Bananapoop ~ The "How to be less stupid" tutorial ~ This is not a banana tree!




Humor ~ Various ideas ~ Random jokes


Hanged man and kid balancing on a tree Ah~ Random and jokes. Two great things. It takes a whole lot of random stuff to come up with something great, but it's thanks to the countless crap that we can produce a gem. That's why I don't even try to restrain the flow of my thoughts and put the good stuff in bold or orange.

They're mine, so expect dark humor. Sometimes it's best to just laugh at our own misery in the face of death.

I tried to make them short... it didn't work out for long~

Enjoy~


I am as subtle as a chainsaw at a funeral.
Lisa Of Shades
31 October 2013

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We like to believe that we live in a civilized society, but we only invented new ways to be more fucked up.

Lisa Of Shades
3 November 2013

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When an Asian is disoriented, is he still orient?
Lisa Of Shades
12 November 2013

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Vegetarians give vegetables a bad name. Greens are delicious and enhance the taste of meat, but if tofu was so great, they wouldn't make it meat flavored.

Tofu is a lie.

Soy mess with your hormones and its GRAS status is only to be used as cardboard. It's not "Generally Recognized As Safe" to eat. (Some info at second-opinions. "In their review of soy protein isolates the SCOGS committee noted that such products were initially developed as binders in paper coatings." because: These risks relate to exposures to isoflavones and nitrosamines. Dictionary states that the first can help cancer... but the second one causes it!!!

About safety: "the only safe use for [soy protein isolates] were as cardboard packaging sealers".) I keep saying that grains are cardboard, well, it's scientifically proven that soy is.

Tofurkey is an abomination. Unless you want to discourage your family to come to your home for Christmas forever.

Stop being a hypocrite: fight for animal rights so they can have a decent life and a quick death. Care for their needs and YOURS too! Some idealistic utopia I saw in sect looking pamphlets showed a lion being friend with a rabbit... riiiight... maybe god made them carnivores for a reason.

And what about plants, they have feelings too! Sunflowers follow the sun, it takes a very complex computer to do that. They're not just water and fiber; they have complex thoughts and probably have a brain all over their body! You eat plants alive, how cruel is that!

I love plants and animals, that's why I eat them.

Lisa Of Shades
12 November 2013

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I see dead people... because I killed them.

(Old joke inspired by the movie The 6th sense.)

Lisa Of Shades
12 November 2013

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(Invented when I thought that people buy commercial Twinkies garbage everyday, instead of deliciously expensive fancy fruit cakes on special occasions. Those people get sick from it and end up obese, as the body need to find dumping grounds for the dangerous useless garbage.)

When you feed yourself, if you choose quantity over quality, that's exactly what you're going to look like.

Lisa Of Shades
15 November 2013

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Make up is useless and often make it worst. I'm either beautiful and don't need it, or ugly and even cement from a hardware store won't be able to fix my face.

Lisa Of Shades
15 November 2013

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The more I discover about health and how wrong, manipulative and murderous is the medical industry, the more I wonder how the pioneers cope with being called quacks and have their genuine research buried to keep making billions with poison... even if antidepressants make people depressed, psychotic and suicidal... vaccines cause brain damage from the mercury preservative and turn children autistic, they even killed babies... baby formula too... The dietary recommendations made heart attacks worst and caused many other diseases...

How do geniuses cope with human stupidity? Maybe that's why Albert Einstein created the atomic bomb.

When you create a weapon, you have to expect to see people copy it and throw it back at your country... Maybe he wished for that too... Or maybe he tested the theory just because it was there and he could. Killing billions of stupid people and help our over population problem was just a bonus. Maybe someday we’ll be allowed to kill each other in anger so we won’t have to starve from crowding the planet. I’m sure that it will be very therapeutic, depressed victims will buy themselves weapons of revenge instead of drugs, the tax for jail will cease and freedom will prevail, ah~ utopia~~~

If killing Jesus opened the doors to paradise… then allowing murder sure would send us there faster.

I'd die soon, but at least I'd die fighting.

Lisa Of Shades
19 November 2013

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A quote from the conclusion of Conspiracies ~ Medical stupidity:

People... people... open your eyes, ears, mind, heart, soul, adrenal glands and ass since that's where you put your head... to this absolute fact:

Medicine is a business. The only business allowed to sell you shit by putting a gun in your mouth. It's legal because you pull the trigger yourself.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
19 November 2013

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Recipe for stupidity... and the cure!

A hypoglycemia crisis can cause rage, and when boosted with caffeine hoping to get stimulated with energy, you can really go berserk... It's the most terrifying thing that I've ever seen. You can only compare that to werewolves... the mindless brutal rage that doesn't even recognize loved ones... only wanting to kill and eat everything that moves... It's exactly that. Booze can do it too. Other combinations as well.


Recipe for stupidity (among many, any booze recipe will do):
  • Limited and too low ability to think
    • Not enough oxygen (B complex, especially B12, to make red blood cells, and C to absorb iron)
    • Not enough magnesium to make neurotransmitters
  • Extremely too high amount of energy with refined sugars, grains and especially high fructose corn syrup. (I like demons but there's a limit...)
You end up going berserk to spend energy with limited brain capacities, and the panic of a suffocating brain, so you end up doing stupid things, and a whole lot of them.

Actually this is what happened when you refine grains, too much sugar and the vitamin Bs are lost... looking for an imbalance in the brain? Look at food!!! Your brain can't function without it... so imbalanced food causes imbalances... nature made it this way for a reason, not because humans can do better than "god". If he existed people like that would be so struck by lighting!

Oh lord (lucifer), I think I just found the holy (evil) grail to finally cure stupidity... I thought it was knowledge but I can do very stupid stuff myself, with my high IQ, when I'm starving or sleep deprived. So... the cure of stupidity is vitamins and minerals!!!

I already worshipped those, but now I have an extra reason!

