Humor ~ Inner world ~ The
We have more than one brain. The left side is the rational one specialized
in logic and solving problems. The right side is the emotional one specialized
in perceptions and expressions. Hormones influence the development and use.
That's why men are usually more left-brain, more organized and systematic,
like math. Women are usually more right-brain, more creative and intuitive,
like arts. But both are capable of both. If you want to understand how the
other gender thinks, try to shift your perspective. Men's goal tend to be
what would be more efficient and useful, women's goal tend to be what would
be more comforting and safe. Both are important when making decisions.
There's also the cerebellum, smaller at the base of the neck. It's the
primal brain specialized in survival. It has repetitive functions that don't
require memory, you don't need to remember every step or breath that you
take. It's the reflexes, instinct and intuition.
People usually are lead by a mix of left and right side in different
proportions, switching constantly and working as one. Women who use their
logical brain more are considered less feminine, and men who use their emotional
brain more are considered less manly, but it's a spectrum and there's nothing
wrong about that.
Some people can prioritize the rational brain and primal brain while
the emotional one stays rather dormant. It can happen from shock to give
time to rest when the emotions are too overwhelmed. People who don't use
empathy in their decisions are believed to be psychopaths, but not all of
them are out to get you in the most brutal manner.
During reactive hypoglycemia, sleep deprivation, or harms from toxins,
the emotional and rational brain can shut down. Some people faint, but some
others can still function on auto pilot. But the decisions made without
perceiving the surroundings properly and being able to have a sharp judgment
can be mistakes. A person in such a life threatening state can fight violently
for their survival, even though the problem is their nourishment inside.
The brain can be unable to interpret the reality accurately, causing psychosis
and hallucinations as a dram state is mixed with a half awake state. People
will a strong will to live can survive being shot in the head, a chicken
even survived for a year with her head cut off because there was a piece
of cerebellum left to orchestrate the vital functions of the body... so
it's really amazing.
The purpose of the emotional brain isn't to be good, but to feel what
there is to feel. Even if it's unpleasant. So the rational brain can have
data to analyze and make the best decision. If we deny ourselves sadness
and pain with drugs, we won't be motivated to find a solution to overcome
the problem. No matter how intelligent is the rational side, it will be
incapable of making a proper decision if the emotional brain isn't there
to guide it... and without wisdom, kindness can cause more harm than good
even with the best intentions.
The truth has more than one side.
Every single sides are both capable of good and bad, it depends on the
Allowing harm by refusing to act isn't being kind, it's enabling wrongs.
Killing to eat is good; the life becomes part of you and continues inside
you. That's how life works. Torturing your prey and eating a sick poisoned
creature is wrong. Denying yourself the nourishment that you need because
you don't like how life works is wrong.
Children explore their inner self instinctively with imaginary friends.
Some adults still use visualizing character to open a door and communicate
with their subconscious. It's a very healthy mental exercise to do introspection,
but of course doing it too much and at the wrong time can be as bad as neglecting
to know your inner self.
Every single cell in your body is a sentient being with their own needs,
perceptions and messages. They communicate with electric impulses or fluids
called hormones... We consciously communicate in words by your body usually
bypass this and give you vague presentiments. If your body translates it
into language in the speech center of the brain, you're not being insane...
you're just thinking and you should listen to what your body has to say,
but you don't have to obey. Sometimes my primal brain tells me to kill my
enemies, but I have to balance it with my rational brain telling me that
going to jail will end up making things worse for me instead of safer, and
my emotional brain feeling empathy that I don't want this to happen to me
or my loved ones so I shouldn't play the game of life so brutally... Unless
someone does, then play to win. The emotional brain will feel sorrow that
things cannot be better, but the rational brain will acknowledge that dying
kind isn't for the best, and the primal brain will gladly return the violence
as much as the person makes it necessary.
All the sides are both servants and leaders; they all have their purpose
in different situations.
