Humor ~ Inner world ~ Get
a grip on codependency
"Give me a hug! I’m needy and
"No you’re not. Reconnect with
yourself and find your inner strength."
*Inhales calmly, getting a grip*
*Exhales and lets go*
"Wow! I feel so much better!"
"Thank you! I won’t suck the life out of others like an addict
"I’m glad to share your genuine
affection and respect."
Holy represents my kid side. Shad represents my rational brain.
How to get a grip on codependency: Realize that you're not helpless, you
try to suck the life out of people, find your inner strength.
Don't have the arrogance to think that you can save anyone when we can barely
figure things out to save ourselves. Everyone MUST live their own life and
overcome their own struggles.
Someone who isn't ready to do it for themselves won't do it for you, even
if they wanted to they wouldn't know how. Trying to share with someone like
that can only lead to abuse.
Life must be varied, not obsessing on the one thing or person you love the
most. Otherwise you end up becoming an empty shell with nothing to enrich
their lives, and no one wants to love that. So continue to nurture your
passions, hobbies, learning new things, and self care.
Because if you neglect your needs to please other people's wants, you'll
end up exhausted, sick and useless... then you won't be good to anyone.
So be good to yourself first, take the rest that you need and enjoy yourself
so you'll have joy to bring to the relationship.
It's important to find self love, self respect and self care by ourselves
first... because we can only share what we already have.
Refusing to encourage bad behavior and encouraging someone to find their
own independent inner strength. That's more caring and loving than enslaving
someone to our flattered ego, looking down on them, thinking that we can
do better, when only they can fully know what they need in their own unique
lives... only they can figure it out, only they can save themselves...
Trying to help someone who won't even help themselves will just make them
worse, both enslaved to each other to find self esteem... preying on each
other with manipulations and abuse... Both dependent and unable to function
alone... neither being their own person... Worsening each other enabling
the worst in each other... dependency, insecurities, arrogance...
If a relationship isn't balanced, then it's not sharing, it's abusing and
being abused. While a codependent victim and an abusive egoistical narcissist
get together, they can seem like the perfect match... like a snake and a
mouse is... nothing good can come out of enabling the worst in ourselves
and allowing others to nail us deeper in our flaws instead of encourage
us to blossom freely as the best that we can be.
Discover your own hidden potential that is just waiting for you to nurture
the seeds of your inner garden.
It's related to what happened with my friend, if you want more information
Tij ~ Wolfie running away
It didn't happen that fast, I constantly had to fight the urge to find someone
to cling on, but I've resisted it... and resisted giving up on my necessary
grief to free myself from pain by returning into the relationship that abused
my trust and feelings... It felt like dying, detoxing from addiction hurts,
but now I feel reborn, freer and stronger.
I rested taking care of myself after giving so much energy away that I ended
up exhausted... After focussing so much on someone else that I forgot who
I am... I reconnected with my hobbies and passions... By stepping back and
observing the situation from a distance, everything became clearer... I
was ripped apart by the false hopes that I wanted to believe in and the
cruel reality that he never intended to even try, he wanted me to give it
to him... but not to reciprocate... it was just bait to make me run... bribes
to get even more from me at best...
He wanted me to give him love but he wouldn't even have the heart to call
me more than a friend... He tormented me... Being sad because you fail while
trying hard is natural. Being sad when someone hurt you is natural. But
refusing to even try then whining to get all the rewards without returning
the efforts is just plain manipulative and abusive... and utterly disgusting.
If that's the best that you have to offer, you need time alone to discover
yourself and your own passions and do something that you can be proud of,
instead to expect some slave to do the work for you and hand it all to you!
Enjoy yourself~ You deserve your own efforts more than anyone else. You
need no one's permission to love and respect yourself, not even your own.
Your life is yours to live, it's both your duty and privilege.
Live your own life. Without being weak and abusive by trying to make others
do it for you. Without having the demeaning arrogance to think that you
can do it better for others.
Life's hardships are their own rewards. They make you feel alive~ They inspire
us to better ourselves and find a better way to live. Don't deny this opportunity
to yourself or others. Take the challenge and overcome it. That's how we
get stronger and find dignity. By trying as long as it takes to figure it
out and succeed.
Someone who refuses to even try is a dead empty shell. That's probably why
some people refuse to open up to share who they are. Don't waste your heart
and trust on someone who refuse you theirs. We can't build a relationship
alone against a wall of ice. A wall has no door to open. An armor is for
enemies, don't expect someone who threat you like that to be your ally.