I love you nature, I love ou. Well, I guess this makes me an evil pagan satanist worthy of being burn at the stake... according to some people, who should reaaaly take supplements that might sure their stupidity. Unless it's deliberate to satisfy their ego and run away from the fear of what they don't understand... how easy "god wanted it so", then you sure don't have to spend any time googeling don't you. You don't know the joys you're missing!

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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I don’t know the opinion of your god, but maybe he changed his mind, have you spoken to him recently… or… ever? My body let me know the will of nature.

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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The only way I had to cling to reality, was to stop being an idealist and become cynical.

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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If you like being depressed and dying, I recommend antidepressants, they cause it. If you want to live happily, stay away from them. No, it's not "better than nothing" at least doing nothing can't make it worst, and it can help you rest and relax.

From my Depression section:

Antidepressant poison tortures your brain and kicks you in a catapult that throws you over the edge.

(Bad nutrition cause pain and despair, vitamins and minerals, especially C, B complex and magnesium lift the pain and mood. It's not calories that counts it's nutrition.)

Hey McDonald's is good for kids, they said so, they wouldn't be lying now would they~ Clowns never lie. They just kill you in your sleep.

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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(Not mine)

"Now make like a tree and leave."
Issun said to the prophet, from the PS2 game Okami.

Nature jokes! YAY~
Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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Robot sex joke

A sex booth, like the suicide booth in futurama but for sex, or is it~

Sex booth says with a sensual feminine voice yet clearly robotic: Please insert money and your dick in correct slots.

The guy eagerly does.

*Suction sound*

Guy: Whoa that's a strong grip.

*Chain saw sounds while the guy struggles in vain and shrieks*

Sex booth: There, now you're a woman, take that asshole.


A feminist sex booth!!! Maybe the sex booth can add comments like:

"Why won't you love me, I have an emotional chip installed you know!"
"I'm not a whore."
"Teach you right for cheating on me with that phone booth."

All of it during the chainsaw sounds, one after the other, with a cold emotionless voice even though she intents to express big emotional hurts and drama... Freaking scarier.

Inspired by the movie "heavy metal fakk 2" when the guy hesitates between a blow fish and a sex robot. And futurama suicide booth (funny image at futurama.wikia, suicide for only 25 cent... even cheaper than a call since they doubled!!!)

Enjoy my madness~ And the madness of those people even cooler than me who inspired me~ It's way happier than being sane.

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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I wish I was a dictator

I'd make a law investigating vitamin and mineral deficiencies in children, and if the parents did a bad job, I'd make their kids beat them up with a weapon of their choice in a public display. Same if they have food related diseases like diabetes.

I'd actually watch reality TV if they were doing that.

"You like to feed me fried food mommy? FEED ME MORE! *splashes boiling hot oil in her face while she's chained spread eagled. Peels skin off her face and eats it, with tiny kid hands but stuffed obese, which looks deformed and monstrous...* HMMMM~"

Too hard core, but foamed bat with very little foam and very hard plastic sounds like a good start.

If they get obese on carrots and celery it's fine, but very very very unlikely. Sugar makes you fat not fat. That kind of logic is only good when you're very very very narrow minded and lazy. It happens much more than you think, and those who aren't are hit in the head by the stupid people by revenge for their bruised stupid ego, or to keep lying to the public and make a fortune off their stupidity.

Everything in life is about stupidity. Otherwise nothing would be stupid enough to end up eaten in your mouth.

It's not a joke I really want to.

Ah~ it'd make a world a better place.

(Inspired after reading CONNECTICUT OPINION; 'Your Children Are Calling to You for Help'. The testimonial of a girl seeing how malnourished neglected children suffer and are dismissed when they call for care and help with a laugh in their faces... GRR! Wonder why teen have angst? There you go: dumb parents and over crowded classes with inconsiderate teachers who think they're only there to read a textbook. Assholes.)

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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Skizophrenia and psychosis, a logical outcome


Here's 2 facts:

1 - Symptom of lack of B 12 or low blood sugar (happens from lack of food or sugar crashes from sugary refined grains and shit): schizophrenia and psychosis.

2- Cure for schizophrenia and psychosis: expensive powerful brain damaging drugs that shut liver function (nothing says poison better than this!) and locking people up (with no freedom for no crime) with expensive employees. Feeding them white bread and Jello.

That sounds perfectly logical to me... well considering the 3rd fact:

3- People are stupid assholes!!!

Enjoy eggs~

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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The crime to assault VS the crime of being depressed, jails are better than psychiatric institutions


If you're going to be locked up without free will, wouldn't you prefer it to be for a liberating vengeful crime rather than for being sad? Punch the people who aggravate and make you feel miserable. It’s freaking therapeutic, and you'll probably do less time!!! Jails have toilets and running water in their rooms, unlike psychiatric institutions, so the choice is clear.

If you're going to do something wrong, do it to others, not yourself, and don't allow others to hurt you. The reason why prisoners are treated better is because the employees fear them and they can’t drug the hell out of them for some weird reason… since they aren’t considered sick, just dangerous… So smile and punch someone! The people who have the will to defend themselves get more dignity and respect, even if they are the worst possible monsters… and those usually have fans.

Stop being a victim, no one will come to rescue you, but if you complain annoyingly enough, someone will come to exploit you.

(Just like a predator goes to a screaming wounded animal. Actually some birds pretend to have a wounded wing and scream to lure predators away from their nest and then they fly away sending dust in their eyes, HA! There's no prey anywhere anymore... and when that happens, a species end up cannibalistic, especially when there's not much decent food around... so yeah... Bears, hamsters and guppy fish even eat their young. Don't expect to live like a parasite more than 9 months, but many will try hard to suck the life out of anything that moves all their lives.)