I discovered this naturally as a child. I thought of movies I saw, as
stories to help me fall asleep. Eventually I made my own stories with a
recurring character. My subconscious used it as a door to talk to me. So
my rational brain comforted and balanced my emotional brain. That's how
I could manage to have both perspectives at once. It helped me and even
saved my life. I thought he was my guardian angel because everything he
said helped me get out of trouble, he was so wise that he could predict
the future so he seemed godly to me, but he could subconsciously calculate
the probabilities, risks and gains, cause and effect... to such an amazing
degree... eventually I learn that ignoring the voice of reason can only
lead to disaster. I made sure to avoid taking anything that could alter
my mind, drug, legal or not, alcohol... and now take the best nourishing
foods... to be able to hear him properly... and not confuse him with my
primal impulses that can be too bestial for civilization.
I had the hardest time when discovering my "dark" side... I
thought that it was pure evil. It motivated me to be good at all cost because
I didn't understand what it was. I wanted to be like my angel, and help
people with kindness, but I misunderstood him too. My rational brain was
always brutally honest because it was in his best interest to keep me safe.
My primal brain was enraged not because it was bad, but because I was in
a bad situation, suffering bad things from bad people, he was just trying
to protect me so I wouldn't die. When I freed him, I expected him to do
a killing spree, but the bloodlust alone was enough to scare abusive people
away, because I stood up for myself and wouldn't be an easy victim for weak
people. Those who can't fulfill their own needs without clawing it out of
others don't have the guts to fight so they run quickly. I craved going
on a killing spree to get revenge on humanity's nature, but I simply ended
up walking away from harm because it was best for me to avoid trouble and
safe energy. It turned out that when combined with reason, even my worst
demon was capable of great wisdom and kindness. I still struggle with allowing
him to get out and putting my limits, because I don't want to hurt people
the way I've been hurt, and I was trained to be a compliant victim who doesn't
deserve to have their needs met as a child... Bad habits are hard to overcome,
but I do slowly but surely.
I always verify to avoid jumping impulsively to conclusions based on
fears instead of reality. I express my feelings with the person to see if
it's an honest mistake with good will; it's okay to make mistakes when we
do our best trying to figure out how to succeed. But if they hurt me knowingly
without trying or caring, then all hell can break lose, they earned it.
Every seven years (I celebrate every six years since I'm a child, but
it took me a while to understand what the new era meant.) your body cells
renew themselves completely. Including the brain, that's why you dream.
The brain tries to make a logical story out of random bits of information
being duplicated into fresher neurons. Getting more B complex vitamins will
give you more vivid dreams. Even nightmares are helpful, because you need
to learn from the bad memories so it won't happen again. Even the bad helped
to forge who you are. You are a different person, a clone of yourself, but
the way you use your brain also changes. You don't rely on the same memories
and way to be, but it's all stored in your brain. The person that you where
as a child is still there, like an abandoned track for a train. You can
switch the way you think and can even revert to who you where as a child,
before pain damaged your trust, before you lost the capacity to be amazed
by the wonders in the world, jaded after seeing them so many times that
you took them for granted...
The kid side is our innocence, our capacity to trust, let go and be happy.
When I was a child I was so curious about everything, everything was so
amazing. I wanted to savor life. But I saw the adults stress over things
that weren't there, rush to nowhere, being so sad and angry... while there
was so much beauty all around them but they couldn't take the time to see
and appreciate it. I swore that I would never lose my capacity to appreciate
the wonders of the world... I nurture my inner child even as I grew up.
People probably thought that I was immature but I didn't hesitate to switch
to my most serious and reasonable state of mind when it was required. Impressing
people hypocritically by letting them down later isn't what I considered
important. So I probably looked like a retard, but I have a higher IQ than
average, so maybe my way is wiser. I prefer to be good than look good...
Unfortunately that's not how the world works, because people can only know
what they can see... so they can be deceived... and it's easier to try to
deceive than make the efforts to actually be this way. That's why I take
a giggling break when it's not needed.
I probably look like crazy person with a split personality... I probably
am and I'm okay even if it makes me schizophrenic. Because it saved my life
when all I wanted was to die. It comforted me when no one wanted to listen.
It guided me wisely when even doctors couldn't figure out the cause
of my real suffering. It protected me when everyone wanted to abuse me.
While the good people where too busy being good to give a damn... so they
an think I'm bad, it means that I'm different than them... and it's a relief.
The more I connect to my inner self, the harder it is to connect with
others. Because the more I move in a direction the further away I am from
its opposite. That's why introverts have a hard time having social skills.
