want one to look back at me in the mirror every morning. I'd rather see a Terminator face.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
9 August 2014

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Go screw yourself

Go screw yourself. You're doing it right. Now choke and die!!!

Tinker bell ~ Go screw yourself

I wanted to do that one since I made the other ones about Tinker Bell.

It's a parody of the "you're doing it wrong" jokes.

It shows how angering it makes me feel to be sexually harassed.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
10 August 2014

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Screw a lamp

How many guys does it take to screw a lamp? Just one stupid enough to electrocute his dick. Beware what you want to screw~

Screw a lamp ~ lighting

I took pictures from many sites and mixed them up:

The dark sky from picthewall. The lighting from cosmicconvergence, they have many magnificent photos. The lamp with an empty socket from ikea.

I put the lighting upside down to make it come out of the lamp, but I lowered it to see more sparks. I wanted a picture of the electrified socket tunnel, to be enticing, but now that I look at it, the metal frame looks like a vagina opening...

There's a great picture of lighting at greensocietycampaign but I didn't take that one; I wanted the sparks to seem to come out of the lamp to make it look even more painful.

My light bulb flickered and I remembered jokes one was something like:

“How many fools does it take to screw a light bulb?
Five. One to hold the light bulb and four to turn the stepladder.”

I then mixed it with the fact that guys will screw anything and voilà! (French for “there it is!”) A new joke is born!

It’s so ominous about diseases~ and maybe even heartbreak. “love at first sight” is “coup de foudre” in French. Which means “Strike of lightning”. Maybe that was meant to warn about the crotch rot and the shock of becoming a parent and having to pay for the kid even if you run away.

Enjoy~~~
Lisa Of Shades
10 August 2014

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Pro-Abstinence

Pro-Abstinence.
Love isn’t always there when people fuck! Sex’s purpose is to make babies. If you don’t want babies, CHOOSE NOT TO HAVE SEX!!! At least correct your irresponsible acts. Abort unwanted children. Life is too precious to inflict a life time of being unwanted, neglected, unsupported, mistreated and abused. That’s how their parents will prepare them for their bleak future, paving an inescapable pattern. So the children are going to kill themselves anyway. Or worse: regret everyday that they were ever born. I know I do.

The world is overpopulated, there’s already not enough food, jobs and homes for everyone. Think about the quality of life of those who are in this world. Imagine if all the aborted babies, who escaped a life of violence, were added to the criminal community. If your god wants them he can take care of their souls in heaven, because their parents won’t nurture them on Earth. Being born unloved is a hell worse than death.

Pro-abstinence, pro-life, pro-choice, abortion, suicide

Image from lafamilyforum.

The last sentence brought some tears to my eyes... Yeah being born unwanted feels like being on death row… but without being put out of your misery.

I am an unwanted child. I suspect that my mother got pregnant to manipulate my father with guild; he was leaving her for another woman. It didn’t work. I always wondered why my mother considered me a failure and a retard even though I was in special classes for the gifted… to her I was a failure before I was ever born. A bargaining chip so some guy would take care of her… she mindlessly threw herself at older men looking for a daddy, she sure didn’t care to be a mother. I stopped talking to her to accept that she doesn’t want to be a part of my life. Sending me a card and some cash to feel like the most wonderful mother, and having to declare her my gratitude and love, even though she spent all year ignoring or insulting me… I didn’t need that… no one does.

It paved the path for my whole life. She destroyed my self confidence and denied me even work opportunities, hiding me at home, and I never could develop the social skill to have meaningful relationships or get a job… I’m like a savage animal. She didn’t even want me to bother her when I was in pain, and I was sick constantly. I even got beaten on Christmas by my sister while my mother watched because I was coughing.

Because no one was there to protect me and I was starving for love, it made me the easiest prey for sexual predators. And I wouldn’t be able to have a good lover even if I wanted to… because they match with people like them, loved and confident, not a pile of scars and tears.

Even though I did nothing wrong, even though I was the victim… I was damaged and considered defective.. even more than the criminals because they felt happy and well adjusted, getting whatever they wanted without regards for others… while I literally worked hard enough to destroy my internal organs trying to earn love.

I wasn’t even born that my parent’s feelings for me would change my whole path, who I am as a person, what I attract and what I can offer, share and receive…

My father only cared about doing travels with his new wife, so I couldn’t stay at home and focus on studies… I went through college with 2 jobs… there’s a limit of what someone can do unsupported.

I had to leave home at 16, I was in danger. I had to take care of everything on my own. While fending off sexual predators. There’s a limit to one’s energy. I couldn’t have the same path, self confidence and opportunities as someone who was wanted and loved unconditionally before they were even born. I was condemned for something that other people did, and no matter how much I destroyed myself trying, I never could earn anything. Because that’s precisely the attitude that made me so easy to abuse… to have been told that I must deserve love, that I don’t, that if people hurt me it’s because I deserve it, not because they’re bad people… that I don’t deserve to be protected, that I don’t even deserve to do it myself…

At the end I accepted that I’m not a person. I turned feral. Because I was from the way I was treated. Bullied at home, then bullied at school, then bullied in love, bullied at work… I just walked away from the world. If this is what I deserve, I’d rather be dead. I don’t have to deserve it to defend myself. I punched my mother. I accepted that I might have to kill someone to protect my body. I put my own needs in priority. Now I’m happy… but I still have nothing. I have my life, that I never wanted… that I never could kill… but as long as my body will hold on, I will respect it’s will. I don’t care about god. Being kind only made it easier for others to be cruel to me, unpunished. I have to put my limits and defend them. Because no one will, especially the people pretending to have good intentions. I’m so jaded with goodness. I’d rather be a kind demon than a cruel angel. I’ll be kind to myself, because if I have to earn love, then other people have to earn mine too!!!

The least I can do is avoid doing it to my own children. My greatest act of love for them… is to never bring them into a world like this.


If you wonder if your aborted child will resent you for a few minutes of mercy, if god will condemn you... Know that I am an unwanted child… And you have my blessing. I would have preferred to be killed. I curse my mother everyday, for all the countless act of undeserved hatred that she did to me, for all the fake love that she claimed to have before she hurt me…

One “bad” act is less worse than inflicting a life long hell and preparing the child in a way that the whole world will join the abuse. Hell and heaven is what you make of life… don’t add one more life sentence to someone who won’t be able to escape… children can’t thrive alone… they need support, love, encouragement, nurturance, food… don’t just dump a baby in this world like shit in the toilet… just because you don’t want to feel guilty for one thing… or you’ll be guilty for countless pains.

See how messed up I am? Do you want a child like me? And I turned out very well, I don’t do drugs, don’t hurt people, don’t do crimes, and limit the drama by avoiding people. Oh you want to nurture a wounded wild animal to boost your self esteem? I’m not defenseless or needy anymore. I don’t need or want your love. ABORT!

For the love of life, enjoy something else than sex!

Lisa Of Shades
10 August 2014

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