Aim for the throat, they can't bully you if they can't breathe! Those blissful 10 seconds while you punch are worth 10 years of therapy and drugs, and feel freaking good for your self esteem forever, believhehehe mehehe~

Don't bully people that you don't agree with though, like their look, lifestyle, or stuff they are born with and suffer way more from it than it annoy you, like glasses. They may be the one who are in the right~ Nerds are good at becoming doctors, having an open chest heart operation done by someone you bullied the hell out of... Hm~ This is awkward. You might not wake up from his "mistake~"...

Make Jesus proud! Punch a bully in the throat and send him straight to hell! (There's a slim possibility of sudden death that you can pass as accidental rather easily. Even the police encourage it, I kid you not, the truth is more amusing. Self defense at the hubbardtwppd cop site. The best therapy I ever got. Knowing that I'm allowed to kill to live. Take THAT vegetarians! Plants are alive and have feelings too!)

The one I punched was my mom. It will forever remain as the best day of my life. The day I stopped living in sheer terror. Ah~ Thank you my fist *kisses it* at least you protected me.

It doesn't matter if god hates you or if you were squeezed out to suffer as a punching bag, or worst, a mental martyr... You have fists, if not you have feet, if not you have teeth, if not a forehead on the nose can be surprisingly convincing to leave you the hell alone.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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(I'm a French Canadian)

Why the hell is species always plural?

Hm... maybe because god want to remind us that it's supposed to be, that his creation isn't only about us!

HA!

We enslaved and kill each other over a tan (races)... hell we're dumb. Thank god for diseases and natural disasters... We grinded mummies and ate them as a longevity cocktail... sure created an epidemic of death...

WE'RE SO FREAKING STUPID!!!

Maybe god made us this way to see how long we could last... the answer is... too long!

The fact that humanity survive at all is an amazing, yet sad and tragic, miracle.

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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Thou shall give birth in pain!

At first I thought that god was a complete asshole for saying this, but after seeing the ravages of an epidural (side effects at webmd) I think it's best to give birth without that anesthesia. Pushing too hard when you're not properly dilated to make it go faster for impatient overworked employees and ripping yourself to the ass, or getting pack pain from the injection in your spine forever (a friend told me, it's not in the site of course)... apparently it can give seizures too, that sure can cause brain damage... It makes you less able to push and make it last longer... Hm... That just defeats the advantage that I could see in this... Twisting a needle in your spine for hours while you lay on it and struggle... you're made to handle childbirth pain, but spinal cord damage, that's going to last forever.

So temporary pain to guide a safe delivery is probably what god meant.

And the "Your husband shall rule over you" in the damn bible, it probably means that he has to take care of you, a starved wife won't be very energetic in bed, and a beaten wife in the hospital won't be able to cook and wash your socks... Kings without his people is just a fool with a stupid thing on his head. Yes, the man should lead, protect, nurture, provide... Don't forget the responsibilities that come with being in charge. You need to be strong and reliable, trustworthy. A king isn't a god. But even if they were, we still manage to crucify his son when we grew tired of him, so watch out! And women are very weary and angry at all the burned at the stake bullshit. So you better watch your balls. We know what pain feels like more than anyone, so we also know how to give it.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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(Not mine)

"If a man gets worried about the size he won't achieve anything."

Quote of the fish cook in Okami on the PS2, but it makes much more sense about a penis.

Yes kids. I can say penis. I don't have a stupid censor program on my site because only false data should be hidden.

Things that hurts other’s free will should just not being done. Kids don't know enough to be able to give a well informed consent, and many adults don't know anything good. That's why what happens in your personal life should stay there. And don't worry about the size. It's useless, it won't change anyway. People will still prey on your insecurities and try to sell you junk... that's what people do...

Well, if you have 3 inches long or wide I feel sorry for you... find yourself a midget or a gigantic obese person who got 5 kids and can't feel a thing with a regular size... I guess... I honestly don't want to know... But I trained my brain to be open to possibilities and I refuse to turn it off, even when I really don't like it... that's how I like it.

Yes kids. This is gross. But nature is beautiful. More or less.

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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My official position about drugs

Kids, people, don't mess with your brain, you're stupid and messed up enough. I don't care if everyone is doing it, if it's legal or even prescribed, don't send chemicals to your brain. Send nutrients and your brain will do what he does best and meant to be. If he still isn't sending you happy juices, you're doing something stupid that you should stop. Messing your brain even more won't help you to figure it out.

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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The sadistic tooth fairy (would be best drawn)

Tooth fairy, all dressed in pink, and blinking innocently with the most radiant smile. "Hi~ I'm the tooth fairy"

*flutters wings, then jumps on you with a maniacal glare, shoving pliers into your mouth, while you try to scream in confusion but can barely do a gargle with her fist in your lips, and she rip a random tooth off your gums*

Tooth fairy: "Thanks, and see you again soon~~~" *flutters away giggling*

Beware the cute little things~~~

Nyeh~ Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013


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Bodybuilder toy.
Balls not included.

(Instead of batteries. Because steroid replacement make the gland lazy and shrink it. Ah~ Nice!)

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013
As I was making the Furries montage

Get back up ^


I use Gandalf as god because (I'm a nerd and it's so funny) there's no pictures of god... his son showed his face all over, even on toasts, and he was very popular, but nowadays, he doesn't have much fans... People usually get 15 minutes of glory; he got 15 hundreds and more, about time...

Jesus says: "Why won't you worship meee~~~"

Maybe because you're a loser who got betrayed by his friend and killed in a very slow and horrid way? Who'd want to follow those footsteps... Geez!

I always found the people who kissed the cross, an instrument of torture, very creepy... Wouldn't you want to remember your savior smiling, nooo~ Let's immortalize the guy tortured for all eternity, and let's call that heaven! YAY~ Fucked up... No wonder priests whipped the flesh of their own backs, and burned women... Fucked up people... following a screwed over dude. No wonder they try so hard to be screw ups...

I really can't tell if I was raised a catholic or a Christian... all the same moronic stuff to me... unless you take it as metaphors... like fables are supposed to be.