That's why extroverts have a hard time meditating about what the hell they
are doing. I'm not good at following what I'm told; I'm not in sync with
what is expected of citizens, not on a superficial level. I'm a weirdo,
I'm creepy, because to me good and bad isn't what feels good or unpleasant.
Good is the truth even if it's horrible, and bad is a lie even if it's the
most beautiful dream... I find it especially important because the most
beautiful lies are often used to mask the most atrocious truths... to abuse
of from denial...
The value that was the most important to me was truth and freedom. I acted
as if it was love and approbation from social pressure, because I needed
help to survive, but this was never my own goal... I want to discover life's
mysteries. Even if it rips my soul apart.
Everyone has many sides, that's why people can feel thorn and in contradiction.
What seems to be the best from an emotional point of view can be the worst
from a rational perspective... and even a threat to our survival. It's difficult
to find balance between our sides and therefore in life, making our wants
in harmony with what we actually need... But that's why all our cells and
brains talk to each other... That's why we have different kind of people...
so we can be and have everything as a whole. That's how a body works, and
that's how society is supposed to work...
(wikipedia) first used the term "subconscious" on 1893. Jung's
theory of analytical psychology
of the Collective Unconscious
This is the sides that I explored by myself since I was 6 years old. I was
amazed to discover that his work and conclusions where so similar.. for
This is what we use to interract with the world. Mine is based on my iner
child because that's the happiest part of me... the others are depressed,
scary or angry. Strangely, people are far more affraid of me if I am purely
rational instead of being emotionally angry, maybe because having the emotional
brain switched off is how people define psychopaths. My emotional brain
is an idealist wanting to solve all the problems of the world, so yeah she
fries and faint sometimes.
This is what happened to me for trying to be purely good. There is good
and bad in everything, so to achieve that I had to rip my soul apart and
seal everything that I considered bad... everything that was good for me
and could hurt others even if they where hurting me... But that "evil"
only grew and got a mind of its own, and when my life ended up in too much
danger, it would completely take over! It was painful like a derailed train,
I didn't have access to the way I usually perceive, feel, think, or even
my memories... they where in a different part of the brain... I'm still
working on being a team and being able to see the shades between pure black
and white. But I always try my best until it's clearly beyond saving and
a threat to me, so then I can do my worst if I have to.
I have metaphoric stories of the interactions between my different sides.
It helped me see the whole picture instead to be narrow minded obsessing
on details. It helped me grow as a person, not by being the maximum of just
one side, but by uniting everything that I am capable of being and using
it at the right moment.
I found respect and appreciation for myself, even for the worst of myself.
Because I tried to understand and welcome it constructively, instead to
judge harshly and deny its vital purpose when the time comes.
I love all of me~ Even if it's not always easy.
if I can do it for myself, maybe I can do it for others... But I was wrong
to think that I had to do it the other way around. I don't need to earn
my own love or get permission from anyone else. All I have to do is to value
my own life.
As the emotional one, I didn't want to live... I didn't want to witness
and feel so much pain... even when I was safe, there's just no end to it
in the world... But also beauty... even in the bad. To kill myself, I'd
also have to kill my other sides, and I have nothing but admiration for
my rational mind, for saving my life everyday in such a wise and helpful
I wanted to save the world... but I have countless sentient beings composing
my body in harmony. My cells and organs do their best to live, they want
to live. They don't care how much money I make or how pretty I look as long
as they get the nourishment and safety they need. They would prefer to have
the best foods than the best job. Even though being on top of the world
can help have access to it, it can end up being too exhausting and time
consuming to have the time to do proper self care... And in the end of the
day, if you are still alive, your life is a success.
So I will live, for the lives that are inside of me, for my inner world.
I am the brain, the queen, but without my subjects below me, I am nothing.
I am in fact merely the post office relaying the information, an humble
guide, the conductors of the orchestra in my body, and my life is the music~
I struggled to figure out which side was the real me and who I was supposed
to be. I fought against myself instead to fight adversity with all the strength
at my disposal. But now I won't forget or deny any sides of me. I will listen
to their voices, I will respect their essence and will use their purpose
for the best when needed. Because it is only as a whole that I am who I
am. What I needed was never pure goodness. It's to have everything in balance.
Lisa Of Shades
28 March 2016