Gifts can be a way to manipulate, like a worm on a hook... they can't replace
trust, respect and love.
Some predators hunt by looking like preys to make you drop your guard. Always
keep your mind open for a reasonable doubt, without jumping to conclusions
without facts, and listen to your instincts.
Be your own friend and ally. Because no one else will without an ulterior
If you can't respect your own limit when your life is at stake, then you
can't expect others to respect you when they only benefit from taking even
When the efforts aren't worth the rewards anymore... when it requires more
energy to continue than you have left to survive healthy and sane... Save
Interesting article: 9 ways to get a grip on anxiety without medication
4. Clean up your food.
5. Name Your Feelings.
6. Just breathe.
7. Move your body.
8. Go into gratitude.
9. Use visualization.
Blood sugar swings from refined sugar and grains cause mood swings. Chemicals
that your body can't handle from allergies or plain toxins cause anxiety
too. Nutritional deficiencies and sleep deprivation as well. And toxic people
sucking the life out of you.
Your emotions must reflect your reality, so using drugs to force your brain
into a dependent submission is giving up on your chance to figure out how
to genuinely live a happy fulfilling life.
Talk to yourself, understand and control yourself. It's not as crazy as
ignoring who you are and trying to control the entire universe and everyone.
Shit happens, get used to it. But it doesn't mean that you have to walk
in it, just find a better path instead to expect someone to carry you.
There's always a upside and downside to everything. Choose by taking both
into consideration. Trying to get more goods will give you more things to
handle that can go wrong. Wanting to dump the downside on other people's
shoulders so they'd suffer instead of you so you can continue to benefit
from the good with their support... You end up being a very shitty person
to them, and no one will tolerate that for long.
Yes, it seems beneficial and convenient to take advantage of someone's generosity,
but if you claw out more than they have too offer faster than they can replenish
their energy, you'll end up with nothing. Don't let anyone do that to you.
People can think that they can just throw away the empty dry fruit and go
suck the life out of someone else... but that's life threatening and someone's
survival instinct could snap and attack you.
That's why I turned evil... I ended up hating my kind emotional side...
I didn't want to share it with anyone... I became a misanthrope, hater of
humanity... I tried to kill my heart... But as my dark side revolted to
protect me, I discovered unconditional love at last... in this evil that
I used to shun and fear so much... It was merely my will to live. I ended
up discovering that there's someone worthy of my love and devotion in the
world after all: ME! And the relationship I just had helped me understand
that I'm the one who was enabling abuse all along by not respecting my own
limit with strong boundaries... Putting other's whims and wants above my
vital needs and very life... I tried to avoid it, and for a while it was
But I eventually succumbed because sometimes people will slowly manipulate
you by using your own kindness against you, with self pity and guilt trips...
Until you are convinced that if you don't help them they will be in danger...
using your care for them as a weapon to exploit you... Refusing to respect
your own limits because they have none either... Because they can't appreciate
what they have or appreciate it so much that they can't bear living one
day without, becoming dependent... Too much of a good thing can be bad...
And sometimes when you enslave someone with kindness... the kindest thing
that you can do for them is walking away and giving back their freedom to
them... It will hurt, they will be lost, and so will you...
But until you find a way to have a healthy relationship with yourself, you
won't be able to have one with anyone. But abuse starts so slow and is so
insidious that it can overcome the best of us... Often the one doing it
believe in their good intentions as well... and can have genuinely good
ones... It can happen by and to anyone... And everyone can choose to find
a better way to live and interact with others... and with themselves first
and foremost. It's not selfish, it's self care to survive. But if you refuse
to even try to reciprocate what you take, then it's abusive. Failing while
doing your best is the only way to eventually succeed. It's moving forward.
If someone steps back and pushes you away, then stay away. If someone only
promises you dreams in the future, wake up to the fact that they give you
nothing. They have no intention of sharing so don't let them take. Lies
aren't love. Actions speak louder than words. And when the words don't match
with the actions... Your trust is being abused and betrayed.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to look into the dark to see the truth.
So you can find the light. I enjoy the dark, I can love someone's flaw,
but I won't let someone use them to manipulate and abuse me. I wanted to
help each other become the best we can be, but instead we enabled each other's
greed and insecurities... becoming worse... That's what codependency does.
Maybe someday I'll be able to have a healthy relationship. But for now I
need to be alone and become a better person with myself, no matter how much
I want someone to pamper and who'd pamper me back... This isn't what I need...
and some wishes shouldn't come true... because some dreams turns out to
Lisa Of Shades
Image: 12 February 2016
Text: 12 March 2016