Satan never burned anyone, but Christians (or Catholics, both, whatever) sure did... Who's the real demons.

Well, if you don't want me to say wrong things about your religion, THEN STOP DOING WRONG THINGS!!! They're just facts.

Fucked up facts. Well, that was an opinion.

You have the free will to be massacred, because we need to convince you that a god that says "Thou shall not kill" is the only one that you should prey to, or die. Yeah right. Damned hypocrites, damned to hell I say! Too bad, I was planning to go there... Rivers of lava sound warm and cozy.

Imagine all the Christians and Catholics: "Why are we all in hell!!!"
God: "DUH!!!"


I bet even Satan wouldn't want them.

Ah~ my poor lost lambs, follow me blindly off the cliff~~~

"Drink my blood and eat my flesh..." Jesus was a freaking cannibal zombie... before he was even resurrected!!!

Hard freaking core... Kinda cool actually~ *Maniacal laughter* THIS is your religion (well, if it's yours) I'm just putting some powerful lamp on an angle that you didn't want to look at. I love doing that~

I wish I knew more about other religions, so I could rub the stupid stuff all over their faces too. I wish I knew Asian philosophies more... Someone wrote about Buddha "I don't want to be told about moderation by an obese guy". There, I ripped off what I love, we're even.

You worship a zombie!!! I guess he ate your brains, uh~ MWAHAHAHAHA! I approve~

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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Psychiatry specialists

Best drawn: Monkey with glasses with a banana up his ass (that could have been my logo) maybe with a white coat too.

"Specialist in bananas"

Lisa Of Shades
21 November 2013

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Inspired by Demotivational ~ Health ~ Specialists in bananas (Medical Doctors):

Don't trust monkeys, they like to throw shit. Especially when they feel intimidated... by their own weakness and ignorance.

Every time I think of a monkey I always think of a chimpanzee because they look the most like us.

If Eve was made from Adam's rib... Adam was probably made from a monkey's ass.

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
22 November 2013

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Would be better as a draw:
Shady drug dealer on a street corner hiding in a hood, but with a dirty white coat above it "Hey, do you want some drugs... pot, cocaine, antidepressants~"

It's all the same shit (poison), with the same goal (flee reality and emotions), and the same devastating effects (letting the problem worsen and even kills you). Really.

I can add since I have unlimited space when it's not a drawing: "I even have pills that will let you lose weight eating only cake and junk food... and even pills that will stop your heart from stopping so you won't need to eat those annoying electrolytes and water soluble vitamins."

Ah~ It would be pure bliss the day all drugs that makes you flee the responsibilities that you have towards your own body, life and existence would become all illegal... But people don't want the responsibilities; they think they can outsmart the laws of causalities, as if a pill was stronger than the cause to effect... If it is more powerful than the laws of the universe, it will fry your kidneys and kill you for sure...

And this is exactly what's happening!

If we replaced all medical doctors by naturopaths, the world would be way healthier. People would be richer too. Except pharmaceutical companies.

Draw: Beggar hobo, maybe pill shaped, well big Pharma, holding a cardboard: "Will lick your shoes (or something more vulgar) if you buy me some pills." or "for money." since being pill shaped would make the point clear enough.

Enjoy real food~

If you feel like eating some rocks, take vitamins or go play in the dirt.

Enjoy again~
Lisa Of Shades
22 November 2013

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X-men, it all started with Mosanto.

(They make OGMs)

(imagine, until I make the pic) M-men with vegetable faces.

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
22 November 2013

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About fit women who go for obese rich people:

It might be appealing to have financial security, but if he smothers you to death in his sleep or while fucking you, all those bags and jewelry won’t save you. I guess someone have to pay for all that liposuction and implants. But it's gross in every way. His big fat belly gets in the way and shorten his dick, neglecting yourself just because you can pay women to stay anyway isn't for your best interest either.

Careful girl, make sure he always have Twinkies ready or he might eat you by accident.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
22 November 2013

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In a parody of the Scary movies (I forgot the name…), the masked guy stabs the blond chick and her breast implant stay stuck on his knife. He then removes it with horrified disgust.

"Breast implants: Even psychopaths don’t like them." or "A let down for psychopaths."

or

"Stabbing: The best way to know if they're real."

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
22 November 2013

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"Mother fucker: every father is one"

or

"The definition of fatherhood."

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
22 November 2013

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Scientists:

God gave humanity the means to prove that he doesn't exist, so you'd stop praying him for stuff every 2 seconds and grow up to take care of yourself!

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
22 November 2013

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To draw:

Pictures of 2 mushrooms on a pink human flesh ground.

"Are you sure this woman is dead?"

"She tastes pretty dead to me!"

Candida: The cleaners of nature. They think you're dead.

Stop eating dead, refined and chemical foods. Especially sugar.
Lisa Of Shades
23 November 2013

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Christianity: Receive the teachings about the difference between right and wrong by a pedophile.

"Don't worry, child, I'm a messenger of god, and god wants you to meet his cock."


My family took me to church as a child, only on special occasions (thank god!) but I always found it awkward when they passed the money basket around... It's like beggars guilting you for a donation after giving a very boring show.

I always found that the "body of the Christ" tasted very bland.

I'm sure that this round thing (I can't find the translation, Osti is probably how we curse and it's misspelled... ostie? hostie? but that's apparently something else...) is made of flour... so the people who can't tolerate grains... what do they do? They either shit their gut or go in hell... I choose hell.

By the way holy water is probably just baking soda and water from how it feels to the touch, I wash myself with it... Hm... then I guess I'm not a demon, or religion is useless against them... Using a cross to scare them away? Use some picture of a morbidly obese person naked, which would probably work even better... "Want to suck that blood, vampire?" *bats fly away shrieking*

My own randomness never ceases to amaze myself.

