Bananapoop ~ The "How to be less stupid" tutorial ~ This is not a banana tree!




Uncommon sense ~ How to suicide ~ Jumping off a building


Wind in face pushing the flesh around painfullyFrom how my survival instinct reacts in high places, even in cool videogames like Prototype for the xbox 360, it's the only one that could kill me without fail, if the building is tall enough.

It’s the only method that won’t allow you to change your mind half way. Your survival instinct can't do anything about it; you won't be able to cling back to safety. But it's also the one that will give you the sheerest horror. You'll probably feel deep regret and the wish to live half way, when your drive for life will finally kick in, as gravity will give you the illusion of pulling your internal organs out of your skin. But it will be too late…

This suicide method will make you feel
true powerlessness, so deep that it will make all your problems seem silly and easy to fix. I don't care how effective it is... I'd rather die of cancer than go through those few interminable seconds of utter helplessness and despair.

As long as you're alive you can still do something, even when everything seems to be lost. But once you face death, there's no going back and it can't be compared to any other problems.

That's no way to go...

But it's fool proof, so feel free to try it.


Planes

Make sure it's really high, from a plane would be a safe bet. You can always go sky diving, the parachute will give you options if you change your mind...

But if you die the company will get a bad reputation and might go bankrupt. That would be freaking mean if your last act into the world is to worsen it. You don't want to clean your own messes, fine, but at least don't shit on someone who's actually trying hard to make a living.

Planes are cool! Don't mess with those.

Unless you have your own, then you can crash to your heart's content. By if you have a cool plane to play with, why would you want to die anyway? The coolness would outweigh a lot of crap.

Drop everything else but your life, escape to a paradise island. Pretend that it was by accident of someone gives you shit for taking a freaking break!

But I guess jumping into the engine of a big public plane, and killing a whole lot of fools along with you, might help our overpopulation problem...

Good luck with that.


Bridge

I don't think jumping off a bridge would work if there's water under. It might cushion your fall just enough to add a new level of agony. Once you think that it's finally over, you end up drowning oh so slowly...

You can fight for your life all you want though... but if the current is strong enough, it will be futile. It will at least teach you to fight for your safety and survival before you die...

However, that would no longer be a suicide but an unwanted tragedy.


My favorite: Hospital

I think an hospital would be the best, it's always freaking tall. If you can manage to reach the roof without being dragged to the psychiatric ward...

That incompetent industry makes so many mistakes, that the bad publicity of your death might bring them under the inspection of the public eye. Kicking their ass with your corpse would be constructive in the end.

Do me and the world a big favor and jump with a note saying: "I just couldn't swallow their horrible food anymore!" Make sure it's sealed in a plastic bag or your blood will soak it and make it impossible to read.

Because a lot of people end up there from their bad state of nutrition, especially in psychiatry, and they go out even more malnourished than when they went in. Feeding people white bread and jello is just absurd. Thinking you can heal on that is pure incompetence. (Watch the movie "Food Matters").

You might traumatize people a lot though. Nurses are really exploited and overworked so they suicide a lot. Maybe the trauma of seeing dead people rain will push them over the edge. You'd end up killing people indirectly. And more directly if you fall on someone. I'd feel bad about the gentle pretty nurses, but if you're going to end up in hell anyway, you might as well get some hot company...

Since you're already in hell in your life, you probably won't see the difference if it exists... so you might as well spare yourself the efforts and stay~ Maybe THIS is actually Hell, and you'd just end up back in the matrix if you try to get out. Ah~ lala~

If you can't escape, get used to it! Just don't mind it anymore~

Or maybe you'll get reincarnated into a fly and end up eating shit happily for the rest of your insect life. That sure would be ironic!


Failure can make you quadriplegic


Stephen Hawking If the building isn't high enough; you won't be able to try again if you break your spine and end up quadriplegic, unable to wipe out your own ass... Now that would be being trapped in hell... inside your own body, unable to live or die...

As long as you can move, you can go towards something better easily.

But even paralyzed people can have loved ones, a purpose and enjoy life.

Stephen Hawking biography:

"He was diagnosed with ALS, a form of Motor Neurone Disease, shortly after his 21st birthday. In spite of being wheelchair bound and dependent on a computerised voice system for communication he continues to combine family life (he has three children and three grandchildren), and his research into theoretical physics together with an extensive programme of travel and public lectures. He still hopes to make it into space one day."

He got close to his dream, see him enjoys zero gravity during a flight aboard a modified Boeing 727 aircraft owned by Zero Gravity Corp. (Zero G).

Stephen Hawking enjoys zero gravity

"Professor Hawking has twelve honorary degrees. He was awarded the CBE in 1982, and was made a Companion of Honour in 1989. He is the recipient of many awards, medals and prizes, is a Fellow of The Royal Society and a Member of the US National Academy of Sciences."

Let him give you inspiration~ and find yourself an aspiration~

What are you waiting to enjoy your life...

Instead to find excuses to die, find a reason to live!


Make an anti-bullshit web site and change the world one fool at a time, or something. It doesn’t really matter if it ends up useless, although I’d appreciate it if someone else bothers to enjoy my site. But I’m having a hell load of fun doing it anyway, even with this completely horrible page!

But the harsh truth of death is what it took for me to open my heart to life. I hope it can help you help yourself. It’s my wish for you. If you still wish to die, at least you'll have options and be prepared. Sometimes respect and love is to let someone go...

So you can go on with your life.

Enjoy~


Next: Drowning


Lisa Of Shades
4 September 2013
Right to be ©razy 2013 and beyond!