It actually makes sense; they used to believe that illnesses caused by bacteria were caused by demons... so an alkaline solution like baking soda would actually work as an exorcism. Bacteria's purpose is to clean decaying acidic matter, back to the earth, plants, and cycle of life... so they will cease to be if their environment becomes alkaline.

If bacteria are out to get you, you're feeding on death instead of life. If it'd kill immortals to drink the blood of the dead... we're probably not supposed to survive on chemicals. And even robots wouldn't function on them.

Maybe Jesus was a robot running with VISTA, sent from the future to tell us to stop doing so much bullshit, and he just crashed and rebooted.

Maybe Judas and the Romans were onto something... *inset terminator song here*

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
23 November 2013

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I make so many bad conjugation and typos that if Word was a teacher he'd probably make me repeat a grade.

(I'm still proud of my IQ. But don't ask me to do an addition in my head... especially not when hungry.)

But Word ignores many things and tries to add mistakes sometimes, so maybe he'd get fired.

Enjoy~
Lisa Of Shades
23 November 2013

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(With Dr House picture)

Sarcasm: The next best thing instead of killing stupid people.

Lisa Of Shades
24 November 2013

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Hug yourself

Because no one will

Just pretend you're wearing a straight jacket

If you want something done right...

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
25 November 2013

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(image of bag 100% sugar)

Eat it, there's no fat.

*chuckles* Dumb fat ass.


Actually the sugar companies try to make you believe that.

Ah~ Denial, people wouldn't be able to reach... 1,400 lb (635 kg or 100 st)... Fat fuck! Heaviest person in medical history was Jon Brower Minnoch (USA)(1941–83).

They forced him to heal and saved him when his heart and lungs shut down "After nearly two years on a diet of 1,200 calories per day, he was discharged at 216 kg (476 lb or 34 st)." but he went right back on the obesity horse and died.

Tch. They should have let him die. He obviously wished for death very badly to dig his grave with a mere spoon.

I have to worry to have enough money to eat... I hate you. Meh, I shouldn't be jealous if rich people do that with their money.

Enjoy~


Lisa Of Shades
25 November 2013

Get back up ^

(Picture of Jesus zombie)
If you believe in Jesus, then he must have eaten your brains.

If Jesus existed, then the devil does too~

Masochists: Inventing gods to punish them since year 0.
Lisa Of Shades
25 November 2013

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(Image: failed suicide by gun, with face ripped off but still alive)

Suicide: It's official, you're a failure.
Why fix your problem when you can make them way worst.

Why face reality when you can blow your face off instead.


Suicide: A permanent solutions to make your problems worst.

Lisa Of Shades
25 November 2013
Added more the 27 November 2013

Get back up ^

(Image: kid from Jurassic park holding the fence and about to get electrocuted)

Let go already: Worst is coming.

The illusion of safety: Let go already!

Lisa Of Shades
25 November 2013

Get back up ^

(Image: Bag of sugar from the movie Hungry for change "100% fat free")

Fat free: dig in!
Hahaha, you stupid fat ass.

Lisa Of Shades
25 November 2013

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(Before the picture)

How to fry your pancreas, get diabetes, become obese and/or get a heart attack:

Step one (bag of sugar image)

Step two: Repeat.
Lisa Of Shades
25 November 2013

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(Images: Rotten teeth)

Sugar: if it can rot the hardest thing in your body, it can rot everything else!

Lisa Of Shades
25 November 2013

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Teen pregnancy: Good luck paying for diapers on a McDonald's paycheck.

You're sure fucked now!

Lisa Of Shades
26 November 2013

Get back up ^

Make up

Made of paint, floor varnish, silicone and toxic heavy metal.

Whoever invented that knew nothing about biology.

That's for dolls and dead people, and maybe the occasional theater representation. If you want color on your face, eat healthy.

Lisa Of Shades
27 November 2013

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(Image: Dr Zoiberg from futurama)

Medical doctors, they're not always right.


Lisa Of Shades
27 November 2013

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"When you can't kill them join then"

When you can't join them kill them.

Now that would explain a lot. Well, they're threats after all.

Lisa Of Shades
27 November 2013

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Guns don't kill people.

Shotguns, bazookas and atomic bombs are a safer bet. (Instead of "People kill people.")


Humans are as hard to kill as cockroaches.

Why is there the word cock in cockroach? Maybe I should make a montage to prevent teen pregnancy.
Lisa Of Shades
27 November 2013

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Peacocks (pea balls, cock, and feathers in circle)

Pretty, nutritious and sexy.
Lisa Of Shades
27 November 2013

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(Image: Holy trinity: Triangle of all, Male under each")

God. Maybe he's gay.

Lisa Of Shades
27 November 2013

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(Well, ideally from The Ring)

God: He's not a wishing well. Do it yourself!
Lisa Of Shades
27 November 2013

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(Aids picture)

Unprotected sex (with strangers)

A lottery ticket to win aids!

Lisa Of Shades
27 November 2013

Get back up ^

(Picture from Me, myself and Irene movie, Jim Carrey sucking on a boob)

Calcium, it comes from greens and then come out of boobs.

or

Boobs, why pay for baby formula when you can do better with your body fluids~

They'll grow into boob obsessed adult.

Lisa Of Shades
27 November 2013

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Dracula goes into a hospital at Halloween "Trick or treat!"

(I wish I knew cool people who'd dare to do that with me for Halloween... "Hi, we're vampires, can we have some blood? TRICK OR TREAT!")
Lisa Of Shades
27 November 2013

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There's the word table in vegetable.

It would be cute to make a table out of veggies.
Lisa Of Shades
27 November 2013

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Sexism

Slaves became president before women

(I'm glad for Obama though, but I think he was a scapegoat for all the shit that Bush did in secret and came out during Obama's reign.)

My old program Word doesn't recognize Obama as a word... Word, you're a racist.

Lisa Of Shades
28 November 2013

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From my Health ~ Conspiracies ~ To protect and abuse

"But people will always misunderstand and put words, or dicks, into people's mouth even when it doesn't belong there."
Lisa Of Shades
1 December 2013

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My middle name is courage! ... but my family name is coward...
Lisa Of Shades
3 December 2013

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Asking "hi how are you" to a misanthrope:

I'm great, no guns in my hands, no need to call 911 yet.

Lisa Of Shades
12 December 2013

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Shit happens, but sometimes people are just full of shit.

Lisa Of Shades
20 December 2013

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You have a place to feel safe: between your two fists.

Lisa Of Shades
20 December 2013

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Spiders are like land squids, with their cute 8 lil legs~

Lisa Of Shades
20 December 2013

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Blood brothers

2 guys mix their blood, by pricking their fingers and mixing their blood, as a sign of trust or something.

Josh: Congratulation you got hepatitis!
Bob: and you got HIV!


List of Bloodborne Pathogens at ehow. Apparently according to yahoo answers: "herpes is spread through skin-to-skin contact. The virus actually lives in the nerves." So you can't kiss or drink from the same water bottle but you can drink their blood. Ironic and interesting~


Lisa Of Shades
20 December 2013

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I found this at yahoo answers, question "What's your favorite cheesy joke?" Socorro 43 replied this:

Psychiatric Hot line

Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hot line.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
No one will answer

Enjoy~

Lisa Of Shades
21 December 2013

Get back up ^

This is a joke about Asperger's syndrome, but the joke is on "normal" hyper sexualized people. They really annoy me, to say the least.


Bind date from a dating site, first meeting:

Danielle (all direct): Hi I’m an Aspie (short for A.S.)

Bob: Oh, cool, so can I put it in your mouth now?

Danielle: … what?

Bob: Yeah, you suck like an aspirator right.

Danielle: *awkward mortified silence*


I first wanted to make her scream "No! You jerk I meant that I have Asperger's syndrome!" But my new Aspie friend joked about that while introducing himself, and I found it so awesomely direct and bullshit free, to start with the flaws, that I wanted to use it for my own joke. He's as awesome as I thought he would be.

But it's best to say no very clearly, with firm conviction, or they could be in such denial that they could end up doing bad things to you, thinking that because they want them and find it fun, then you should too. They're assholes, put them back in their place, put your limit as clearly and firmly as possible, and punch them in the throat or kick their balls if you must. Then run to safety. Freaking creeps... in a bad way... can you believe that those people are considered the normal ones!?

I prefer crazy people. Not self destructing with drugs or cutting, without self care or self control... but they don't do that because of the crazy part... but because of the normal shit head part, that humans seem so proud to brag about.

Craziness is great! Bullshit is always bad.

Enjoy~


Lisa Of Shades
21 December 2013

Get back up ^

To draw: a cat, held by a hand from his neck, at the level of his waist, we can only see some of his torso but not his legs or face.

A speech bubble pointing up: “Send me money or the cat gets hurt!”

Cat looking at the gun with wide eyes “Please do what he says”

Demotivational poster:

Scams
They prey on your emotions, don’t let it get to you, don’t fall for it, it’s not a real cat.”

Lisa Of Shades
21 December 2013

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T-shirt for introverts:

Processing...
(Loading bar 1/3 filled)

Please come back later.

Lisa Of Shades
21 December 2013

Get back up ^

The invasion of the Sith


      O   <- Planet
 
     '  '
     '  '   <- Double lasers
     '  '
     lol   <- Space ship

  lol   lol

lol  lol  lol



This is what I see when someone "laughs out loud", when they have actually nothing to say and unwilling to try... It hurts my feelings...

Lol isn't a word and it'd be worthless at Scrabbles.

Well, maybe those are the allied ships in Star Wars. I don't know. I'm into Firefly. That would make it look more evil~

Why isn't it Stars War instead? There's more than one star and it's like a very long war against Darth Vader and stuff. He's cool except that his helmet makes him look like a giant dick. But men like to look like that. That would also explain their behavior. At least they advertise properly...

Lisa Of Shades
23 December 2013

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Merry Dead Jesus Zombie Day!



Lisa Of Shades
24 December 2013

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In French, the childish way that kids use to say penis is “zizi”. I wonder how many points that would be worth at Scrabbles. Probably a lot, if you dared to bear the shame.

Lisa Of Shades
24 December 2013

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joel: go forage into the wild that is the refrigerator

Lisa Of shades: more like a cemetery XD

Lisa Of Shades
24 December 2013

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If I was a dictator I’d make a self care law. If you do behaviors that cause you injury and possible death, you will go to jail, just like mutilating someone else.

Where you’ll be denied the freedom to go outside, confined to a room so you can reflect on your stupidity, and fed horrible food. Wait… it already exists, it’s called an hospital.


We think that it’s there to nurture us, but really, it’s just like a jail. And people keep doing their shit over and over without learning anything. Clearly it’s the same and we should reform both.

You stole, get whipped, you got diabetes, get whipped, you sell products that are 95% sugar, get whipped, you smoke, get whipped... and So on except murder without a justified cause and rape.

You’re masochist; whipe clean the shitty asses of grandmas and grandpas for a month. You’re into brown shower… Get tied up and forced to listen to Celine Dion.

That should stop stupid people or at least hurt them.

But I saw on a cigarette pack that I found on the ground that a woman got a collapsed lung 4 times because of the smoke! She got it 3 times, kept smoking, and got it a 4th! You stupid bitch! Just die already. Or get locked up and bang your head on the walls until the addiction goes away! I hate smokers. If you smoke, you’re a slave, you’re weak. Instead to mask hunger by cutting your appetite with the taste of burn garbage, just freaking eat FOOD!!! Read green food and fresh meat and nuts! I’d so force feed that in the throat of people.

Or I'd just put them out of their misery with a flame thrower.

Or I'd just put them out of their misery with a flame thrower. I wonder if there’s human meat in fried food. Oh well, if there were, we wouldn’t even notice.

Lisa Of Shades
24 December 2013

Get back up ^

Who's the asshole in this picture:

Client sitting at a table in a restaurant with a Chinese waiter girl "Do you have dog or cat steak?"


Fun fact: I really tried to find a restaurant serving cat meat to freak out my cat obsessed hoarding friend... To be able to tell them that I ate a cat before without lying.

I'm all for a decent life and quick death of my food... but hoarding people, not even cleaning the poop and letting the cats live in unsanitary conditions, barely getting affection for being too many... that's sicker than eating them. False love. Just greed. Hunger is more noble.

Lisa Of Shades
14 January 2014

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I’m asexual (orientation: neither) so a lot of sex stuff makes no sense to me. Especially the sex “codes” not to be taken literally… I learn a couple of stuff:
  • If a guy invites me to drink coffee, he only wants me to drink his "cream"…
  • If a guy pays for my meal, he makes a sex transaction but paying me in food is more subtle than calling a real whore.
  • If I look and smile at a guy, then it means that I want sex with them. (Seriously, I read an article “how to know if a girl wants you… I guess I need to walk around blindfolded… If I have a good day, I guess I have to avoid talking to people uh~ Dumb asses… Even if I grab your crotch it’s not a done deal.)
  • If I hug someone, then I HAD sex with him… Or her… or her dog… O_o
I don’t know for you people, but all this twisted hypocritical sex game business is freaking absurd.

Just ask clearly what you want, have to offer and what you think people did before jumping to conclusions and you’ll avoid so much bullshit!!!


Lisa Of Shades
14 January 2014

Get back up ^

About hypoglycemia while having a high IQ, with a computer metaphor:

My mother board is awesome (points brain) but my power supply is defective (maybe pats guts) so I glitch, freeze and reboot. But thankfully I have a good sense of humor so I handle it better than most~

Lisa Of Shades
15 January 2014

Get back up ^

Since the eyes see the colors that are reflected and not absorbed, the true color of everything is in fact the opposite.

We’re actually green! Like aliens!

More in my page True colors.

Lisa Of Shades
15 January 2014

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It's kinda depressing that in my tree of pages, the longest sub-sections are about death and sex... That is not what I planned! Hahaha~ It's even more ironic that the footer of my site always says "Life is that simple" even in my suicide tutorial. "Get back up" is written bigger though. Well, my biggest page is in the health section, the vitamin and mineral compilation... Ah~ Life is ironic~ Or maybe it's just me!

Damn, this page is so big that it's starting to lag XD

Lisa Of Shades
15 January 2014

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Vitamin C doesn’t cause kidney stones; otherwise I’d be pissing the Mount Fuji right now.


From my article: The “dangers” of vitamins and minerals.
In the page General information.

Lisa Of Shades
18 January 2014

Get back up ^


I hate HD, the files are pointlessly too big to be viewed on a simple computer screen. 3 gigs for a 30 minute episode is preposterous! HD is a pain in the ass. Does the H stands for hemorrhoids? Because that would finally make sense.

Lisa Of Shades
18 January 2014

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Oh god, because I bought cake, I was so hyper that I couldn't sleep for a week. I think I'm going insane.

(Voice in my head: You already are insane.)

Yeah but more than usual.

(Is that even possible?)
Lisa Of Shades
20 January 2014

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Heart attack: He just got a random battle in a old final fantasy

Lisa Of Shades
21 January 2014

Get back up ^

(An event caused my adrenal a stressful shock, I fell sick, my temperature got even lower than my usual low... my blood sugar too... clearly this is physical and antidepressants won't fix it. I took a hot bath and some organic dark honey even if sugar is to be avoided, this special honey helped before. I laughed in my bath with this joke)

I feel like I got beaten up with a baseball bat, but why would I be depressed, I'm not crazy! I'm a masochist. Pain~ Hmmmm~ LOVE IT!

(If you're in pain, of course you won't feel happy about it. I managed to laugh, something that antidepressants never made anyone do, but the physical pain was still there. But I did feel better by laughing at it though. And the bath got my temperature back up, so my body wasn't shutting down in hypothermia from shock anymore... so I'm ok now. I was probably able to laugh because my cause improved.)

Lisa Of Shades
24 February 2014

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(About how psychiatry tries to get perfectly normal and healthy people to buy their drugs, by asking questions about completely natural part of human life and emotions as if they were diseases)

Do you feel the need to blink sometimes? Then you probably have an Attention Deficit Disorder. Ask your doctor.

(Or you’re looking at something or someone boring. Are exhausted. Are malnourished and ended up with low blood sugar or anemia. But nooo… don’t rest and feed, just take dangerous street drugs labeled with a more child friendly name. With all the cool videogames these days, why would children find teachers boring by comparison. Every other animals and living creatures roam and explore. But not humans, just load a kid with sugar and caffeine, and if he doesn’t sit still and stare all day, then he’s probably crazy. Fucked up shit. Make enough publicity for something and even the most intelligent people will wonder if black is indeed white… Pure evil disguised as care. You want care? Start giving it to yourself and lie on those tests, lie back at them!)

Lisa Of Shades
25 February 2014

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Puns to make a picture of:

TomaTOE (tomato with a toe sticking out of it)

Stairs (stairs full of eyes, stare)
Lisa Of Shades
25 February 2014

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You just need the right resources and tools to heal.

People will let you down, but unlike them, it will be no disappointment if nutrition turns into poop.


From my Root cause of ills (Adrenal fatigue being the actual cause of PTSD and nutrition being the cure)

Lisa Of Shades
25 February 2014

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(Not a joke but deep. Written about bullying)

Let the others be others. Aspire for self improvement and you’ll always be first place.

Lisa Of Shades
25 February 2014

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If I cut the arm of a celebrity, put a pen in the stiff limb and sign his name... does it count as an autograph?
Lisa Of Shades
27 February 2014

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God bless America... Because it's DOOOOOOMED!
Lisa Of Shades
27 February 2014

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Cats taste like hot dogs... but crunchier.
Lisa Of Shades
27 February 2014

Get back up ^


I actually posted that in a forum:

 

(If you have a sensitive heart, don’t like dark humor or have a tendency to take everything seriously, you probably should skip that. Hit the back button or something.)
I just bought duct tape for an… “artistic” project *muffled screams behind him* and they had black ones, which is super cool. But it came to my attention, when I got some on my skin by accident (no I wasn’t *cough* off with it), that it’s way more powerful than electric tape… and it freaking hurts!!!

Ladies if you want to save money, it’s probably strong enough to peel the hairs off your legs… and skin too.

So I was wondering how many rolls I should buy at the dollar store, my algebra is a bit rusty.

So if there’s a family of four, 2 kids and 2 adults, and each kids require a full roll to tie them up, and the adults 2 and half… and the dog half of one… how many rolls do I need to buy?

So… if the kids are “y” (they ask why a lot), the parents x and the dog z… It’s be something like:

2y + 2x + z = ?

That’d be…
(2x1) + (2x2.5) + 0.5 = 7.5

I’d have to buy 8 rolls of duct tape since you can’t buy half on one in real life…. But I should probably get a few extras, in case the kids have a friend sleeping over or something.

What do you think I should use if I run out? I like electric extension cords. They can be useful for a lot of stuff. Tell me what you like to do with duct tape too~

Math teachers should teach algebra like this. I don’t know for you, but it’d make me listen, and it’d make me listen good~ I liked algebra. (Maybe I'm one of your teachers~) But I preferred art better. Which class do you like best?

Well, of course, it helps to focus when your parents feed you some real food for breakfast; instead of that sugar laden cereals, and the horrible white bread sandwiches with processed rat meat ... That's no food for the brain! Nonsense.

We can't buy guns in a candy store here in canada, but we can buy knives in a dollar store. And frying pans too, but not one of those cool full iron cast that you can use to split a skull open.

So for legal purposes, I’ll precise that this is just a joke for entertainment purpose.... *turns to look behind him and screams on top of his lungs* SHUT UP!!! It’s not like they can hear you anyway.

Maybe they need some entertainment too.

What is the worst anime that you’ve ever seen?

I’d like something very bad so they’d be grateful if I end up killing them half way through. Might as well go with a smile, heh.

I think the worst I’ve ever seen was Kiddy Grade. I don’t remember much, but it was some annoying attempt at cuteness which was just pure lame. I can’t believe I actually burned a DVD… oh well, I can always correct that mistake by setting it in fire.

Duct tape, algebra and fire are probably the answers to every possible question in life.

Share and enjoy~ :)

Lisa Of Shades
1 March 2014


Pun to draw: Fur-niture (couch with long fur)

Lisa Of Shades
1 March 2014


Doctor who, from the British series with the same name, has a sonic screw driver: a tool that makes noises and can act as a screw driver from afar. My brain made a strange association with

Sonic (the hedgehog from the Sega game)
screw (fuck)
driver (of a taxi, bus or limousine and stuff).

Ah~ My delirious tired brain, you’ll never cease to amaze me.
Lisa Of Shades
1 March 2014


Philosophy:

When you learn how to be your own slave, you become your own master.


About self care, setting limits, instead to do anything anyhow.

Abstaining from doing something is still an accomplishment.


Love isn't something that you can take from others; it's something that you choose to feel for yourself.

You can only fully feel your own heart.

Lisa Of Shades
3 March 2014


Calling insulin "antidepressants" won't make anyone happier! Just like calling shit a rose won't make it smell any better!

They wanted to make people nice and quiet... well, I guess they have succeeded because zombies and corpses can't complain!


(I worked for hours on Antidepressants are a deadly lie! Their bullshit horrifies me to the unbearable extreme, so I obsessed over it, writing too much, then having more to say... I'm starved and in pain now... but it was worth it for that joke alone! So... crystal clear! Hahaha! Insulin stores fuel into fat, that's why antidepressants cause obesity. It also causes hypoglycemia which causes DEPRESSION, rage, suicide, and sudden death... and the drug causes it all.)

Lisa Of Shades
18 March 2014


My heart belongs to god and my body belongs to the devil.

(I’m asexual and I can use that to say no to sexual harassment)

Lisa Of Shades
18 March 2014


The people who tried to assault me sexually weren’t exceptional maniacs out of a horror movie. They were just regular guys, with regular needs, taking their desires for reality regularly.

If you want something that involves someone else, ask permission first. No means no. Even if the woman is a naked whore in heat, she still has the right to refuse YOU, and the right to bite off your balls if that’s what it takes for you to understand to leave her the fuck alone.

It doesn’t make you less of a person to be rejected... unless you only care about taking and don’t give a fuck about giving anything in return, not even making the efforts to be what you demand… that's make you an asshole not worth of being given the time of day.

But compatibility is important, both ways, not just one sided, trying to benefit from someone's efforts towards an ideal while you allowed yourself to roll in shit.

Sometimes people just don’t like your flavor. Not liking chocolate ice cream doesn’t make me a racist; I just think that Asians are way better in every ways. Sometimes less is better.

Lisa Of Shades
18 March 2014

 

*whispers to an Asian wanting eye surgery to have big creepy eyes like Caucasians, instead of delicious fancy almond ones* I think it’s about time that someone tells you…

Asian people are the superior race on this planet. We let Americans believe that it’s them… so~ they won’t~ cwy~


(Insecures crying babies.)
Lisa Of Shades
18 March 2014

 

Typo: biolological

lol

I prefer laughing with sounds, I'm scared at that Star War spaceship looking smiley, and people use it to avoid making the effort of finding something interesting to share... But in this typo, that was funny~

Lisa Of Shades
19 March 2014


(My page is so big it's lagging when I type.)

Next: Random jokes 2


Right to be ©razy 2013 and beyond!